Why can't i forget my ex-boyfriend who is now in the seminary?!


#1

Hello everyone!
Two and a half years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I met at church! At first we didn’t get along well but after a couple of months that we were put to work together, we started a great friendship that later became a beautiful relationship. Before this relationship started he told me he thought God was calling him to be a priest! But i guess he never really payed attention to it! We were together for 1 yr and a half during which he had broken up with me 2 or 3 times because he felt he was being called, but we would always go back together! Last year at my high school graduation party he told me he was leaving for the seminary. This time i was tired of the same issue causing this effect on him over and over. So i decided this time was it. Next day he called me and i did not answer. A year passed in which i saw him many times and none of us talked to each other (Even though I was dying to do it). I FEEL I STILL LOVE HIM, I miss him with all my heart:confused:
A week ago i was told he was leaving the country!!! That struck me real hard! Even though a long time passed, I realized I still have a strong feeling for him,
Yesterday i was called by the pastor of my church to coordinate the music ministry (btw that’s what i do) at a spiritual retreat in which i was also told he is going to be speaking! I am really worried about my reaction when i see him, since now i know it will be the last time! I guess deep within me i still had hope that he would come back! I need some advice on wether to go or not!. Please brothers and sisters pray for me because i really need it.
God bless


#2

I don’t know if my answer to your question is correct, but I hope that I can help you find out why you feel emotionally attached to him. Within your relationship to this man, did you ever engage in lustful activities or any sexual sin? If yes, the most probable reason why you have such an unhealthy attachment to him is because of previous sin. I don’t know if this is correct, but past sin might be the source of this consequence that you are suffering. Maybe I am wrong, but I hope that I can help. Pray the Rosary; it will help so much.


#3

Well, I'm lousy at this sort of thing, but I'm going to give this one a shot anyway!

If you truely love him, then you should put his needs ahead of yours. Pray for him and whats best for him.

I know it's hard, to say the least! There really aren't any words that can provide comfort.

I remember my "first true love"! The last time I was able to talk to her it was only by phone. That's when she told me she was getting married. :eek: I managed to wish her well and told to be sure and tell the guy how lucky he is. The rest of the day was a bit rough. Actually, more than that day was a bit rough!

Anyway, I'll still say a prayer for her, wish her well and hope she is happy, to this day.

As for advice on whether or not to go to the retreat, that's something you will have to decide. All can say is if I had the chance to see her tomorrow, I would. But then, there is a bit longer "time factor" separation today in my case than yours. I don't know if that makes a difference or not. However, I've felt the same way since "the phone call". :)

I sure hope somebody can give you some good advice here! :crossrc:


#4

I would go and apologize.

Last year at my high school graduation party he told me he was leaving for the seminary. This time i was tired of the same issue causing this effect on him over and over. So i decided this time was it. Next day he called me and i did not answer.

He wasn't playing a game. You may find that he counts you among those who steered him to where God wanted him. I think you will find that you can be friends afterwards.


#5

Pray that he is successful as a priest and that he is able to bring many many souls to God.

As another poster wrote, you were instrumental in some way in helping him decide. You should feel a certain amount of satisfaction with that. Basically, you were part of the "talent scout" team. We need more men to dedicate themselves to become priests.

Pray for his success every day.


#6

I guess because, as you said, you still have deep feelings for him. Even if you didn't go further in the relationship than Catholic teaching allows as a post higher up speculated (although especially then), it is entirely possible to develop very strong feelings that are hard to get over.

Although that poster is surely right about an emotional and physical relationship making it harder to let go of someone, it is still entirely possible to find it hard to let go anyway (or indeed to have stronger feelings for someone you've never kissen than some people have with those they've been very intimate with).

I semi-dated a girl in Germany for a few months who moved back to Warsaw and developed quite a crush on her (in fact she is how I found this site, googling something related to her Catholicism), and I was crushed when she moved back (and more when I visited her and confirmed we were just staying friends),and our relationship was almost entirely emotional and intellectual: our first kiss was when she left, and before that I had only put my arm round her a few times.

But I still felt like I was in love with her. I dread what I would have felt, and the selfish thoughts I would have had, if she had joined a convent rather than just moving and leaving a tiny bit of hope that we may meet again in the future.

You'll get over it in time, and you should try and be happy for him, since--I know this is easier to say--if you truly love someone you should want them be happy even away from you (e.g. in the priesthood) or with someone else. :( Try to think of the good he'll be doing for the community as a priest.

I think about this girl less now, but I guess your relationship lasted far longer.

My thoughts are with you.


#7

[quote="lerypalcast, post:1, topic:200065"]
Hello everyone!
Two and a half years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I met at church! At first we didn't get along well but after a couple of months that we were put to work together, we started a great friendship that later became a beautiful relationship. Before this relationship started he told me he thought God was calling him to be a priest! But i guess he never really payed attention to it! We were together for 1 yr and a half during which he had broken up with me 2 or 3 times because he felt he was being called, but we would always go back together! Last year at my high school graduation party he told me he was leaving for the seminary. This time i was tired of the same issue causing this effect on him over and over. So i decided this time was it. Next day he called me and i did not answer. A year passed in which i saw him many times and none of us talked to each other (Even though I was dying to do it). I FEEL I STILL LOVE HIM, I miss him with all my heart:confused:
A week ago i was told he was leaving the country!!! That struck me real hard! Even though a long time passed, I realized I still have a strong feeling for him,

Yesterday i was called by the pastor of my church to coordinate the music ministry (btw that's what i do) at a spiritual retreat in which i was also told he is going to be speaking! I am really worried about my reaction when i see him, since now i know it will be the last time! I guess deep within me i still had hope that he would come back! I need some advice on wether to go or not!. Please brothers and sisters pray for me because i really need it.
God bless

[/quote]

Lerypalcast:

The first thing I would do is to tell your Pastor what you've told us & a LOT more (I'm sure you had to leave a lot unsaid) - Make an appointment to talk to him, because this will at least 20 min., and may take as long as an hour to an hour to talk everything out, depending on how entangled you are with this seminarian. Your Pastor needs to know anything that might effect how you're going to behave during the retreat, or anything that might have an effect on your emotional, mental or spiritual state, or on his emotional, mental & spiritual State. Because of that, He also may need to talk to the seminarian separately - I know I would based on what you've said here and what I believe you'd say during our talk...

The second thing I would do is to Examine how this obsession with this Seminarian has effected you, your love of God and your love of neighbor, look into how it has effected your devotion to God, how it has effected your prayer life and what and who you pray for... Then ask your Pastor if he can hear your Confession, and honestly offer it, including whatever parts of this relationship you might have forgotten when your offered your Confession before. I would esp. do this if the only time you went to Confession was during Lent (The "Annual Obligation")...

Music for the retreat is important, but the state of your soul is much more important. That's why I'm going to say the following....

It's our nature to want what we cannot have - When I was much younger, I actually destroyed a relationship with "Robinson's May 5'-4" & Under Club" Model pursuing an "unavailable woman". I still remember these "Intelligent" Catholic Women going to bed with men from a nearby Seminary while I was in College. These men were studying for the Sacred Priesthood, and these women were still throwing themselves at them, and they were still having sex...

It was absolutely insane, because the only thing that could happen was that the women (and the men) got incredibly hurt, or worse. and, I knew almost all of the "Players", and saw much of the injury... You pretty much have the same type of situation on your hands, and here's why...

You've set this seminarian up as a False God, "A God Before me" as is described in the 10 Commandments in the Book of Exodus. I want you to listen to this song from Keith Green and ask yourself if you can give this man to heaven... The last song was sung by some people I once lived in Community with...
Keith Green - I Pledge my Head to Heaven
youtube.com/user/xxAnne#p/search/0/rsTgRV_GrOQ
First Love - Stryper (By His Stripes we are are healed)
youtube.com/watch?v=AscrZI5sc4s&feature=related
Servant - Light Maneuvers - I Surrender
youtube.com/watch?v=F0s2ybzP6QM

You need to Surrender ALL to Jesus - I think the Lord is using this to "Tap you on the Shoulder"...

With that in mind, I think it is vital that you schedule that appointment with your Pastor and that you do the Examination & offer your Confession ASAP (Yesterday would be great, but today will be fine...). We all need to Surrender OUR lives the Lord - We all need to make a commitment to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our strength and with all our mind, and our neighbor as ourselves. In your case, when you've done that, you'll be able to have a much more balanced relationship with this seminarian, and these pangs you're feeling now won't hurt so much... You'll have other problems, but they'll be different.

Pray this with Keith Green - Make my Life a Prayer to You
youtube.com/user/xxAnne#p/search/21/13NJNd3L8Rk
Petra - Love - Album Beyond Belief - * Original Video *
youtube.com/watch?v=1RIjZlVHlyw
Your Brother & Servant in Christ, Michael


#8

[quote="lerypalcast, post:1, topic:200065"]
Hello everyone!

Yesterday i was called by the pastor of my church to coordinate the music ministry (btw that's what i do) at a spiritual retreat in which i was also told he is going to be speaking! I am really worried about my reaction when i see him, since now i know it will be the last time! I guess deep within me i still had hope that he would come back! I need some advice on wether to go or not!. Please brothers and sisters pray for me because i really need it.
God bless

[/quote]

Don't go, you should have been over this a long time ago. It's over. He's God's, not yours. You shouldnt've given so much of your heart to someone before marriage in the first place.

That mistake is what is driving this. If you cause him to be tempted away from His vocation that'll cause a lot of trouble for the both of you, forever!

He's God's, not yours! Stay out of it! He needs to work things out with God without any distractions.

Just inform your pastor you're bowing out.


#9

#10

Thank you so much brothers and sisters for taking the time to advice me on this issue! I really appreciate it. Undoubtedly your advices are of tremendous help to me. I will certainly speak to my pastor about this as one advice suggested because I do believe that he needs to be aware of my emotional, mental, and spiritual state so that this retreat ends up being successful. Indeed that’s what matter the most -to bring souls to the loving presence of the Lord.
After reading all the advices, i do feel different about all this. I think God is giving me strength through this thread to face this and move on :thumbsup: ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH:D

Oh and btw i will have to start saying the St. Anne prayer!..hahaha.


#11

[quote="lerypalcast, post:10, topic:200065"]
Thank you so much brothers and sisters for taking the time to advice me on this issue! I really appreciate it. Undoubtedly your advices are of tremendous help to me. I will certainly speak to my pastor about this as one advice suggested because I do believe that he needs to be aware of my emotional, mental, and spiritual state so that this retreat ends up being successful. Indeed that's what matter the most -to bring souls to the loving presence of the Lord.
After reading all the advices, i do feel different about all this. I think God is giving me strength through this thread to face this and move on :thumbsup: ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH:D

Oh and btw i will have to start saying the St. Anne prayer!..hahaha.

[/quote]

Given your young age, I would also be researching what real mature love is, in a relationship is in the first place. We as a society tend to push the boundries far, far forward, leaping into areas before the relationship has developed and getting physical, when it should remain in the courting stage. To put it bluntly, we don't court any more, so often love is mistaken for this fuzzy feeling, when that is not what it's about at all.

You mention how he needs to be thinking of your emotional needs already, that's right off the bat a selfish perspective, he already knows how you feel, do you understand what he must have been going through, to obey God with the calling and having to sacrifice his relationship with you in the process? Most get called and do not have to give up something like that, your presence there is only going to remind him of that, you shouldn't attend for his sake, not your own, this is par for the course with putting others needs ahead of your own.


#12

[quote="prodigalson12, post:11, topic:200065"]

You mention how he needs to be thinking of your emotional needs already, that's right off the bat a selfish perspective, he already knows how you feel, do you understand what he must have been going through, to obey God with the calling and having to sacrifice his relationship with you in the process? Most get called and do not have to give up something like that, your presence there is only going to remind him of that, you shouldn't attend for his sake, not your own, this is par for the course with putting others needs ahead of your own.

[/quote]

For the sake of clarification, when i said "I do believe that he needs to be aware of my emotional, mental, and spiritual state" I was referring to the pastor of the church! ANd i said this because as "Traditional Ang" said It is important that our pastor is informed about this issue as it could interfere with the experience that the people in the retreat will have.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!! their very appreciated.:thumbsup:
Blessings!.


#13

No one like St. Anne! Wonderful saint! :smiley:


#14

Hey everybody! This is me again!!! Just wanted to let u guys know that i'm better now! So i went to the retreat and evrytime i felt weak about this, i went and pray to the blessed sacrament! It was a diff. Experience. I was very disapointed on the way he acted towards me. Basically ignored me ( to the point where he shook hands with the person to my right, and left, and totally skipped me! But oh well..
So he left to mexico to be in the seminary. While i met this other guy at church. He is a catholic musician ( a really good one) he became part of the choir i lead and we became really good friends and slowly became more than friends!! We've been together for a year and a half now and i love him, we have soooo much in common, (eg. Music and serving God since we were 7) :P. As i look back, i thank God for everything that happened because my short term suffering was my long term happiness!....
As for the guy that left for priesthood, in mexico, he got out of the Seminary because he fell in love with a girl! They're getting married this upcoming september!!!.. :)
Oh how things change! But really thank you all for taking the time to advice me when i really needed it!
God bless you all!!!!!

@KAROLECK the prayer to St. Anne worked haha


#15

[quote="lerypalcast, post:14, topic:200065"]
Hey everybody! This is me again!!! Just wanted to let u guys know that i'm better now! So i went to the retreat and evrytime i felt weak about this, i went and pray to the blessed sacrament! It was a diff. Experience. I was very disapointed on the way he acted towards me. Basically ignored me ( to the point where he shook hands with the person to my right, and left, and totally skipped me! But oh well..
So he left to mexico to be in the seminary. While i met this other guy at church. He is a catholic musician ( a really good one) he became part of the choir i lead and we became really good friends and slowly became more than friends!! We've been together for a year and a half now and i love him, we have soooo much in common, (eg. Music and serving God since we were 7) :P. As i look back, i thank God for everything that happened because my short term suffering was my long term happiness!....
As for the guy that left for priesthood, in mexico, he got out of the Seminary because he fell in love with a girl! They're getting married this upcoming september!!!.. :)
Oh how things change! But really thank you all for taking the time to advice me when i really needed it!
God bless you all!!!!!

@KAROLECK the prayer to St. Anne worked haha

[/quote]

:thumbsup: I just love a story with a good ending!!:flowers:

Gee,that was nice of you to post this information;which to me seemed long ago! As St.Paul told us "that everything turns out to the greater good,for those that love God"(my loose translation!) St.Anne,thank you for answering our prayers.


closed #16

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