I got married at the end of October 2010, it was the most amazing day of my life. We'd received quite a lot of marriage prep with our fabulous monsignor. My husband to be knew the importance of marriage in a spiritual context. If you ask my husband the best day of this life he will quite happily say his wedding day.
I'd previously been married, so I know not everything is a fairytale, but I really though this was going to be different. Then in January 2011 problems arose, it was something really trivial but it made my husband turn around and say he didn't know if he wanted us to be together no more, that was less than 3 months after marriage.
He'd decided that the best way to cure his depression was to stop taken his medication, I'd done a lot of research, went to the pharmacist, who all said 'no no no, don't stop the medication you'll make yourself really ill!' But he went ahead anyway.
After stopping his medication his moods went down, I tried to help as much as I could but it really did appear like nothing I could do would help. I am quite seriously ill, I knew the fact that I was rather unwell and the fact that I couldn't have children got to him. But I thought with him being aware of my disability and infertility before marriage it would be something we would work out together.
We trundled through to May time, his behaviour was starting to become erratic and worrying, a few unhelpful friends joked that if he was ever to take himself down he'd probably take me with him. A couple of weeks before we got married I had to make a desperate 999 call whilst restraining my husband who was looking to flee with a load of tablets.
So its been like 6 weeks since we split when we meet up he is totally charming, puts his arm around me, kisses my forehead whilst holding me close. If people didn't know we had split you really wouldn't think it. To be fair before I've been meeting him I've been putting extra effort into my appearance. On these occasions, one thing has led into another, and we've ended up having sex. Up till we do he is very romantic and loving, putting his arm around me, telling me he loves me. But then afterwards he's straight to the point and tells me that I can't think that we'll ever get back together again. It was sex and just that.
I don't understand how the man can love me, want to have a sexual relationship with me, but be totally put off from living with me. To be fair he's quit work (back at the beginning of 2010) to return to University. I know that he gets a lot of attention from girls, I know that he's recently been chatting up a few, I guess to see if he can score any luck elsewhere. He's now living with his parents who treat him like a child, he has everything done from him through to cooking and washing etc. He just sees it as an easy life again without the responsibilities of being a husband.
I just feel really hurt, I thought I would be married for life, I dreamt of us growing old together, now due to his mental health issues its all been tore apart. But I've said I will stand by him no matter what, he's said he wants to continue with his life without me in it.
I guess I should speak to my priest about all of this, I wondered if anyone here had any words of wisdom.