I am having trouble finding resources for finding who I am in relation to God. I get the general who the church is. I see a lot of priests and the like talk about being who we are with God… I am wondering more specifically what the entails. When I look at my own reflection I see very clearly I have a separate identity from God-but there’s also the realization I am not a separate entity from God.
That being said how do we find out who we are internally. When we strip away all of the sin, trauma (I had a traumatic childhood that I’m resolving) and even potential virtues gained through Christ.
I had this question because I was just diagnosed with C-PTSD. I spent many years in a depressive dissociated state. Growing up I always knew internally if I am “different” from my older family members there was a high chance I’d be hurt. So I always hid my thoughts emotions feelings etc. finally at the age of 25,I convinced doctors the terrible mental diagnoses I had been given we’re false and more because of trauma, not psychotic illnesses, moved out, did a 180 on my life, was taken off medications, lost 100lbs, and stopped doing some habitual sins that I used to cope with my trauma. I’ve been praying the rosary everyday, but something is still missing… I just don’t have any concept of who I am. Other people describe me as kind, loving compassionate and many positive things-but I don’t think those are my identity either.
Any resources people know of or thoughtful reflections would be helpful. It’s been a long journey and it took the first 24 years of my life to finally figure out what was “wrong” with me and I’ve been two months in a state of fresh beginnings, estranged from my family of origin and original church community, and trying to figure out what kind of person Jesus intended for me to be. Having had a fractured relationship with my biological parents, I’ve tended to view God as someone who “loves” me but doesn’t actually care and would discard me in a heartbeat. Which is what my family did once I portrayed the treatment. I am unlearning that view of God and discovering he is different from anyone on this side of heaven and that has been very healing.