[quote="lily20, post:6, topic:250829"]
Thank you for your prayers, it helps to know I am not alone.
He was abusive to me so I had to leave, and he blamed me. It hurts so much, because I do love him. He is so manipulative that my lawyer says I cannot contact him. And I do know it's bad for me to, it just is such a sad ending.
Maybe also I have some childhood abandonment issues that this has triggered.
I pray to God that He help you with this cross.
I think sometimes we want to believe the best about people, especially people we care about deeply. We try SO hard to see the good in them, or to see them as salvagable if only we can find the right answer to bring them back from their ways. But is this reality...? Sometimes not.
So we fall in "love" with someone who doesn't exist: a perfect version of an imperfect reality. We see prince charming in the street mongrel. I'm not going to say this isn't actually love (after all, I think God loves me for what I could be if I were what He originally designed me for... righteousness), but it's certainly not the kind of love that we can build healthy relationships on.
I went through something similar once, and it was on a catholic retreat that I found my answer. I kept thinking "Oh man, God, how do I solve this problem and make this person see reason and come back to being a good person?" And then I just kind of had my answer: I was trying to fix what was not my place to fix. I was seeing potential that, for me, was not there. Basically, God slapped me with the impression that my efforts weren't effective and wouldn't be.
It was hard as hell, but I finally had to tell God, "Okay, I'm going to let this person go completely. I give them to You, God, so that You, in Your infinite wisdom and mercy, can lead them with Your grace."
It doesn't sound to me like you can "save" your husband. It sounds like you have an image of him as salvageable that doesn't square with reality (hence your lawyer's sound advice). So offer him to God for God to do with as God wills (and just pray that your husband is open to the grace that will be his salvation and true turning point in life)