Why do the " Bad Boys" get so many women?

You know what I mean.:yup:

The jerks, bullies, rowdy, smooth talkin’ ones never want for women hanging all over them.:love:

While the nice guys are sitting there thinking “what the heck, I thought girls wanted nice guys.” :doh2:

C’mon guys, let em hear it, vent a little.:sad_yes:

C’mon girls, why do you go for them?:hmmm:

Peter, do you think the bad boys are getting nice girls? I am not so sure. And if they are, I don’t think it lasts.

If you are a nice guy, you will meet a nice girl one day. She’s out there now waiting for you to come find her and talk to her. Perhaps you have passed her on the street or in church a hundred times, but you never looked at her or noticed her because you were too busy looking for the girls that are off with the bad boys. And you haven’t realized they aren’t the girls you want anyway.

It’s partially because of their confidence and boldness, however fake or misplaced it may be. The take-charge kind of attitude is attractive. Also, many of these guys know exactly what a woman wants to hear and will tell her. It takes some of us longer than others to wise up to their act, especially when we’ve already fallen for them. :blush:

Most women I know have at least one “bad boy” involved in their past in some way, whether it was serious involvement or just a pattern of being attracted to them. So, look for the girls who have already realized that they don’t want that. They are out there. And when you find one, take on the confidence of a “bad boy” without being a jerk.

Tell you why.
Girls are more conservative and have got more good behavior.
So, they are attracted to the opposite: the bad boys.

This. Women swoon for “bad boys” but typically don’t settle down with them. That doesn’t keep them from hanging on to those relationships and trying to change them though, nor does it mean that women will stop being attracted to certain behaviors even if they’ve settled down with a nice guy.

Just as we men have a tendency to have our tongues hang out of our mouths when a very attractive and not modestly dressed woman walks by, so do women have a tendency to swoon for a guy who is bold and assertive even if he is also a jerk.

So follow Pink Lemonade’s advice. Be assertive. Be confident. Be bold. Be the genuine article. The ideal guy for the vast majority of women is a bold, take-charge guy who also still listens to female advice and puts her concerns top of mind. You just have to make sure that when you’re putting her concerns first, you’re not acting like a doormat.

A lot of women these days are lacking good sense and maturity to know the difference between a good man and a bully. To be fair, this malady also afflicts a lot of men. Hence, chaos ensues along with much whining on both sides.
And yes, I am a victim of this problem thus I decided to be belligerent.

Women are attracted to confidence (and masculinity) like other posters have said. It doesn’t matter if you are a jerk or not–but I think guys notice it more when the other guy is confident and also a jerk. In other words, I don’t think it stands out as much when a confident, nice man attracts women.

I also think the lines get blurred and some women confuse arrogance with confidence (and vice versa).

I also have this personal pet theory (if you will) that a lot of men mainly notice when the really good looking women are “hanging on” men who are jerks. They don’t notice the quite, nice girls around them. I know a lot of nice girls who don’t give jerks the time of day–and are often overlooked themselves (as plain janes/unexciting, etc).

Ah, the eternal question of the nice guy. :wink:

I’ll never forget back in high school when this one girl (whose boyfriend was in and out of juveneille detention centers) told me “I wish my boyfriend were more like you.” To which I thought “Then dump him and date me! I’m more like me than any other guy!” Of course, I said nothing. Which I think illustrates the problem.

I think that pink lemonade is right that women are attracted to confidence. Mix in a little Florence Nightingale type Syndrome, and voila!

It got better for me once I started hanging around good Catholic girls. Eventually I got one to marry me. :stuck_out_tongue:

You sir, are one fortunate man.
I’ve seen worse, hence my above post.
Also, good Catholic girls (especially those who object to gay pornography in anime) are not easy to find here in the Far East!

Oh yeah, that’s gonna get you far. :rolleyes:

Back then, I didn’t really know what to do. Either I become a sell out and become a jerk, sell out and be an effeminate man, or fight. Those were my choices.

Bingo. Be the guy that says what you’re thinking when women ask you why she can’t date a nice guy. Because that show of confidence will break through the haze and rattle a girl a bit, but in a good way. She already knows the genuine, decent human being in there. She also needs to find out that such a man can be exciting and strong.

I was single until I was 61. My opinion of me is that I was a good guy. I was turned own for dates very often and I once figured that on exactly half of the dates I had I ended up being stood up. Sometimes I went years without even trying to get a date.

One thing that I , and other men noticed, was that women often did go for the bad guys. And I observed this even in Christian singles groups. We often thought that women went for the bad ones so that they could change them. Never saw the logic of dating Fred in order to change him into a guy like Bob when they wouldn’t give Bob the time of day.

And girls, if you date really lousy guys first how do you think the good guys feel when they are your fifth choice after you went through the scumbags? For those guys with strong moral, family beliefs you are not looking all that promising.

As a woman, I had/ have little respect for women who go after the ‘bad guys’. (even when I was in high school and college)

I blame it on the lack of cave bears.

Badboy caveman- “I’m going to go hang out in the forbidden cave.”
Goodboy caveman- “The elders told us not to go there.”
Badboy caveman- “Elders? Pfft. They’re just trying to hold us down. No one can tell me what to do.”
Badboy caveman goes off to the cave.
Cavegirl- “He’s so cool!”
Screams coming from cave.
Goodboy caveman- “He’ll be cold in a few hours. Or at least the little pieces left of him will be.”

Cavegirl looks a goodboy caveman- “So, want to go hang out?”

Women like you are becoming very rare here in the Far East. I swear, I’ve seen many young women go for either effeminate men or total badboys. Those who go for the latter do not want men, they want boys.

I always wanted to date a nice guy, but none of the nice guys I knew ever gave me the time of day. Then I met this really nice man who was polite and chivalrous who asked me out! About 2 weeks later I learned he wasn’t a nice guy at all! He was controlling and would insult me and just generally be a jerk. I tried to break up with him but he got really sad and promised to change. I thought everyone deserves a second chance, so I stayed with him and you know what? He didn’t change. I repeated the pattern of trying to break up and him promising to change for about a 2 months before I wised up and left for good. I never wanted to be in a relationship like that but once I was in it, I felt guilty if I tried to leave, especially because the guy would tell me I was the only reason he had in the world for trying to be good and if I left he’d never be able to change himself.

Thankfully after dating this guy I knew what signs to watch for in other men who might be like this. I’m now engaged to a very nice guy. My intial attraction to my FH had a lot to do with his confidence! I tell him from time to time that I was really impressed with how confident he was in himself when we first met and he tells me “I was very nervous inside but I had nothing to loose and everything to gain.”

They seem exciting from the distance, especially to good girls who are feeling that they lead boring lives. Some rebel against overly strict parents in this way; and some want to mother them, love them and make them into good boys (which doesn’t usually work, by the way).

I’ve heard regarding women that “It’s better to have a Cadillac in the garage than to have a Yugo on the street!”

The answer is female lust. Don’t ask me how my husband found this book, but it is called “A billion wicked thoughts: what the world’s largest experiment reveals about human desire.”

Women’s sexual urges are different than men, thus we lust differently. “Whereas men are more aroused by visual cues, women are more aroused by psychological cues. … The romance novel has long been described as “pornography for women.” This is a somewhat unfair and misleading comparison. After all, would we characterize gang bang porn as “romance for men”? However, the comparison is apt in one respect. …] Porn reveals the sexual cues that activate male desire. Similarily, romance reveals the sexual cues that activate female desire.”

As a man will look to over-the-top physical features in a woman he might view, a woman has her own psychological cues. It often gives false expectations and tempts the individuals toward fantasy and away from reality.

The first thing women are attracted to is “Alphas.” "All of the hero professions [in romance novels] associated with status, confidence and competence. … Study after study has demonstrated the erotic appeal of male dominance. women prefer the voices of dominant men, the scent of dominant ment, the movement and gait of dominant men, the facial features of dominant men. … Though women like alpha heros, in contemporary novels there are some lines that a hero can never cross, such as excessive physical violence against women or extreem psychological abuse. But in romances written in the 70’s and 80’s, the hero was often cruel – or worse. In the Flame and the Flower, the hero actually rapes the virgin heroine in the opening scene – later excusing his behavior by saying he presumed she was a whore. In Catherine Coulter’s 1982 novel Devil’s Embrace, the 34 year old Earl of Clare kidnaps the 18 year old Cassie Brougham just before her wedding to a nice young man, ties her down and painfully rapes her; later she falls in love with him.

… It turns out that killing people is an effective way to elicit attention of many women: virtually every serial killer, including Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and David Berkowitz, have received loved letters from large numbers of female fans. …But readers of romance are quick to point out that they certainly don’t want their heroes to be rapists and murderers. They’re willing to tolerate a little misogyny and jerkdom in their heroes at the beginning of the story, as long as they don’t stay that way after they meet the heroine. In fact, being an alpha is only half of the full hero package. To pass her scrutiny, the hero must find his inner goo.

…when it comes to women’s preferences, they don’t just want a nice guy – they want an alpha who learns to be nice to her. In other words, the women want their romance heroes to to be like coconuts: hard and tough on the outside, but soft and sweet on the inside. But the heroes secret sweet interior can’t be available to just anyone. … The process of the hero getting in touch with his tender side is one of the greatest pleasures of the romance. Scenes where the alpha male expresses his feelings are always described in rich detail. In the same way that women often find the breathless gasping and moaning of female porn starts to be absurdly inauthentic, male readers of romances might find the emotional confessions of romance heroes to be strangely unfamiliar."

There is then the woman’s desire for emotional sincerity. Much of the novels deal with determining “if he is truly kind and understanding or whether his emotional expressions are insincere. …[the desire] to elicit latent tenderness of a man is as powerful as powerful as [a man’s] desire to make women tremble with sexual pleasure. Men frequently attribute sexual pleasure to a woman based upon shaky evidence. Many porn fans express with certitude that adult [porn] actresses … are having real orgasms in their movies. There is a similiar kind of certainty in many women’s conviction that their hyper-masculine lover hides a secret tenderness.”

The book goes on to say that most women skim the sex scenes in romance novels or skip them all together. The sex scenes are not as detailed as the scenes that involve the alpha male revealing his inner softness to the woman (often discovering it himself for the first time). It is similiar to how a man may only need pictures of women’s body parts or in immodest clothing without actually being engaged in a sexual act.

The other psychological cue is what the book refers to as the “magic hoo hoo.” “The desire of a man is for the woman; the desire of a woman is for the desire of a man.” Women want to feel irresistibile. “Being desired is very arousing to women.” That may be why in romance novels there is more talk about the fact that the man develops an erection than on how large the man’s body part is or what it looks like.

"The magic hoo hoo does it all: it heals all ills, psychic and sexual. It provides unparelled pleasure to the hero, despite the heroine’s reluctance, inexperience, and awkwardness. …One taste of the magic hoo hoo is all it takes: the hero won’t be satisfied with anything else, physically or emotionally. …The gaze of male desires are focused outward, narrowly, and entirely on the woman. Men do not have sexual cues relating to their self. "

As such, the smooth talking man is like the immodest dressing woman. He is playing on the woman’s lusts. As a woman should strive to dress beautifully modest, you should strive to make yourself a strong confident male who doesn’t take advantage of women or abuse people. This avoids the excessiveness of lust which leads to problems.

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