So I’ve been discerning the Priesthood since July of 2010, I’ve been a Catholic for almost a year now, came in April 2011. I’ve felt the call to be a Priest since before I was Catholic, and because of that call I became a Catholic. Now almost two years later, I’m so confused still on what to do and where to go. The reason, well let’s make story time real quick.
Situation: I started entering into my discernment in July 2010 and officially in September 2010. I have been living celibate since 2007 so that I can utilize my time for God more and serve as a minister to his people. I was a protestant student minister in High School and I was a Student Military Chaplain at my college for four years converting to Catholicism my last year.
Problem: Well there’s this problem, its called a women. The first time I met her, I knew there was something different. This is going to sound weird, but I usually don’t have attraction for anyone or anything. I love God so much that he is usually my only attraction and thus I consider myself a consecrated man to God alone, so basically, I’m taken. This girl though keeps popping up every single time I get into a serious part of my discernment, I get really excited about my discernment and she pops up. I’ve known her for over a year, and I did fall in love with her, she’s my best friend, but nonetheless, its constant. I’ve discerned the Diocesan Priesthood, felt God say no, and now I’m discerning an Itinerant Order (Franciscans, Dominicans). She brings me a lot of Peace when I’m with her, and joy, but I figure that’s just part of actually being in love with her. Not infactuated, that’s passed already, so I’m so confused how I could love someone like this and may be called to be a Priest or Religious. I’m divided, between her and the Priesthood, not her and God, but her and the Priesthood, because I feel God so strongly when I’m with her. There’s a natural peace and joy that I have when I’m with her and I’m really trying to figure this one out.
Not sure if anyone has any ideas or good readings on this could be of some use, would talk to my spiritual director, but he’s sort of in the Mayo Clinic right now so that’s not really an option.
Prayers would be appreciated as I figure this one out.