I have recently made the personal choice to learn as much as I can of the Catholic faith. My heart has always been drawn to it, partially due to my discovery of St. Therese. Now, I am looking at being the possibility of vocations. Namely marriage or a call to become a nun. God has placed both on my life, giving me the desire to have children and the desire to follow him completely. I am working on St. Therese's book right now, and feel that when the time comes when I can after leaving my parents home go to RCA, I would take her as my patron or confirmation saint.
It's a hard choice for me but, sometimes I really do feel my soul dragging in this world. I want to please God and ask for an eternal peace, one that seems hard to find in the daily struggle just to live in our world. I keep thinking back on the passage I read in the Bible of Jesus as the heavenly beggar, just yearning for us to open our doors to him. And despite the fact that even I am guilty of this, I want to stop living for what the world has to offer, in reality it alone provides no joy. I can't even contemplate his gift for us, the fact he died for us, and there really is no way of repaying it. And every day we cry out asking him to answer our prayers...and every day he does, even the smallest and most insignificant of requests he turns an ear too.
I know if I choose to become a nun I risk losing my non-Christian family. They may very well never visit me, or write again as they have said they don't approve. One friend I have however, stated merely that she feels they treat me less like a daughter and more like an unwanted house guest sometimes and it might not be so big of a sacrifice if it meant something better was on the horizon. At 22, I'm still worried about my future and what's the best choice. Every time I see a little kid I go through the ohh, I want one which brings up worries of other things, is it selfish or not? I wanted to be married or well thought of it but felt it might not be for me.
I read a Bible verse claiming we must give up all even our children to follow him. When I recently went through a scare where my parents debated throwing me out because we don't see eye to eye, I realized that maybe it was also a wake up call from God, to stop living for the world, and to willingly accept his embrace, and become one of his humble handmaids.
What do you think? What websites do you recommend on the Catholic faith? Any good blogs on the faith and vocations? What do you feel I am called to do?