I’m struggling with depression feeling lonely, and came to christ to find help. But I can’t help it sometimes, the church where I live is good. Nice pastors and stuff, but there’s only like 30 people comming to the church. It’s empty, always empty.
There’s not much christians, my pastor is taking young ones to the younger days, in Rio. But I never seen one of these kids at church, yes they have mothers that go to church, and I can see them brag about it. How they’re kids are christian. While I’m having a hard time getting my parents to go to church… It feels messed up. So these kids going to the younger days, I haven’t even seen them at the bible study group. Pastor himself said that one guy he takes does not even believe. I don’t understand what the pastor is doing… Not that I want to go. But it feels like he’s taking kids that don’t believe, I don’t know. it’s just I feel like it’s not right.
I wanna go hard for the lord, really hard… I am thinking of becomming a helper in the church don’t know how it’s called. But I feel discouraged these guys going to younger days etc, pastor probably thinks of them higher than me. Cause I’m a christian for 2 months only, not even confirmed. With all due respect my pastor is nice. But I’m not feeling right, with how things are. I wanna go hard for the lord. But it feels like I’m all alone. And that the people around me take Jesus to lightly. He’s not some instant saviour, he’s a friend I wanna walk with him, get stronger trough him. I wanna be guided by God, but I am scared. I love going to church.
There I am with the old people in church… Peoples 3 times my age. And not even people of my age I’m twenty. I don’t know where to go or what to do… I feel like I’m good with God and all but I can’t identify all I see is things that annoy me… Like they take God lightly. It hurts me and I feel sad cause of it. I don’t know what to do really.
In all honesty I’m thinking of leaving it all… I feel Gods love but it’s like I can’t reach it.