Sorry to see your first response was such a cynical one. :shrug:
I remember sitting at my grandma’s feet, listening to her tell the stories of St. Bernadette, and the children at Fatima, and wishing with all my heart that the Blessed Mother would appear to me. But I soon began to believe I was waaaaaay too sinful to receive that gift
As an adult, like you, I thought I would like to handle the “responsibility” of such graces as visions or the stigmata. As a slightly older adult (41) I now see that I have tremendous responsibility to use the graces God gives me daily, however mundane they may seem.
OK, so God chooses whom He will to receive visions, etc. Why? Such private revelations are for the benefit of those receiving them and those who become aware of them. Consider the good that was brought about by the visions at Lourdes or Guadalupe.
One could argue that God could send out monthly messages to increase faith around the world – but then it wouldn’t be “faith.” It would be reliance on signs and wonders. Our Heavenly Father knows that we little human beings need the occasional signs to renew our faith and help us redirect our lives back towards Him. But always, we are called to live by faith, and not by signs.
Personally, I look to the example of St. Therese of Lisieux, who either had an actual vision of the statue of Our Lady coming to life and smiling at her, or who just imagined it in her fragile mental state. Either way, it was the only sign or vision she ever received. Instead, she built her faith by the simplest, most mundane acts of love.
At your young age, it is fantastic that you want the responsibility of spreading the gospel, of being so united to Christ that you bear His wounds. Keep on this path of faith and love, through times of light and times of darkness. May I suggest you read the writing or biographies of such saints as John of the Cross, Therese of Lisieux (who spent her life praying for priests), or Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta?
And when you read or consider the Saints who received visions or the stigmata, consider their whole lives and how they were lived. Their heroism of faith and charity came mostly in the ordinary events and sacrifices of their lives.
God bless you, dear one. And thank you for asking this question