Who would you date?

I started this poll to see how many people are like minded with me on this subject. I was wondering, what are your rules concerning the people you date and their religiousity. Personally, I have a rule that says I will only date orthodox Catholics, because for several reasons. Being that I view dating as a precursor to marriage, I wouldn’t date anyone whom I wouldn’t marry, and I refuse to marry a non-Catholic. Also, since living the chaste life is difficult for me alone, I wouldn’t want to date someone who had lax morals which make me more susceptible to compromising my own morals. I would also want to be with someone who I could go to Mass with often, since it is important to me. My faith is important to me and I would also like to be able to discuss it with someone of like mind. Anyways, thats a few of my reasons. Any thoughts?

I would only marry a Catholic, therefore I would only date a Catholic. There are, however, two people that I already know that could be exceptions to this, if life were to swing in that direction.

Ten years ago when I met my husband, I was a ‘non-practicing Christian’ and he a devote Catholic. Thank God that we met and he led me Home! Please don’t rule anyone out due to relgious beliefs. You never know where one’s calling may be to lead others home.

I did not vote as the option I would select was not there. So here it is.

No one, as I am discerning a vocation to the religious life/priesthood.

[quote=Tanais]I started this poll to see how many people are like minded with me on this subject. I was wondering, what are your rules concerning the people you date and their religiousity. Personally, I have a rule that says I will only date orthodox Catholics, because for several reasons. Being that I view dating as a precursor to marriage, I wouldn’t date anyone whom I wouldn’t marry, and I refuse to marry a non-Catholic. Also, since living the chaste life is difficult for me alone, I wouldn’t want to date someone who had lax morals which make me more susceptible to compromising my own morals. I would also want to be with someone who I could go to Mass with often, since it is important to me. My faith is important to me and I would also like to be able to discuss it with someone of like mind. Anyways, thats a few of my reasons. Any thoughts?
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Yes, this is my view also. However, I would not overlook the power of love. I could date a non-Catholic Christian with an eye toward marriage if we could accept each others differences and then she could enroll in RCIA :smiley:

I am hoping that God’s choice for me will be someone who shares the same faith as I do. We shall see what’s in store for me.

When I was a catechumen I met my husband in a nightclub where my band was playing. He asked if I was free to date and I said yes but be warned, I’m studying to be a Catholic and am not going to throw that over if it’s a problem with you. He said fine, he was a cradle Catholic who had been out of the Church and wanted to come back. What an angle! I saw it as pure grace.

None of the choices fit for me. I would only date someone I’d be willing to marry. This means that he must be able to accept having a Catholic wife and Catholic children. My first choice would be a Catholic, but not a stubbornly non-practicing “Catholic” who’d be a bad example for the children and a source of temptation for me (to become lax).

Actually, the man I married (21 years ago and counting!) was a semi-religious Lutheran when I met him, and the first non-Catholic I ever dated. He reassured me very early on that he was supportive of my faith and my intention to raise Catholic children. In fact, he started accompanying me to Mass from the week we met, first on Sundays and then on first Fridays, too. We talked and debated until only a few obstacles remained to his becoming Catholic (the usual ones – Mary and the Pope), but when we were married he was still officially Protestant. He finally entered RCIA when I pointed out that our first child would soon be getting old enough to notice that Daddy never received communion.

The older we get, the more thankful I am for such a good husband, and such a good example for our children. (Our oldest daughter, now 20, still attends Mass even when she’s away at college.) He has helped me to make a truly Catholic home for our family, and continually nudges me toward a closer relationship with God. Sharing our faith has made many difficult situations much, much easier.

By contrast, my sister also married a non-Catholic Christian, but he remains mildly antagonistic toward the Church and has caused many difficulties for her – both in her own relgious practice and in the raising of their son. She’s faced a lot of heartache in her marriage, although they’re still “surviving.”

You can date who you like, but plan for the golden years.

My wife and I have been married for over 40 year now, I met my wife two year before we got married, she was Catholic and I was lost. We talked about our faith and how we would like to bring up our family. We both agreed that the best way to bring our kid and keep our family together was in the Catholic Church, which we both have done. Our kids are all growing up now and we have eight grandchilden, My son is adopted and is the owner of a large company and a Deacon in this church, My oldest girl is a manager of a large bank, my youngest girl is a manager of a insurance company. All my kid were bought up Catholic and went to a Catholic school. I have my God and Church to thank for that and the 40 years of marriage to the Crown of our house my wife (Rosemary). Without her this lost man would be lying next to the road.

In my experience the difference between a non-believer and a Catholic/Protestant is almost non-existent at times. I am 30 and single and have found very little or no difference between the Christian and non-Christian women I have dated. Women’s attitudes towards money, sex and other vices are the same except for the fact that the “Christian” women simply call themselves that. They live no differently for the most part.

At times I must think that I am the only man alive that actually complains that women are too loose. When I was weak in the faith and in my early twenties it was “cool” having women of low moral character around for fun. Fortunately God has shown me the errors of my ways and I simply avoid those women. Unfortunately it also means avoiding most women who claim to be Christian.

Now that I am thirty those same types of women have been used up, are single moms and claim that they want a nice guy to treat them kindly. This isn’t the case really. Most of them long for the “fun days” of partying and living fancy free (whatever that is.)

Put the above with the fact that the divorce rate among Christians is the same or higher (around 50%), marriage seems to be a high risk enterprise to me. Simply doing the numbers means that 50% fail and 50% of the ones that don’t aren’t any good. Which means I have about a 1 in 4 chance of having a happy marriage. The guys I know that have gotten divorced are completely destroyed by the process financially and emotionally for years.

I have given up on dating except for the occasional group date with some friends. I go simply to be with my friends rather than looking for the “soul mate”. (Which by the way comes from Jewish mysticism that says that souls are split when created between the male and female and you have to find your other half for complete happiness.)

I am quiet content being single besides the longing for physical companionship, which I deal with by using mediation and prayer with varying degrees of success. If I didn’t care about sexual morality I could do like every other single man my age I know (both in and out of the church) does which is simply find some girl willing to fool around. They are in surplus for sure.

You’re entire post was well said and mirrors how I feel about the men out there. I’d rather not date.

My friends actually laugh at my choice to remain celebate and have wished me lots of luck in finding a man who will “put up with waiting” for more than 3 dates ( I guess that is the magic number of dates allowed before you are required to sleep together). Luck nothing! I’ll just trust that God will put me where I need to be and introduce me to someone - or not.

I will add that from a woman’s perspective the above passage applies to men as well.

Psalm89 you took the words out of my mouth.

But I feel the need to point out something regarding the following statement:

Now that I am thirty those same types of women have been used up, are single moms and claim that they want a nice guy to treat them kindly. This isn’t the case really. Most of them long for the “fun days” of partying and living fancy free (whatever that is.)

I will submit to your general theme here. The majority of young single mom’s out there (those who became pregnant out of marriage- not divorced mom’s generally) are still very selfish and look out for numero uno before anyone. And often their children are their last priority.

But as a Faithful single mom myself, I have to point out that there are those of us out there who- like you - have removed themselves from the dating scene. In my case it is to focus on mothering.

Maybe the women who you would find interesting and be compatible with- are at home, mommying.

I also would like to point out, that for every single mother floozy you have run into- there is a man who refuses to properly acknowledge the children they’ve made. They date freely without regard to sickness, and weekly piano lessons and even birthdays.

You called single mom’s “used up”, and though you may not have meant it as it may seem, it truly is a very uncharitable term for mothers like me who spend their entire life sacrificing for their children. Yeah, we put ourselves in that position- and a few of us take full responsibility for those bad choices.

But God teaches that we are NEVER beyond redemption. We can be made whole again with God. You might see me as used up, but hopefully God sees much more.

::stepping off soapbox::


As I noted before, I choose not to actively seek a spouse.

If I were to date, my preference would be to date someone Catholic. I would consider dating another Chrisian, but only after much consideration on our compatibility.

[quote=jrabs]You’re entire post was well said and mirrors how I feel about the men out there. I’d rather not date.

My friends actually laugh at my choice to remain celebate and have wished me lots of luck in finding a man who will “put up with waiting” for more than 3 dates ( I guess that is the magic number of dates allowed before you are required to sleep together). Luck nothing! I’ll just trust that God will put me where I need to be and introduce me to someone - or not.
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:amen:

In re-reading what I have posted, it does sound a bit harsh. My point really is much the same as yours. Many single mothers are just as irresponsible as they were before they had a child. The responsibility is forced upon them when they have no desire to live responsibly at all (that is why they ended up pregnant out of wedlock in the first place). They still wish for the days of wine and song as it were, and the care of a child is more of an inconvenience than a blessing for them. Their search for a “good guy” is out of necessity, not out of want. They still dream of the rich, cool guy in the hot car that can show them a fun time.

I think the term “used up” might be replaced by excessive emotional baggage. Only the most spiritual and strongest of women can deal with the pain of the father of their child(ren) being indifferent about the child’s life. The single mothers that I have dated still in their hearts long for the father to come back and it created problems in our relationship. They constantly complained and about the father and at the same time wanted him back even when it was impractical. Of course this has been my own experience and while I haven’t dated any, I think there are some single mothers out there that can overcome this hardship and have a successful marriage to someone that isn’t the child’s father.

Shiann, your ability to take responsibility for your actions are commendable and beautiful, a rare trait among people today. I hope that nothing I wrote hurt your feelings. :o

I would like to add that I have come to the conclusion that a successful marriage is miraculous in today’s culture. I put it on par with being having long-term good health or perhaps having genuine financial security. It is truly a blessing that is not easily to come by and must be treasured once it is acquired.

The hardest part about being single isn’t being alone physically. It is being alone in other ways. I don’t worry about my ability to date, which is easy enough. I don’t worry about people understanding the “real me” or finding a fantastic lover or other such nonsense. The best way to describe it is “nobody cares.” I feel as though I am on a ship sailing in a sea of immorality and self-destructive behavior. Nobody seems cares about virtue. The women seem to be much more interested in my bank account and physical looks (I don’t feel lacking in either, I have a good job, a large house and have been called handsome enough times to believe it).

Funny but sad story: Last year I took out a daughter of a pastor. She was attractive, never been married and seemed to be of high moral character. I took her to a very nice romantic restaurant because I felt as if I had a special girl I was taking out. We had no sooner sat down at our table and the very first question she asked me was, “Do you own any stock?” I answered truthfully, which is yes I invest my money in mutual funds, but the brazenness of the question stuck in my mind all night. I toyed with the idea of wearing a bank statement on my lapel on future dates so that the women I take out can judge if my bank account is large enough. Her favorite hobby was shopping by the way.

For the women reading this I don’t want to think that I am picking on women. I know men are just a sinful as women are, but I can only relate about what I see when I am dating and I stick to women when I date. :smiley:

That is why a good marriage is a miracle in my opinion.

[quote=Psalm89] Funny but sad story: Last year I took out a daughter of a pastor. She was attractive, never been married and seemed to be of high moral character. I took her to a very nice romantic restaurant because I felt as if I had a special girl I was taking out. We had no sooner sat down at our table and the very first question she asked me was, “Do you own any stock?” I answered truthfully, which is yes I invest my money in mutual funds, but the brazenness of the question stuck in my mind all night. I toyed with the idea of wearing a bank statement on my lapel on future dates so that the women I take out can judge if my bank account is large enough. Her favorite hobby was shopping by the way.
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I can some what relate. I dated a girl in college who only really cared about money. She couldn’t stand the fact I was a criminal justice major who wanted to be a cop; used to drives us crazy. She finally had enough of my “having no ambition” and we broke it off. Interesting enough, bumped into her a few years later when I had first gotten into the mortgage industry and was very interested in us getting to know each other again. HA! I put a stop to that real quick. Luckily I’m engaged to a wonderful woman who could care less about making tons of money.

[quote=Psalm89]In my experience the difference between a non-believer and a Catholic/Protestant is almost non-existent at times. I am 30 and single and have found very little or no difference between the Christian and non-Christian women I have dated. Women’s attitudes towards money, sex and other vices are the same except for the fact that the “Christian” women simply call themselves that. They live no differently for the most part.
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I must say on this point I disagree with you. I have dated a non-catholic before and now I am dating a catholic and I can see a major difference. the non-catholic had a laxed sense of morality and tempted me to lax my own, whereas I trust the Catholic not to do that, she is strong in her faith and has inspired my own. Furthermore, with the non-catholic, she was hostile to my strong religiousity. With my girlfriend now I enjoy going to Mass and talking about faith issues, and she is quite receptive.
In retrospect I guess I should have added the word “practicing” in the poll, but I guess you live and learn.

That would change everything no doubt.

My complaint is about women who claim to believe in these things, but don’t even make an attempt to practice what they preach.

I pray that one day I can meet a practicing Catholic or Protestant women that I can court.

[quote=Tanais]I must say on this point I disagree with you. I have dated a non-catholic before and now I am dating a catholic and I can see a major difference. the non-catholic had a laxed sense of morality and tempted me to lax my own, whereas I trust the Catholic not to do that, she is strong in her faith and has inspired my own. Furthermore, with the non-catholic, she was hostile to my strong religiousity. With my girlfriend now I enjoy going to Mass and talking about faith issues, and she is quite receptive.
In retrospect I guess I should have added the word “practicing” in the poll, but I guess you live and learn.
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YUP. I would ONLY date a CATHOLIC and a PRACTICING one at that, not just one by name. Most other women will just make fun of one’s morality, and religious stance, or see you as “boring” old fashioned, etc. Mine has to go to SUNDAY mass , pray daily, love Our Blessed Mother, and yes!!! FAITHFUL TO THE MAGISTERIUM.

While I would enjoy dating any female, I would only marry a Roman Catholic woman.

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