Hope I'm posting this in the right section. I found this forum and thought it would be a good place to post and ask for input on my situation.
I am 31 years old, and it seems no matter how hard I try, I just can not find a companion. I have nver been in any kind of serious relationship. I dated one girl for about a month back in 2000, and that is the only time I have ever been involved with someone.
All my life since I was a little boy, I dreamed of meeting someone and getting married, and having a family. I would have never guessed that I would still be waiting for this to happen at 31 years old.
Here is the thing, I am different from the rest of the majority of the people out there. I don't drink, I'm not into partying, doing drugs, sleeping around, or any of that kind of stuff. I never was. When I went off to college, all of my class mates tried getting me into that life style and it just was not me. I never had a drink of beer until my 21st birthday, and I take pride in that, and I never went out sleeping around just to "have fun."
I have stayed a virgin to this day for many reasons, and I took pride in that. I wanted to wait until I found that special someone who would appriciate it. I had the hopes that when I did meet someone, SHE would also be a virgin, and my first time would also be her first time. But the older I get, the more I lose hope because the chances of me finding someone else my age who is also a virgin are very slim.
It makes me sad, because I did what I felt was the right thing and waited. But what did I get for it? I thought I would eventually have kids some day and honestly be able to tell them that I never went out partying, doing drugs, and sleeping around. But in all honesty, if I'd have known that it would get to this point, I would have gone out and had fun and been just like the rest of them. I feel that I have been a good person all my life and it has gotten me nowhere.
And it makes me mad, because if I were to meet that special someone, I would do anything and everything to make sure she was very well taken care of. I would make her feel loved and appriciated. I would never cheat or treat her like garbage like I see so many others out there doing to their partners.
Why is it THOSE kind of people have all ended up in relationships, while I am still waiting?
All of my cousins who are younger than me are all married and starting their families. Everyone I knew growing up, that I went to school with or played with on my street are all married. Even kids I knew that were 5 and 6 years old when I was 13 and 14, I am reading about in the paper that they are getting married.
Am I destined to be single forever? And if so, why did God choose ME to be a person who was never meant to have a partner, instead of someone who was ok with it?
My brother in law has a friend who is in his 40's who has never been married or in a serious relationship, and he is ok with it. I myself, am not ok with it, and to be honest, I don't even want to live to be that age if I don't have a companion.
It is very hard to see all of my friends and family all getting married and starting their families while I have basically just been put up on a shelf and forgotten about. It is especially hard considering my family never exactly was very accepting of me from the time I was very young, and all my life I've had trouble making true friends. It really just makes me feel downright worthless and I wonder why God put me here at all.
I have honestly thought about suicide, but the only reason I don't do it is because I know it will send me straight to hell if I do it. But the older I get and the more trouble I have finding a companion and realizing that it just might never happen just really makes it hard to go on. it's very depressing, and also very saddening considering I have a lot of good qualities and a lot of love to give, but no one wants to see me for that.
Everyone tells me I need to get out more and it will increase my chance of meeting someone. (I am a home body most of the time besides going to work, ETC.) But I personally don't believe that it will help. And the reason I don't think it will, is because most people meet their partner just living their normal course of life. For example, they just so happened to be at this party where this person they met happened to be, or it was a friend's friend, stuff like that.
Why can't I meet someone just living my normal life? Like, say, a cashier at a store, a customer at work, ETC? I worked at a casino a few years back where 5,000 other people worked.....why didn't I meet someone there? On the weekends (for fun) I am a mobile DJ who plays at weddings, campgrounds, and all kinds of other public events - why by now haven't I met someone at one of these parties? A friend of mine is actually a seasonal camper at one of the campgrounds I regularly DJ at and I have stayed there many weekends, and I do go out with guys on occasion, but whenever we go out, I meet no one.
I know for a fact that I'm not the only person out there that's in my situation. Buy why can't I meet somoene like that? Someone who is honest, open, down to earth and genuinely a nice person who also wants to get married?
I will just never understand it. Everyone tellme me not to give up, it will happen some day, etc....but I don't understand why "it" didn't happen years ago like it does for everyone else?
On the positive side.......many people I know have been divorced after being married after only a few years, and I don't want that. My parents have been married for more than 40 years, and that's what I want to happen to me.
I just don't understand what is wrong.
Any input is appriciated. Sorry for such a long post.