Yesterday, coming back from Mass, on a certain roadway, I saw a turtle crossing, or at least trying to cross. He was still. I love turtles very very much, so I turned around and came back to help get him across. And my car frightened him, so he began to go back the way he came, and along comes another car and runs him straight over, right in front of my eyes, and I saw everything. He died because of me. I wanted to help him across the road he could make the journey to wherever he was going, and instead I killed the him.
I am a very sensetive and emotional person, and I love animals—creation very much, and God knows this, and I already suffer from other things as well, so why did this have to happen? I mean come 'on! what was the point?! If He is involved in our lives, then that includes our emotions and personalities as well, or at least He knows them, so why did this happen? Does He also pick on people like others among the earth? Because that is how it feels. Everyday it is something, and I am always fighting, and never get a break. ALL I wanted to do was save a turtle, and instead I killed it, and saw everything, saw it explode, break in half, blood, guts, everything—right before my eyes.
Is He involved in every aspect of our lives, or do things just happen? Because, what was the point of this? I would rather believe it was a random accident rather than He “allowed” it to happen for a mysterious reason.
I wish I was not so over emotional, most of the time the emotions are anger and sorrow, very seldom happiness, not anymore, that abandoned me long ago. But I wish I was not so warm hearted neither. I really really wish I was cold because then I wouldn’t carry so much sorrow! or anger.
What is the point in anything.