Who do you vote for, Joe or John?


#1

Okay ladies, here’s the situation. I’ve decided, after 8+ years of widowhood that I’m open to marriage. I’m financially secure, with a good career, and some investment property. I’m physically fit, not very outgoing, like a lot of time to myself, fast approaching 50. I want your opinions of the two different men who are currently options for me. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Man #1… Joe, is 4 years younger than me, extremely fit and physically attractive, even though he has long hair. He seems younger than his age, has never been married, no kids, , loves to hang out with his brothers, is an avid mountain biker, has a wild look about him. He is a on and off practising Catholic who always goes to confession before returning to the Church and will sit out of communion if necessary. I can tell he’s geniuinly spiritual. I suspect Joe might sometimes smoke pot. He has a happy go lucky attitude, but probably is ready to settle down. I really like talking to him. He is intelligent, ethical, and passionate.

Man #2… John is a previously married, one grown son, long time single, solid citizen. He owns a downtown pharmacy, is a pharmacist, I’ve heard he’s ‘rich’ as one person told me. He is involved in community organizations and is a good guy. He is nice looking, but struggles with his weight and I’ve never been physically attracted to him. He is an avid skier and is always hinting that we should go skiing together. He has a mountain chalet. He might be eligible for marriage in the Church because he was probably baptized Catholic and didn’t marry in the Church the first time. That’s a guess on my part. He is very courteous, a bit shy and has an endearing stutter. He is also probably a bit younger than me. He likes to eat at fancy restaurants, and someone once told me that he drinks too much. He has short red hair, a nice trimmed beard, and brown eyes. A very devout lady from my church was very approving when she heard he was interested in me.

What do you think? Joe or John? I still have 2 kids living at home who are 4th and 5th grade. They are really good kids and a primary concern for me.


#2

First, I must say I think it’s extremely cute that you posted this.

However, I must also say that:

I wouldn’t want a pot-smoking husband, and nor would I want one who is sometimes not big on practicing his faith.

I also wouldn’t want a husband whom I can find any physical attraction nor chemistry toward, knowing that this is completely subjective. (And you’re sure that spending time with him and seeing the beauty of his soul wouldn’t change how you feel about his outward appearance?)

I’d say you might have to look elsewhere if both have a tragic flaw or two. :wink:


#3

Sorry but one guy that smokes dope and another who drinks too much… especially since you have young children, neither I’m afraid. :-/


#4

Yikes, I missed the drinking too much…

Yeah, I’m sticking with neither. :slight_smile:


#5

Well, the trouble with John is that he doesn’t go to church at all. Joe does go to church sometimes and is currently doing so. He seems more spiritual than John. John is a very stable citizen but I worry about him having health problems because of his weight, and I worry that I’ve heard that he drinks too much, because that’s a temptation for me that I have to watch. The trouble with Joe is that he has an untamed air about him. But, he’s 44 and might be ready to settle down. I don’t know for sure that he smokes pot, it’s just a guess.

So, Joe is more spiritual, but John seems more conservative in his lifestyle. Joe definately rings my bells. But John is just so nice and courteous. He’s a solid citizen. But, he doesn’t go to church. Yet, life with him would definately be not full of any melodrama. Joe is a passionate guy, very vital, with a lusty air about him. I’m super attracted to him.


#6

Well, it seems like you favour Joe. Do you really think he’d be a good role model for your children though?


#7

Now, I’m not sure about the drinking or smoking pot, I’d have to get to know them better to find out if thats the case. Someone told me that John drinks too much, but I don’t know that for a fact. I know he loves to eat out at expensive restaurants. I also know he is a wonderful busness owner, well respected, and a good member of the community. Joe is also a business owner, having a bike shop. He’s a good guy too. I like them both.


#8

[quote=spiritblows]Well, the trouble with John is that he doesn’t go to church at all. Joe does go to church sometimes and is currently doing so. He seems more spiritual than John. John is a very stable citizen but I worry about him having health problems because of his weight, and I worry that I’ve heard that he drinks too much, because that’s a temptation for me that I have to watch. The trouble with Joe is that he has an untamed air about him. But, he’s 44 and might be ready to settle down. I don’t know for sure that he smokes pot, it’s just a guess.

So, Joe is more spiritual, but John seems more conservative in his lifestyle. Joe definately rings my bells. But John is just so nice and courteous. He’s a solid citizen. But, he doesn’t go to church. Yet, life with him would definately be not full of any melodrama. Joe is a passionate guy, very vital, with a lusty air about him. I’m super attracted to him.
[/quote]

Hmm, it sort of sounds like the things you are most worried about concerning Joe are the exact things that draw you to him. Being untamed, a tad wild, etc.

It’s fine to be super attracted to him, but is he the kind of guy you’d like as a role model and stepfather for your children?


#9

[quote=Princess_Abby]Hmm, it sort of sounds like the things you are most worried about concerning Joe are the exact things that draw you to him. Being untamed, a tad wild, etc.

It’s fine to be super attracted to him, but is he the kind of guy you’d like as a role model and stepfather for your children?
[/quote]

You’re mirroring my thoughts exactly!

I think I’d go for John but do check into the drinking issue. Not because he has more money - money and looks are not so important. He might have weight issues but I’d rather be with someone who was good to me and my children and who I could have a great relationship with for a short time, assuming they did develop health problems related to their weight, than be with someone for longer that I didn’t have so rich a relationship with.


#10

Yes, probably John would be a more solid father figure. I’m not sure what his view of the Church is though. I know he was dating a woman who always went to church, and he never went with her. ’

Joe is very good with kids I’ve noticed. He always has young guys at the bike shop hanging around and I like the way he interacts with them. He’s also been helping corral in the skateboarders at the church since he lives across the street from it. He’s been straight talking and no nonesense with them. He’s currently building a frisbee park, he’s a real energetic sportsman type guy. I like the fact that he respects the Church. Also, his grandma, who was over 90, just died at home. He was taking care of her and I like they way he did that, and how much he loved his grandma. He’s really broken up about her death.


#11

[quote=spiritblows]Yes, probably John would be a more solid father figure. I’m not sure what his view of the Church is though. I know he was dating a woman who always went to church, and he never went with her. ’

Joe is very good with kids I’ve noticed. He always has young guys at the bike shop hanging around and I like the way he interacts with them. He’s also been helping corral in the skateboarders at the church since he lives across the street from it. He’s been straight talking and no nonesense with them. He’s currently building a frisbee park, he’s a real energetic sportsman type guy. I like the fact that he respects the Church. Also, his grandma, who was over 90, just died at home. He was taking care of her and I like they way he did that, and how much he loved his grandma. He’s really broken up about her death.
[/quote]

He sounds like he could be a good catch. I’d look at his values and how they line up with yours. He may come into the church in time.

The other guy sounds like he appeals to a side of you that wants to be young, free and a little bit wreckless. But I think you find him more interesting than John.


#12

Why are these guys the only options? :slight_smile:

Neither are perfect, and while perfection will never happen, it seems to me that when it’s right, it’s right and there aren’t significant issues about someone that causes you pause.

Are there Catholic singles groups in your area? Something geared towards widow/ers, annulled divorce’es, etc.? My parents’ parish has one, so I would think there are other such groups elsewhere.

There is always www.catholicmatch.com or www.avemariasingles.com, though I would consider carefully before signing up, as internet dating has both pros and risks. It seems to be more mainstream and I know people who are doing it, but they are in their 20/30s, never been married, dated quite a bit and don’t have young children to consider. (But there are ALL age groups and situations on those sites.)

Also, do your friends know that you’re now looking around? This would be a great time to think about allowing yourself to be set-up by a trusted friend.


#13

Dear mum,
I know a lot of previously wild men settle down in their 40’s. Now Joe, he was going to Texas every winter. I live up north. He worked for UPS in Texas every winter now he is ready for his 20 year retirement. He only ran his bike shop in the summer. He’s from here. He told me this. He also told me that I’m not too old for him. We had a conversation that bordered on a little too ribald, but I told him that since he was an attractive guy, that we shouldn’t be talking that way. He is respectful. He told me that he’s been praying the rosary, that he did so with his grandma when she was dying, and that he wants to make a habit of it. He’s been doing any work on my bike at cost. He’s really sweet.

Now John, he’s nice too. I’ve always been evasive when he invites me to his chalet. We always talk about skiing. I’m a pretty hotshot skier. He’s been skiing in Switzerland. Also, he’s really nice, I like him. But, I don’t think he’s spiritual.


#14

Dear Abby,
For one thing, I’m almost 50, so I can’t be totally picky. Secondly, I live in a rather unpopulated area. These guys really are both nice guys. I think I need to get to know them better.

You guys are a great sounding board!


#15

[quote=spiritblows]Dear Abby,
For one thing, I’m almost 50, so I can’t be totally picky. Secondly, I live in a rather unpopulated area. These guys really are both nice guys. I think I need to get to know them better.

You guys are a great sounding board!
[/quote]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Yes, you CAN be totally picky and you owe it to yourself to not just settle for who happens to be around town. :slight_smile:

But I agree that there is nothing wrong with getting to know these men further and seeing how comfortable you are with either of them after that.


#16

I’m not a “lady” (or even a woman;) ) but can I vote?

How about none of the above?


#17

How about looking on Ave Maria Singles for potential husband?

Neither of these men sound like someone I would want as a father if I were in 4th and 5th grade. But hey, I am sure that you ahve plenty of other options out there! :wink:


#18

Dear Lynnie,
The trouble is, I don’t want to move and I doubt if anyone from my area, in my age catogory, would be on Ave Maria dating service.

Really both these guys are probably good enough for me, since I’m not perfect either. What I want is a guy that is not going to need to be babied. I want a lot of independence. I don’t want stepchildren or complicated situations. But, I do want regular sex, because St Paul said better to marry than burn. So, as far as that, both these guys will probably not be high maintence but fulfill their conjugal duties adequetely and happily, as would I.

Joe is a wild man, and has lots of hobbies, so I wouldn’t need to be his mother. John has money and hobbies, and a prosperous business, and likes to go to restaurants, so I wouldn’t have to cook for him all the time. They are both decent human beings, although not perfect. As long as they’re not smothering, I would be content.


#19

If you were sure there was no pot smoking I’d go with Man #1. Ok I should warn you this is coming from a woman who ran off and married a bad boy at the age of 18. (Now a reformed bad boy and solid Catholic.)

My reasons being first off not ever married over divorced. One -you have no ex-wife or stepchild complications. Two -I would wonder some about how seriously a person who is divorced may or may not take their marriage vows. It also sounds like there is more potential for #1 to become a faithful Catholic then #2. And to be honest he just sounds more fun and interesting. The only red flag would be the pot smoking as am strong against it. Especially since you have young children.


#20

You haven’t mentioned what your children think of either man. For me, that would be the most important consideration. He’s not just marrying you, he’s marrying a family. Your children must always come first.

Also sounds like you haven’t really dated either one yet, so don’t be making a decision based on the few things you know about them. It takes time to really get to know someone. Don’t rush.


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