Who do you love more ,your spouse or your kids

Inspired by the question asked by the lady the other day .I am neither married nor have kids .

Love is love… I don’t think there can be a “more” or “less” scenario on love.

But to answer your question in a different way…
Marriage is a Sacrament. Children are the *result *from that Sacrament, but they are not the Sacrament itself.

But love isn’t competing…

What was the point of her question?

Love for a spouse is different than love for one’s children. You’re married to your spouse for the rest of your life, but not to your children.

I don’t think the question is worded in a way that I can answer accurately.

Most of us love lots of people. Our spouses, children, other relatives and friends. We “like” some people more than others. We are obligated to put other’s needs before our own in some people more than others.

So, I would say that ideally one’s spouse is to come before, i.e., their wants and needs are to be primary, before the children’s wants and needs. That doesn’t have to do with personal preference as in a “feeling” of love (or liking) one person or another at any given time.

I agape my children
I eros, agape and philia my wife.

The work of loving your spouse includes loving your children together, even if those are your spouse’s children from a previous relationship. Likewise, it is also vital to the work of raising children properly, and even vital to being a role model to adult children, to have the best relationship possible with their other parent. You cannot neglect one without neglecting all.

There are going to be times, however, when loving all of them will require doing some things that not any of them are going to like! Actually, the only one you may put last in your family is you, and even that has its limits, because you cannot get blood out of a tired and used-up old turnip.

Apples and oranges. Husband’s opinion matters more than kids’ opinions, but the kids’ needs come first. They are dependent, my husband is a grown man.

I’ve been asked that horrible question - if you could only save one person in an emergency, your child or your husband - who would it be? Hands down, I’d save my child. And I think that’s normal for a mother to have that instinct, and most fathers would want it to be so.

I wouldn’t say I love my kids more, but I can see myself eventually carrying on after the death of my husband in a way that I would not be able to if I lost one of my kids.

Is there a difference?

A man and a woman bound by matrimony are no longer two but one. What binds them is love. And their children are that very love that unites them.

This is why the family is seen as an image of the Blessed Trinity.


There are even atheists, though, who don’t put the two in competition. That isn’t a recipe for a happy spouse and family.

My dog.

Just kidding…(or is that just dogging?)

Your spouse. Both my parents love each other more than they love their children. This is part of the natural order.

This is where I was going to go.

Deacon, were you perhaps inspired by last weeks’ gospel when Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him?

I actually preached on it.

English is not an adequate language to describe “love” as the people of Christ’s time and location understood it. Unfortuately that means that we native English speakers have an inadaquate understanding of the concept(s).

There is an exercise that some parishes use in their marriage prep programs, put together by a group of Catholic counselors.

It asks: If you were in a boating accident in the middle of the ocean with you family, and you could only save one other person besides yourself, would you save your:

  1. mother
  2. spouse
  3. child?

Supposedly the “right” answer is your spouse. Of course that would be imprudent of me because if I saved my wife instead of my child, my wife would subsequently kill me. :smiley:


I read this a couple of years ago and I never forgot it. I hope that one day that is me. The part where she talks about how if she lost one of her children she would be devastated, but that there would be hope for a happy future with her husband is something that I hope rings true for me throughout my own life. I firmly believe that the love, commitment, devotion, and everything else that comes with being married should trump the love, commitment, and devotion of a parent-child relationship.

Don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I will love my spouse more.

The Church teaches that we are actually supposed to love our spouse more than our kids.

They made dang sure we knew that in the mandatory pre-cana retreat we went to.

Yikes. I don’t know any moms that would save anyone over their own child - and yes, I would kill my husband if he saved me instead of one of our kids!

Sorry, I guess I am in the minority here. I think losing a spouse is always less tragic than losing a child. I assume my husband feels the same.

Both DH & me are in agreement that for both of us, DS comes first.
And this is fine.
We know it is supposed to be God, Spouse, kids, …
But we are God, son, spouse,…

I think we are all naturally inclined to love our child more than our spouse… and to put our children’s lives above that of our spouse. It’s instinctive I think.

Loving our spouses more than our children, and putting our spouse above our children, is supposed to be a challenge… just like doing the right thing is usually a challenge.

I’m not a mom yet, so it’s easy for me to say all this now. Give me a couple years and we’ll see how good I am about it lol. :slight_smile:

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