Why does god hate me


#1

So after another night out and getting rejected by girls, i finally learned something about myself. God wants nothing to do with me. I have alot of things i want in life but when it comes to getting a girlfriend (the thing i want most), he has never been there to help… ever

Im 21, my last gf was 7 years ago who left me for another guy, and ive spent the last 7 years either failing with or being rejected by girls. Ive been on at most a 2nd date with a girl who all of a sudden wanted nothing to do with me (like all the others). There is a girl at the moment at my work who i have insanely strong feelings for but she is moving 9 hours away and has a boyfriend. Were perfect for each other and have become really close friends and i believe even if she were single, the fact that she is 5 years older than me is a problem. She wants to stay in contact when she leaves.

So im trying to get over her and deal with the fact im always getting rejected, which is hard. I just dont really know what to do, obviously clubs is not the way to go for me. Ive tried dating websites and hardly get any replies, there is no one at my work who is single. Where else do i look?? and ive failed that many times that im expecting to be rejected and not bothering anymore.

All i want… all i have ever wanted is a Girlfriend. And to those of you who say im putting too much emphasis on wanting one i say this. You spend 7 years of being lonley and rejected and try and see how easy it is to all of a sudden take your mind off of wanting one.

It really kills me to see the whole world with someone and me being this lonley loser mainly because i am a good person. I always try and do whats best for other people sometimes putting myself at a disadvantage. It feels as if the only thing god has ever helped me with is getting my job as a police officer and i honestly believe he has done that purely so it can benefit others. Which is fine and i dont mind that, but it would be nice for some help from him once and a while or at least to have someone to help me.

I honestly feel like God wants nothing to do with me. He is letting these things happen without the slightest hint of help. And to those of you who say god has a plan, give it time blah blah. You will only push me further away from god because in his plan somewhere you would think he could give me at least a little bit of a break!!!


#2

How about practical advice then?

Find some place to volunteer at-- a shelter, a community pantry, call your local chapter of a fav charity to see if they need help, maybe even a home for the elderly. Pick something, do something.

I think this can work for you on a few levels. First, there is the satisfaction of helping people who need something. Maybe you need that boost. Second, think about this a moment-- if you're only complaint in life is lack of a girl.. you've got a pretty good life. Yeah, I know, easy to say from my shoes. Finally.. and cynically.. you never really know who you'll meet in a volunteer situation, but I am willing to be you may be like minded with a few people..


#3

You know, not everyone is called to marriage early in life, or even at all. Just because your last girlfriend was 7 years ago doesn't mean God doesn't care about you. You could find a wonderful woman in 10 years, or 5, or tomorrow. You just have to pray, and continue to grow in faith and maturity.

Pop culture says every guy must have a girlfriend no matter what age they are, but this is not true. Don't fall for those lies, or you'll find yourself looking just for a GF, not somebody you want to spend your life with.

As for rejection, I think you should try and figure out why you are being rejected. Is it because you have a strong moral foundation? Do you swear? Do you dress appropriately? Look inwards and see yourself as other people might. In the end, you don't want to compromise your own values for a girl, you want to find a girl with those same values. You might not find her in your own community, you may have to move, or travel, but don't give up hope.


#4

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. I do feel for you situation. I know that you are really emotional right now, but the thing that struck me about your post is that you are asking God for a girlfriend (as opposed to a potential wife to court) and are upset because He has yet to provide you with what you want. I suggest changing your approach slightly, and ask God for you to understand His Will for you life. That will may very well be for you to be married and raise children. Based on you post, your will doesn't appear to be to do God's will in this area of your life. I wouldn't expect Him to grant your prayers to do your will over His Will. Once you align your will with His, things will start to fall into place in your life and you will be content as your will be striving to follow His will.

I hope that things start looking up for you. Btw at age 21 a 5 year age difference is not significant and you have plenty of time to find a wife. Keep up the good work wearing the shield!


#5

[quote="rustyboi, post:1, topic:207652"]

All i want.. all i have ever wanted is a Girlfriend....I honestly feel like God wants nothing to do with me.... You will only push me further away from god because in his plan somewhere you would think he could give me at least a little bit of a break!!!!

[/quote]

So you've made having a girlfriend you own personal idol and you're mad that God isn't helping you obtain your idol. If God doesn't give in to your demands, you whine you'll isolate yourself further from him.

It isn't God's job to give you a girlfriend. He isn't a vending machine at your service. You're supposed to serve God, not demand stuff from him.

Instead of blaming God, you need to realize that it is your fault if you can't get a girlfriend.

A few reality checks:
1) Women can probably sense that your are desperate and throw yourself pity parties. Both of these are huge turnoffs for them.
2) You are young. Work on yourself -- learn to be more self confident, work out at the gym, develop hobbies that will make you more interesting to women. Eharmony has some very good advice columns.


#6

I'm afraid I'm going to be blunt with you. Cruel-to-be-kind, that sort of thing. I have no desire to offend you or hurt your feelings, but please...

Grow up.

Stop obsessing about this.

The one thing that a single person can sniff out instantly is a member of the opposite sex with their eyes glued on them, just waiting for the chance.

Girls really don't like that sort of obsessive behaviour! In fact, men don't like it either. Desperation is one of the most unattractive traits in a person.

There's no point pining after a girl who a: already has a boyfriend and b: is moving away anyway. Can't you see how categorically UN-loving it is for you to seek, even if only in your heart, for her to break up with the person she's with so that you can have a chance with her? That's right up there with the 9th Commandment: You shall not covet your neighbour's wife. Talk about bad faith!

You shouldn't be asking God for Him to magically parachute a girlfriend into your life. That's not the sort of God we believe in.

Yes, He cares about you in your distress. He seeks to provide comfort to your soul. If you listen carefully to the small voice inside, you'll hear him tell you how to behave. But there isn't a 'cheat sheet' for life. It's your job to get right down to it and make of it what you will. Not only that, but also make of yourself what you will. You've been given the tools.

You have a brain, an intellect. It's unlikely you look like the back end of a bus even if you don't look like an 'adonis'. Attractiveness comes from within. From eye contact, facial expressions, body language. You carry out a responsible job. You are, in a practical sense, a 'good catch'. But it's up to you to do something about it. You're not getting a free pass, and frankly, it sounds a little whiney if you moan about it.

Buck up your ideas lad. Start with fixing your attitude to God and life and work on from there. Socialise with your colleagues. Join in with your Parish. Join a night-class. Take up a hobby that can be done in a group. Do charity work. MEET PEOPLE. Nobody else, not even God, is going to do it for you.


#7

I could have written your post when I was 21 (though I'm a female).

God saved a wonderful man for me and I am very blessed to have him, and our son, in my life.

Keep your faith in God but it's okay to ask Him to "hurry up!". ;)

Don't look for any good women in bars either (a big mistake of mine). Look for them in the Church and any clubs, hobbies, volunteering you may want to do.

It'll be okay!


#8

Remember - 7 years ago you were 14 so you probably were not going to marry her.

Also - in every marriage there are three to get married - you, her, and God. Strengthen your relationship with God and then you will be ready for marriage and God will put someone in your life as you will then truly be called to vocation of marriage.

Trust me right now I am entering to divorce from someone that represented as one thing and was not and better to be alone than not be with the right person who does not love God.


#9

I was 29 when I met my wife. Don’t worry about it there is still time. :slight_smile:


#10

I know exactly what you're dealing with. I'm twenty, completely blind, and trying to do my best to follow the Lord. But don't be afraid--deliverance is possible. I haven't found anyone, but a secular university isn't really the greenest pasture to graze, and I don't imagine your workplace is, either. What I found really helpful to get my mind off things was to recognize that fact (there really just aren't a lot of suitable girls around), ask God to lead me to the right people and possibly a girlfriend--all of that if it was his will, and get really busy.

I just got back from a five-week French-study program, and I would go the whole day without thinking about my girl troubles--it was amazing. You don't have to do something like that exactly, but

  • First, pray that God will lift this burden from you (so you won't communicate your very strong desire to get a girl, without your realizing it, to any and all potential and not-potential candidates and frighten them off);

  • Second, ask him to teach you to be more loving, sincere, and funny/entertaining (I've read somewhere that something like eighty percent of girls want someone with a sense of humour... or maybe it was both girls and guys);

  • Third, do some research on how to make yourself more attractive/humourous;

  • Fourth, try not to associate much with people who make their love life their top priority, because it will just bring you down; and

  • Fifth, start volunteering or getting involved in any other extracurricular activities that might interest you.

I don't know if anything I've written makes you feel a whole lot better, but I hope it helps somehow.

Cheers,
T.


#11

Lectio Libri Sapientiae (Proverbs 19:21) Douay-Rheims Bible

There are many thoughts in the heart of a man: but the will of the Lord shall stand firm.

Lectio Sancti Evangelii Secundum Matteo (Matthew 6:33) Douay-Rheims Bible

Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.

In other words God has a plan for you; he knew you before you were formed and conceived; Pray to him for his graceful mercy and have faith!


#12

I feel really sad that you are feeling that way but I don't think your problem has nothing to do with God. God loves you and he is always there for you, I think the problem is the way YOU are thinking. Look at what you are writing:

me being this lonley loser mainly because i am a good person

I always try and do whats best for other people sometimes putting myself at a disadvantage

You are putting your own self down, being critic about yourself and you are putting others before you. That is no good and I think you are not loving your own self enough, that is why you are being rejected. Unfortunatly, we reflect to others what we feel about ourselves. People can feel it and if you don't value and respect yourself enough you will attract people that won't value or respect you.

God is immensly great and he loves each one of us at our own level. He gave us freedom to choose and he respects our decisions because he loves us and he knows that freedom is one of the most important things, and if we choose to feel sorry about ourselves or if we choose to put ourselves down he is going to respect our decision. He is letting us know through the bible and through the church that he loves us and that he can help us to have a happier life but if we inside of us are believing that we are not deserving his love and we hate our own self, is like if we are closing the door on him.

What I think you should do is start to learn to love your own self! You are a wonderful human being created at God's image and God loves you, there is absolutely no excuse for you to be thinking in a negative way about your own self. Stop putting others first, think about you and your feelings, be loving with your own self and considerate your own self. Tell your own self that you love your own self. Don't get emotionally attached to past experinces. If others rejected you, put it in God's hands and be willing to FORGIVE. Ask God to help to forget and he will do. If you want to find true love you need to able to leave the past behind and move towards the future. Don't let the past control you, if you allow the past to control you then the same thing will keep on happening. Step out of the victim position, take control over your own thinking and have faith that things will work out for you, keep on trying no matter what and I am 100% sure that you will find exactly what you want.

And something else, you are only 21. You are very very young, you still have a lot to live and learn. Work on your own self and don't give up. Edison took many years and failures before he was able to power NY city. If he would had given up during the first years after all his failures, we would have no electricity today, but he was persistent and he didn't let failures to stop him. Eventually, he succed. Think the same way and I bet you will succed too.


#13

[quote="NoAvailableName, post:5, topic:207652"]
So you've made having a girlfriend you own personal idol and you're mad that God isn't helping you obtain your idol. If God doesn't give in to your demands, you whine you'll isolate yourself further from him.

It isn't God's job to give you a girlfriend. He isn't a vending machine at your service. You're supposed to serve God, not demand stuff from him.

Instead of blaming God, you need to realize that it is your fault if you can't get a girlfriend.

A few reality checks:
1) Women can probably sense that your are desperate and throw yourself pity parties. Both of these are huge turnoffs for them.
2) You are young. Work on yourself -- learn to be more self confident, work out at the gym, develop hobbies that will make you more interesting to women. Eharmony has some very good advice columns.

[/quote]

[quote="DexUK, post:6, topic:207652"]
I'm afraid I'm going to be blunt with you. Cruel-to-be-kind, that sort of thing. I have no desire to offend you or hurt your feelings, but please...

Grow up.

Stop obsessing about this.

The one thing that a single person can sniff out instantly is a member of the opposite sex with their eyes glued on them, just waiting for the chance.

Girls really don't like that sort of obsessive behaviour! In fact, men don't like it either. Desperation is one of the most unattractive traits in a person.

There's no point pining after a girl who a: already has a boyfriend and b: is moving away anyway. Can't you see how categorically UN-loving it is for you to seek, even if only in your heart, for her to break up with the person she's with so that you can have a chance with her? That's right up there with the 9th Commandment: You shall not covet your neighbour's wife. Talk about bad faith!

You shouldn't be asking God for Him to magically parachute a girlfriend into your life. That's not the sort of God we believe in.

Yes, He cares about you in your distress. He seeks to provide comfort to your soul. If you listen carefully to the small voice inside, you'll hear him tell you how to behave. But there isn't a 'cheat sheet' for life. It's your job to get right down to it and make of it what you will. Not only that, but also make of yourself what you will. You've been given the tools.

You have a brain, an intellect. It's unlikely you look like the back end of a bus even if you don't look like an 'adonis'. Attractiveness comes from within. From eye contact, facial expressions, body language. You carry out a responsible job. You are, in a practical sense, a 'good catch'. But it's up to you to do something about it. You're not getting a free pass, and frankly, it sounds a little whiney if you moan about it.

Buck up your ideas lad. Start with fixing your attitude to God and life and work on from there. Socialise with your colleagues. Join in with your Parish. Join a night-class. Take up a hobby that can be done in a group. Do charity work. MEET PEOPLE. Nobody else, not even God, is going to do it for you.

[/quote]

(In my best Steve Martin voice) Well, excuuuuuuse him for being a normal male. It was God Who said "It is not good for the man to be alone".

[quote="rustyboi, post:1, topic:207652"]
It feels as if the only thing god has ever helped me with is getting my job as a police officer

[/quote]

Look at it this way - you are employed (appreciate it in this economy), so you have a base with which to support a family, so look at this as a first step. Now, you have something that you can use to "sell yourself" as husband material.


#14

Welcome to CAF, Rusty! :wave:

Well, first, I think I should point out that God does not hate you. We don't always understand his timing, but he knows what is best for us far more than we know ourselves. Don't forget that.

Believe me, I understand what you're going through. When I was your age, I was quite obsessed with finding a girlfriend (and had endured a much longer dry spell). Every girl I met, every girl I passed by at the grocery store was potentially "the one". It can be really debilitating and self-destructive. It is impossible to form lasting, healthy friendships with a member of the opposite sex with that sort of attitude.

The best thing I ever did was to stop obessesing over it. It really is that simple. Of course, it's easier said than done, but you need to make that decision and be committed to it. God is indispensible in acheiving this. Rely on Him. Find a hobby. Read a lot. Pray a lot. Avail yourself of the grace of the sacraments frequently. Do whatever you can to keep your mind off of it. For me, once I finally trained myself to stop obsessing over it was when those opportunities finally arose (eventually leading to marriage).

Remember, if you're not happy where you are at, getting a girlfriend (or a wife) is not going to change that. A woman (no matter how wonderful) cannot be the source of your happiness. Only God can fill that role.

You need to learn to be happy where you're at, to be the best version of yourself. Doesn't your future spouse deserve as much? Focus on improving yourself and growing in virtue. You'll be amazed at how everything falls into place.

I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless!


#15

To the OP,

I was totally in your shoes when I was in my 20's (except I'm a woman). I was alone, miserable, and...while I knew about God I didn't think he cared enough to give me a husband. I didn't meet my husband till I was 26 (sometimes it takes time). You don't want to be desperate and take the first thing that comes along because you are lonely. As my father always said "don't settle for second best"...but don't try to get someone "out of your league" either or you are just going to be let down and more depressed. I was overweight for a time lost a ton of weight joined the company co-ed soccer team and met my husband on another team. I would avoid bars/clubs those are nothing but meat markets and you don't want some foul mouthed boozer/sleazy chick that slept with everyone anyway for a wife and mother of your future kids. I would suggest co-ed sports most towns/cities have fun leagues for adults to play on. Exercise, fun and other adults.

I hate to dwell on this but...
I'm not saying you are like this guy I'm about to describe but he didn't/doesn't/won't ever get the fact there are "leagues" of people. He's a 5"1 guy, very overweight, pinched voice, not into cleanliness so much, shaves his head (real short hair) instead of styles it and thinks he can get women that are 5"9, 130 pounds, blond and look like models. I've tried to talk to him but he still doesn't "get it" and thinks that "looks don't matter" (yet he complains when he goes on e-harmony or some other singles site and goes on the one and only date with women that are mildly overweight-"she's definately not thin"-he says to me). Don't be like this guy. If you are a "looker" get a looker (good looking person) etc. you get the idea. This is important because shopping outside your "zone" will bring nothing but annoyance and heartache and lonliness. I don't mean to sound "shallow" but the first thing that usually attracts people is looks, (of course there are nasty good looking people and nice average people-just be choosy).

Just my .02 cents.


#16

Do you think God hated Jesus then? I mean, that was one horrible way for an innocent and sinless man to be tortured and killed, don't you agree?

I can understand your frustration about being single and being rejected. At 38, I am not married and have no children. I have no siblings and no family in this country other than my aging parents. The thought of growing old alone is quite terrifying to me. I don't understand God's plan for me, either. Some days I'm ok with it, some days I struggle with feelings of anger and unfairness about the Almighty.

The truth is, we are like infants compared to God's knowledge and wisdom. We don't understand His plan much like an infant doesn't understand why the big people in the room won't let him the shred the pages from books or grab the glass from the table. Are the adults loving or hateful toward that infant?

Make friends with the young women around you. It's true that women can sense desperation and it really acts as a repellent. If a woman has a boyfriend, she is off limits. Don't fantasize about how perfect the two of you would be. Fantasies are dangerous and the reality will never live up to the fantasy. It's better just to close those thoughts off before they start.

I promise I will remember you in my prayers. Please remember this old maid in yours!


#17

The number one thing I can suggest is to stop trying.

I'm not saying to give up hope, but do other things. If all you have is a want for a girlfriend, then you don't have squat to offer one. The only thing you have to offer is obsessive devotion and submission, which is not something that any sane woman would want.

Take college courses.
Learn skills, anything from a language, to baloon animals, to Ju Jutsu.
Do things that push you outside your comfort zone.
Have adventures: take a long weekend and go do something stupid with friends
Pick a topic, then read 3 different books about it, all from different points of view, then compare and contrast those views until you craft your own.

If you spent a year doing all these things, then the next time you talk to a girl, you'll have something to talk about. You'll have a life that she will think "wow, if I hang out with him, I'll never be bored." And even if you don't have a girlfriend after 1 year, you will have had fun during that year, and be a better person because of it.


#18

As a teenager who has never dated while watching all my friends do so, I sympathize with you. At the same time, I’m going to tell you exactly what I tell myself: Get over it, grow up. I’m not trying to be mean at all. But I think you need this. Its not about what you want, its about what God wants. Don’t pine for a girlfriend, pine for him! He should be your center.

Paraphrasing a bible quote; Do my will and everything else will follow. So my suggestion is that you stop worrying about having a girlfriend and instead work to live out God’s word. Everything else will fall into place. I’m not saying stop looking for a girlfriend, but stop making it the centre of your life. Think about your job, education, hobbies, friends and family. Life could be worse and is worse for many people.

I understand why you want a girlfriend so badly: you want love, because you were made for love. But you must search for it in God first: all love stems from God first. If you do not, you will never find the right girlfriend nor find meaningful love. Don’t search in a bar, look into meeting people by voulenteering, at your church, etc. The right people come from the right places! And don’t jump into a relationship, be friends first.

Here is a link to chastity.com, under dating which might help you with some questions

chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/dating

I know that you will say, " I am lonley and you don’t understand how that feels." I do understnd. However God understands better. The thing is, you will only stop being lonley by having a good relationship with him. Immerse yourself in his love. I know that doesn’t sound as attractive as a girlfriend, however I assure you this the only way to be truly satisifed. And maybe God wants you to come closer to him before you can find the right lady. If you aren’t close enough to hm, your relationship with her will not be good enough.

21 is young! You could still have a girlfriend/ wife. And even if you don’t, maybe God has a different calling for you. What he wants is always best, no matter how we feel. His plan for your life will always turn out better than our own. Enjoy life, don’t spend all your time wanting something!
As the saying goes: Man purposes, God Disposes. His plan will make you happy, no matter what it is or how long it takes.

God Bless


#19

I could have written your post, as well (but I’m a female, too)! That was a very difficult time for me, so I sympathize. Please don’t lower your standards for the sake of being “happy.” I say this because I was in a “relationship” where the guy I was dating totally used me. . .I never saw it happening, or maybe I didn’t want to see it happening, because I was so lonely. I forgot what was important in a mate because I was so lonely.

He broke up with me after a couple of months (he’d found that I’d started to catch on to his game and found someone else). I was home from work depressed for days. It wasn’t so much the breakup that got me down; it was part of it, but I was really so ashamed of myself for the way I allowed him to treat me (running to his house at 10PM on a weeknight, giving him a ride 2 hours away when his car was “broken,” etc.). If a potential girlfriend of yours picks up any hint of desperation, she may take it and you for a ride.

So don’t think that having anyone is better than not having someone. I routinely have conversations with God about trying to do His will and not my own. It is very difficult, and my prayers are with you.

Find a parish that has a young adults group. Don’t join just to find a partner; that may very well happen, but it would help to make healthy, platonic relationships with others in your age group. You’ll also get the chance to do volunteer/charity work to help take your mind off “looking.”

Welcome, and feel free to come by anytime!:slight_smile:


#20

You could have told my story, except for the fact that I'm female, and considerably older than you are. But twenty years ago, I was single, with an extremely demanding job (I have retired since, but I was a professional ballet dancer with a large ballet company in New York City.) Obviously in good shape, and probably above average in looks. And with absolutely NO prospects for dating: Rehearsals during the performing season meant ten to twelve hour days, along with company class. And without exception, my male coworkers (other dancers) were either married or gay, and therefore, off the market.

And yeah, I believed that God was out to get me, get me in the punitive sense. And I was desperate, and it oozed from every pore. That desperation got me to get involved with a series of idiots, each of whom was more of a heartbreak than the last. It cost me money. It cost me my sense of self-respect. Worst of all, each of them dumped me! And I thought God hated me more and more.

I was, one night after having a beer or two, quite maudlin with a couple of my friends from work. And I went on a real crying jag, and blurted out that I thought God hated me.

Bless my one friend, when she said, "Has it ever occurred to you that God may be trying to SPARE you from getting married to one of these jerks?"

That thought sobered me up pretty quickly. Okay! That did make a lot of sense to me.

A few days later (and clear-headed) I talked with this other dancer again. She suggested I get into some short term therapy, and I did exactly that. I learned to appreciate myself as the child of God that I am, and began to get over the feeling of desperation and the sense of misery in being alone. About a year later, as I was looking back over all these horrendous so-called relationships, in prayer I told God that if that was what my own will was capable of cooking up, I wanted no part of it. I put the relationship issue in His far more capable hands, and said quite firmly, "I'm willing to accept Your will in this matter, because I know that You have my happiness and welfare at heart. If You want someone in my life, put him there, and by the way, could You please give me a sign about it, because I think I'd be too dense to figure it out for myself? And if it turns out You don't want someone in my life, that's okay, too, because I know that You will help me have a rich, fulfilling, and satisfying life."

I put it right in His very competent hands, and left it there. I went on to continue performing for ten more years. During that time I also completed my bachelors' degree in fine arts, as well as starting on my master's degree in kinesiology. All of this while maintaining the training and performance schedule of a professional ballerina in a big company! It was one of the most productive periods in my life, and looking back on it, I see the hand of God there, too.

But a couple of years after this happened, I met the man who was to become my husband, while I was doing something that I always had wanted to do: Taking a balloon ride! Our courtship was slow, casual, and activity filled, and we did not get physically intimate early in our relationship. We developed a real friendship. He didn't crowd me, and I didn't crowd him. We learned to appreciate each other as human beings.

By the way, the "sign" came later that summer, as we were hiking in the mountains of West Virginia with a group of other hikers: Just after nightfall, someone pointed to the northern sky and said: "Look!" And there, among the heavens, in all their splendor, were the Northern Lights. Locals told us that they almost never saw them that far south before.

I have no words of advice for you, other than to take your concern to God in the right way. You have much going for you, and I am certain that there is a very fortunate young lady that God has in mind for you out there. As you get more job experience, and perhaps do some recreational things that you enjoy doing, you will meet her, and be able to bring to your new relationship all of the gifts you've been given. Be selective. Don't settle for a sham of the real thing. And even if that does NOT happen, God will situate you in life so that you will be deeply happy and fulfilled on your own.

May God bless you richly!


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