Where is a good, safe Catholic place to learn more about sex

Hello all,

I feel awkward posting this… I am recently married and my wife and I are both devout Catholics practicing NFP, etc. My wife says she wants to make marital relations more interesting and exciting, but neither she nor I know of a safe place to learn things (techniques, etc.). The internet is a sketchy place to look for these things because of all the pornography and stuff. I really don’t have any sexual experience prior to being married so I don’t even know what she’s talking about, maybe someone could point me in the right direction?

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There is a good book called “Holy Sex” by Greg Popcak that offers some practical advice.

Really, though, the best thing is to try some stuff yourself. I think this might be a gentle hint from your wife that she’s not getting what she needs in the bedroom. Try touching her or kissing her in different ways or places and be willing to ask, “Do you like this?” and don’t take it personally if she says “no.” If she moves your hand or moves away from you, take that as a signal to change what you are doing.

Also, if you’re doing NFP, there are certain changes that happen through a woman’s cycle that make certain positions, etc. less comfortable at certain times due to the positioning of the cervix. One of the frustrations that can arise with NFP is that for some women, there is a marked increase in libido during her most fertile times, and then during her natural periods of infertility she’s a lot less interested. That could make things more difficult for her too - she might need more to “warm up” during those times than she would when naturally fertile.

It’s not uncommon for things to be awkward in the newlywed phase, anyway - you are still very much getting to know each other in that department. You will learn better if you both are open to it. :thumbsup:

Good luck!

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You might try this site: sexrespect.com/about-coleen-mast.html

If your wife is on the pill ( or any other contraceptive method ), one of the side effects is diminished interest. And getting off the pill is the only thing which will cure that.

Pax
Linus2nd

The OP explicitly said that he and his wife are using NFP, which hardly makes it likely that his wife is on the pill.

You don’t need books, videos, or the internet.

You need communication with your spouse. I don’t understand what she means by “more interesting or exciting” either. Perhaps she’s read one too many romance novels or something.

Do what comes naturally. Talk, share likes and dislikes.

Use this as an opportunity to talk to her about what she wants. It would serve you well for the rest of your life to be able to talk about things like this openly and honestly.

Or maybe she just hasn’t figured out how to climax yet and feels a little disappointed.

That would be my working assumption when a chaste newlywed woman talks about “more interesting or exciting” sex.

Start with talking to your priest. Without having to use specific detail or graphic explanations, you can probably convey what your situation is. There are many programs put on by your Diocese and your priest should be able to guide you to someone in the appropriate Diocesan office. God Bless you for being faithful!

So no, she’s not on the pill, and no the problem isn’t that she isn’t climaxing. I understand the communication part, and communication isn’t a problem either. Climax is only one part of sex, we are wanting to know more about enhancing foreplay, etc. The whole experience.

That’s good!

I think Scott Hahn has a talk where he discusses marital relations. He mentions making it an all-day kind of thing - mention something to her in the morning, give her back/foot rubs during the day or early evening, whatever works for you. Women generally need much longer to get ‘turned on’ than men. Find out what works, what she likes, and go from there.

GREG POPCAK/HOLY SEX is neither holy nor sex. Beware!

The best book on male and female anatomy is from the “Hormone Diva” Dr. Larrian Gillespie, and it’s about the urinary tract but…There’s a lot of dietary info and anatomy that will help and you just add love. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH CYSTITIS is the book, and that’s how you know it’s good–very un-sexy name unlike…ugh…HOLY SEX. Dr. Larrian Gillespie is, for example, the inventor ? of non-mutilating surgery; and discovered that acid foods like cranberry juice aggravate “LEAKY CELL” for UTI’s. Gillespie’s other books include hormone info for men and women without being snarky or pervy like GREG…+

How did you get from making marital relations more stimulating, to cystitis?

She probably doesn’t either, hence the problem. It doesn’t seem all that surprising to me that a couple of newlyweds would be lost in the bedroom and that the woman especially would have a little trouble making it work at first (as a guy, I can make it work anytime, anywhere and I take it that’s true for most guys but not all). :thumbsup:

:thumbsup:

Read up on what the Church teaches that sex really is. Catechism, Love and Responsibility, even Good News about Sex and Marriage, I think he touches the subject… The whole idea of needing to spice up sex life with techniques etc to avoid boredom or whatever is more secular than actually spouses truly giving themselves to each other in love.

Right!

I am very confused by this post.

Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”

I’m not a theologian, but here is my take after reading a lot of Pope John Paul’s “Theology of the Body”

This has not been easy reading, but it’s been amazing. In my understanding, as long as a what a married couple does is done with continence, and ends in a unitive and procreative marital act, then all is good.

In “Continence protects the dignity of the conjugal acts “ (ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/jp2tb123.htm), Pope JPII says that what we do with our spouses must always be done in light of continence. A part of the “more general virtue of temperance…Continence consists in the capacity to dominate, control and direct drives of a sexual character (concupiscence of the flesh) and their consequences, in the psychosomatic subjectivity of man. Insofar as it is a constant disposition of the will, this capacity, merits being called a virtue.” ……”This virtue is seen to be the fundamental condition for the reciprocal language of the body to remain in the truth and for the couple to ‘defer to one another out of reverence for Christ,’.

“In this way also the essential character of conjugal chastity is manifested in its organic link with the power of love, which is poured out into the hearts of the married couple along with the consecration of the sacrament of marriage….Conjugal chastity…is manifested at first as the capacity to resist the concupiscence of the flesh. It later gradually reveals itself as a singular capacity to perceive, love and practice those meanings of the language of the body which remain altogether unknow to concupiscence itself…progressively enrich(ing) the marital dialogue of the couple, purifying it, deepening it, and at the same time simplifying it. Therefore….continence…does not impoverish affection manifestations, but rather makes them spiritually more intense and therefore enriches them.”

Viewed in this way, continence (ensuring your sexual desires are focused on your spouse) sanctifies a couple’s concupiscence.

In “Continence frees one from inner tension” (ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/jp2tb124.htm), Pope JPII explains that in the masculine/feminine relationships, within each of us there is “excitement” and “emotion”. Excitement is, of course, “above all corporeal and in this case sensual. On the other hand, even though aroused by the mutual reaction of masculinity and femininity, emotion refers above all to the person understood in the person’s integrality. We can say that this is an emotion caused by the person, in relation to the person’s masculinity or femininity.”

But here is the important part.
Continence is not only – and not even principally – the ability to abstain, that is mastery over the multiple reactions that are interwoven in the mutual influence of masculinity and femininity. Such a role would be defined as negative….(but rather it is the positive) ability to direct the respective reactions, both as to their content and their character.”

“Excitement seeks above all to be expressed in the form of sensual and corporeal pleasure. That is, it tends toward the conjugal act which…includes the possibility of procreation. Emotion, on the other hand, caused by another human being as a person, even if in its emotive content it is conditioned by the femininity or masculinity of the “other”, does not per se tend toward he conjugal act.”

So continence is the controlling of your sexual character, specifically toward turning your sensuality toward your spouse, and is virtuitous. Add in another virtuitous act, that of charity (to your spouse), and keep in mind the dual requirements for the marital act to always be unitive and procreative, and I believe that much of what is commonly held as “taboo” (marital aids, oral stimulation, self manual-stimulation, post-coital stimulation) is perfectly fine….as long as it is done in light of continence.

If you want a more graphic, but not pornographic, discussion of Catholic sex, then check out this blog: theramblingsofacrazyface.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/im-gonna-talk-bout-sex-for-a-minute/

You’re a lucky man to have a chaste wife who wants to “spice it up”.

Good luck, and God bless.

Perhaps I’m misinterpreting you and if so, please let me know. But if I’m understanding you correctly, I do not see why improving the physical aspects of sex (“spicing up”) and “truly giving themselves to each other in love” are mutually exclusive.

Take the key word there, “spice.” The primary purpose of food is to provide the body with nourishment. Yet adding “spice” to make food more flavorable does not need to detract from nourishment, the purpose which is being sought. Properly done, in fact, not only is “spice” not a detraction but is in fact an aid in achieving this purpose. Hey, I’m sure that some of you prefer broccoli in its plain form, but many of us don’t! :slight_smile:

The problem for Catholics, in my very humble opinion, is there are a lot of people constantly telling us how to improperly add that “spice” and a scant few voices talking about the proper routes.

What exactly do you understand by “more interesting and exciting”? I am not aware of a particularly “catholic” sex “how to” manual. There are any number of secular books. I guess my question to you is “what’s wrong with just experimenting together”? And BTW, how long have you been married?

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