Which is WORSE? Dating a non Catholic or a long distance relationship?


#1

Hi

  I live in the south wheres there not many Catholic girls at all. So I'm starting to think my only hope is either date a non Catholic girl or have a long distance relationship with a Catholic girl. So which is worse? Dating a non Catholic or a long distance relationship?

#2

Personally I have tried both and the non-Catholic was much, much worse. When you have really very little similarities in background, beliefs, and morals it is hard to understand each other…and the relationship usually quickly disintegrates…
However, that being said…everyone is different and certain things that work for me may not work for you. Some people really can not do long distance. But that is their way…:slight_smile:


#3

Oh dear. That's a good question.

Dating a someone who isn't really religious (maybe a lapsed catholic or agnostic) can sometimes be a better idea than a long distance relationship. Unless you have a previous connection, a long distance relationship is tough. Really tough.

Remember that it's not immoral to date a non-catholic and it's not immoral to be in a long distance relationship. Both are just really challenging.


#4

Perhaps one should first consider what dating IS.

Dating is the current mode for determining if you want to marry a person.

If you have discerned that you do not have a religious vocation (always the first thing any young person should consider) and that marriage is your vocation, then determine, are you ready to marry? If the answer is no, then, there is no reason to date.

If you are at a place in your life where you are ready to marry and start a family, then, the first thing to look for is someone who shares your faith and values. There is a reason that Scripture tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. There is a reason that the Church strongly discourages mixed marriages.

When you are ready to marry, put God first in the selection process.


#5

I don’t know. My wife did both. I was a long distance non-Catholic relationship now celebrating 15 years of marriage and 22 years together.


#6

Aw, great story! :slight_smile:


#7

This may be true, but dating can also be a fun, carefree, and enjoyable experience. Remember to add that.

Asking for the company of a particular female or male for a specific event (that’s what a date is…I think) doesn’t have to include the intention of marriage.

In fact, alot of dating is determine what you want in a spouse…not if your going to marry a specific person…

We haven’t disagreed in awhile Kage…Just had to throw this out there and see if it counted…:wink:


#8

If you have discerned that you do not have a religious vocation (always the first thing any young person should consider) and that marriage is your vocation, then determine, are you ready to marry? If the answer is no, then, there is no reason to date.

This seems way over the top. A person in high school or college shouldn’t skip dating just because they aren’t ready to marry. That is when we start to learn the qualities that we really want in a spouse. Plus, that is when we really learn how to interact with the opposite sex.

Now to the original question, I’d rather date long distance… but everybody has their own threshold as to what is acceptable.


#9

Rascal,

If we are talking about buddy/friend/pals, then hanging out is fine before one is ready to marry.

If we are talking about romance, that is reserved for those who are ready to marry.

You don’t name the puppy if you are not ready to take him home.


#10

I think it depends on how you view romance.

When I was 17/18, I dated romantically and was not ready to marry. Heck, I’m not ready to get married now, and I date. If I find the gal I’m looking for, I would get married-but I don’t start new relationships with the indention of “we’re getting married someday or I wouldn’t be here getting to know you feeling”

As another poster said, alot of dating is learning how to interact with the opposite sex-your never too old to get more insight into the opposite gender.


#11

God will lead you to the right one if it's His Will, OP. You don't have to "settle for less."

God Bless :)


#12

That is the secular view of dating.

It should be different for us Catholic Christians.


#13

It should be “You are the kind of person I would consider to marry. Let’s date and see if it is a fit for both of us”.

A Catholic would be foolish to romantically date someone that they would not consider as a potential spouse.


#14

How unfortunate for those you date.

Dating is not a “pasttime” or “Carefree”. It is for serious discernment. Otherwise, your “Carefreeness” brakes hearts, and creates bonds that are broken later. From the very first date in the last 4 of my relationships, they were about discerning if this was the right person to marry. Some got serious, some didn’t. But all of them ended early enough because that was always at the top of my mind. I didn’t create emotional bonds too early, etc.

I would never want to be someone’s carefree pasttime. I’m not a “trial and error” experiment for someone to learn social skills and meanwhile play with my heart. One can learn how to “interact” with friends, same sex and different, while growing up and in friendships. You don’t need to date someone to refine your social skills.


#15

Charming. Maybe you should ask them instead of feel unfortunate for them.

The women I’ve dated didn’t complain. Except when we broke up. Then they did. Alot. Although sometimes I did complain as well.

Yeah, being carefree and having fun while dating- what a horrible idea.

The secular view of dating , usually, involves a higher sense of physical intimacy than the Christian view of dating. A christian can have fun, date around, look for they want, and still be a practicing Christian in good standing.


#16

Personally, I only will date a girl if I feel like she would be the type of person I have would long term potential with… any relationship I enter, would ultimately be with someone I could end up marrying. If I know I wouldn’t want to marry her, then I would not date her.

I also feel that it isn’t necessarily bad to date a non-catholic or have a long distance relationship. You framed the question in a negative light… as if both answers are bad. Sounds like you don’t want to do either.


#17

I have done both. My ex GF was not Catholic and almost 3 out of a little over 4 years was long distance. It was the religion thing that killed it not the distance. My current GF of almost a year is a wonderful Catholic. In the couple years I have been hanging out with her, we have lived 3 blocks apart, 5 hours apart, and now about 40 minutes apart. We have seen all proximities and worked through it all. I think the distance actually made us stronger and helped us to realize how much we meant to each other. I think I finally found a keeper.

IMHO, I would say to stay away from mixed religion. If you work at it, you can deal with the distance.


#18

It was not dating you wrote this, but maybe you said friendship,
I am not thinking about anything, but I am thinking that dating means will be getting married one day.
Surely, that dating means the intention of marriage-
and the fact that simply because one wanted to marry


#19

I never said anything about not having fun. DO NOT twist or put words in my mouth. Why don’t you read the whole post…

So…they complained when you broke up, and you did too. Why does that not connect the dots for you?

I didn’t complain when my relationships ended, because I knew it was God’s will and that we successfully discerned the relationship. It wasn’t an “experiment” in social skills. There was no “dating around”. That’s called being a player…even when sex isn’t involved.

Fun is a benefit. Companionship is a benefit, NOT the goal.


#20

So I can count you down for Friday night, huh? Sure thing. Pick you up around 7.

I did read the whole post. Relax.

We broke up for reasons other than commitment. Thinking about the two most important exes, one moved back home to Cali, one ended for another reason altogether. So don’t you jump to conclusions either. There are no dots to connect. Thanks anyway though.

I bet you did complain when your relationships ended. We all do. It’s human nature.

And as to being a player…I plead guilty to that. Chess is my personal favorite, though I love video games too.

Sushi work for you?


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