[quote="Serap, post:1, topic:205170"]
Hear me out for a second. There have been so many threads on CAF started purely to minimize or point out bad behaviour of other people. I know that sometimes, people like to vent, but I can't help, but think that a lot of well meaning Catholics tend to come across as being very superior.
Examples of topics where I see this all the time:
NFP vs. ABC threads
Bringing children to mass threads
Marital problems threads (telling them to split up all the time)
Honestly, if I were not Catholic and I came on CAF, it would really put me off the idea of ever being Catholic. There's no love coming from many posters on CAF.
How are we supposed to bring families and friends to the Catholic church if we are always condemning and frowning upon others telling them they are in mortal sin and giving this "holier than thou" attitude.
I really dislike it and it's so unattractive. We as Catholics are supposed to be spreading love, compassion, empathy and grace. What happened?
It's true that some people are not very 'loving'. . .
But it's also true that if a person is in mortal sin (and while we don't judge, we can certainly say if an action is objectively a mortal sin, without being judgmental. . .after all, why have the 10 commandments if we can't then say, "stealing is sinful!", right?), it would be a very 'unloving' thing to say to that person, "meh, do as you please!"
Have you noticed that the people who most often (not always of course) complain of people being 'holier than thou' are usually people who want to do something wrong?
And what happens then is that all the emotional 'stops' are brought out, and a huge argument breaks out, and then you get people getting frustrated and hurt on both sides of the issue.
And THEN you get people who come into the discussion part way and see all the 'worst' kinds of 'fire and brimstone' (or hear accusations from people that this is how they have been 'treated'). . .and these people, being kind, normal, loving Catholics are appalled that other Catholics (according to either what they themselves have read on a few threads by a few posters, or by those whom they love or know saying that this is how they have been treated by Catholics) have acted in such a wrong way. . .
And they quite correctly bring up that we should not be 'acting badly'.
But. . .is it really that 'so many' Catholics 'act superior. . .
Or are there also many situations where a lot of people simply assume that anybody who is trying to tell them what they do not want to hear is ONLY doing so because that person 'is feeling morally superior, judgmental, mean-spirited, etc?
If a person wants to do something, even if you approached them with the sweetest of words, the most gentle and loving demeanor in the world, but what you said wasn't what they wanted to hear, I think that they would 'hear' your words as sour, and perceive your demeanor as nasty, superior and self-righteous.
The person in an adulterous relationship is not to be 'condemned' as a bad person, surely. But in order to get 'clean' with God, the person must leave the relationship or cease the 'action'. . .and there is no other way. We can't say, "well, provided you really LOVE the guy/girl, you can keep on, God will understand."
That's what they WANT to hear. That is the 'loving' answer that they seek, and the ONLY loving answer they seek, but it is absolutely, totally wrong, and it is not really loving, because remaining in that wrong sinful relationship without repenting could put the person in hell for eternity. It might 'hurt' to hear that one needs to stop doing something which one truly 'loves', but stopping it can lead to ETERNAL LIFE with Christ. . .something far more important. And helping people to such a life is more important to me than whether they think that I 'appear' to them as 'loving.
Just my thoughts.