Why become a Catholic?


Cross Posted from “Family Life”

Hey there!

Please let me preface this post by saying that currently I am an investigator in the Catholic Church, due to start RCIA on Sept 23. I am engaged to a wonderful, non-christian man (I know you may think it’s an oxymoron…), due to be married on Oct 2nd of this year. These are honest questions, and I’m not trying to incite a riot grins, but I fully understand that this can be a terribly uncomfortable topic for some people. I do apologize in advance if I cause anyone to be uncomfortable or what not.


As I mentioned above, I’m a newbie to Catholicism…and most of the things I am reading and learning about are fine and I can honestly say that I’m open to the teachings of the Catholic Church. However, there are some questions and issues being raised for me in regards to sex.

Sexuality and physical intimacy have always been a huge part of my identity. I have always identified as a bisexual, polyamorous woman and have been involved with multiple people at once. Currently, my spice and I are only with each other, but there have been times during our 3 years together, when we have also dated/“KNOWN” others. We also enjoy some rather unique bedroom activities (roleplay, BDSM, crossdressing, etc). In addition, Spice and I are not sure that we want to be parents. (Do cats count??)

My concern is that should I decide to continue with the RCIA process beyond the inquiry period, that I will be “Strongly Encouraged” to abandon our play. I realize that the Church preaches monogamy, and I’m wondering - does the Church have any teachings about kinky sex? I’m sorry, I’m not sure of any other way to phrase it…:frowning: Are there any groups out there that are tailored to Catholics who like to “Play?”

I really feel that this is the only thing holding me back from embracing the church…grrr…

I welcome any dialogue on this topic, and please feel free to message me privately!!




Dear Jessica,

You may wonder why I changed the title of this post when your question seems to be explicitly about sex. I changed it because your question is actually about faith. You pose your question in the style of mirth and humor. I answer it as deadly serious.

I say deadly because God has shown us in the Person of Jesus Christ, that His love for us is stronger than death. For Jesus love is measured by sacrifice rather than words or good feelings. This is not to deny the good of some words or the good of some feelings. Everything has its place and it is God as the author of everything who alone has the right to determine what that place might be.

Since God is our author and designer, everything about us speaks of Him. Everything about us is evidence of His initiative. We are actually more about Him than we are about ourselves. The one exception to this is sin. We do not resemble Him in our acts of rebellion against Him. It is because of our sins that He became incarnate and suffered extreme torture and death on a cross on a Friday long ago. That day is the center of all history. For Catholics it is the center of our lives. That the infinite God would choose to actually suffer in such a way on our behalf is beyond our ability to fully comprehend.

To be a Catholic is to make subject to that reality—every aspect of our lives. This means that we place loyalty and submission to our crucified God far above fun and self absorption. Life for us is not one continual joke or search for new and ever more exciting forms of self indulgence. We know that there is a peace and joy to human existence that only living a life centered on Christ can bring. It is not easy, but nothing of great value ever is.

Should you decide to continue in the RCIA process, your forms of “play” will not be strongly discouraged, they will be prohibited. Further, the Catholic Church considers openness to the procreation of children an essential element of marriage.

This may sound to you that I am hostile to you and am trying to discourage you from becoming a Catholic. Nothing could be further from the truth. But Jesus did say: “If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Luke 8: 34) He also stated that He has come that we might have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). As our source of life, He alone knows what abundant life really is and how it is found. What the Catholic Church is offering you is the opportunity to soar higher than the limited results that self indulgence can bring you. You know how such efforts require further and further experiment because what excites the physical appetites numbs so easily and quickly. Only God can truly satisfy us because He created us for Himself.

I strongly encourage you to obtain the book, “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It can be ordered through “catholic.com” or by phone: 888 291 8000.
You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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