This is not something that will be solved through an online forum, I know, but I would really appreciate sincere, thoughtful input. I’m not asking this to start a fight. And I’m not asking it ironically.
I often feel like I’m playing tug of war, where one side is Faith/Catholicism and the other side is being gay/SSA – and I’m the rope being pulled both ways, back and forth.
I understand that because of Original Sin, we are without the special gift of integrity and therefore our passions, intellect, will, etc. all compete with each other for different goods. So mortification (right word?) is required to get everything in line – with God’s grace. But when it comes to this issue, I’m genuinely perplexed. Not only emotionally but intellectually. Adam’s Fall made sin easier to commit. I understand that. But if gay relationships and acts are sinful, then why does anyone even have the homosexual orientation (inclination, whatever you want to call it). Why do people exist who are emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to people of the same sex? This is an enduring state or “temptation” – something inherent in the person, not just a fleeting occasion of sin.
Original sin was not Pandora’s box in the sense that a bunch of bad things (like homosexuality) came gushing out of the Fall, as a positive punishment inflicted by God. The Fall led to an absense of grace and friendship with God and the corresponding gift of integrity. So how is homosexuality thanks to the Fall? Or is it not? Why am I attracted to guys? What’s the purpose here, if it’s sinful?
I guess my confusion and curiousity comes down to (1) if homosexuality is a consistent, disordered state or inclination to sin, why does anyone have this? (2) How is anyone homosexual, if it is against God’s design/is sinful? If it must be the result of the Fall and Original Sin, how did that work?