Why is sex so wrong except in one scenario?


Have you looked into the group Courage?


I looked into it but not a group in my area. Local parish is starting something similar, I’m going to sign up for that.


Years?? I can’t even get to my last longest streak (80 days). I thought that would reset something, felt so weird doing it again but was sad how easily I went back to old habits.


I went from weeks to 3 months to 6 months and this is actually my anniversary month and I believe it’s been five or six years since I stopped.

You’re going to have to go to confession a lot and you’re going to have to pick yourself up from some pretty bad binges.

The key is to just never give up it doesn’t matter how much you think you’re annoying the priest you just can’t give up.

You have to keep going to confession keep doing your best eventually you will develop a resistance and something will click in you and you will just stop.

I went from age 12 to 26 with my problem and I’m 31 now.


Sex is wonderful because it has evolved to feel that way in order to encourage you to have as much of it as possible so as to perpetuate your genes in the species. Far, far earlier forms of you (that weren’t human) would try to “spread the seed” as far and wide as possible.

But as humans evolved, our children started becoming much, much more labor-intensive to raise. Social conventions like religion evolved partially to facilitate this reality so you ended up becoming “one man, one woman for life” as an ideal. So you still have these primitive urges to procreate as much as you can clashing with the fact that a human child isn’t semi-autonomous until puberty - 13-15 years or so and their mother truly needs help keeping them alive to that stage.

As far as the contraceptive part, that’s mostly a Catholic interpretation of things. The other billion Christians on the planet and their representative scholars and theologians think that Christianity has all kinds of room for non-abortifacient contraception.


Well then I would say that probably your problem isn’t sexual as much as it has to do with loneliness and perhaps boredom.

Try exercising or socializing with activities at your Parish more.

I have really bad habit of overeating especially when I get home from work at 5 in the morning.

I’ll sit there and eat like two bowls of cereal and watch YouTube videos just because it gives me something to do and probably because as a smoker there’s an oral fixation to eating.


Not to my mind. But each of us will value things differently.


Catechism 2351 gives the reason: “Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”

Note it is and not or.


I read about a man given to drinking that he should read a chapter of the Gospel when he felt the urge to drink. If he still wanted to drink after reading that chapter, he should read another, and so on.

A decade of the Rosary might work also.

The main thing is you have discovered what brings on the temptation: loneliness, boredom, depression. You have used a “quick fix” for this in the past, but if you think of that state as a “near occasion of sin,” then you can think of ways to avoid or deal with it other than the “quick fix.”

In any battle, a soldier will fall. What makes him a good soldier is getting back up (from Spiritual Combat, by Dom Scupoli, available as a book and online as a text or pdf).

Remember you will not achieve the ultimate victory without God’s help, so pray for His grace, apologize when you mess up, and get back up again!


My wife & I married in our late 30s, both of us virgins. So we have a sweet sacred private place we’ve never visited with anyone but each other. To treasure that place even while single and to strive to keep it as such is not “sad”. It is a forward-thinking gift of self sacrificial love to my future spouse. And until I marry, or if I never marry, it is my costly gift to God.


I’m confused. Are you married or not?


Yes, I’m married, just under 20 years now. While single I was never certain that I would ever marry although I really longed for that. Would it have been a waste to maintain sexual purity if I never ended up married? Not if I could offer it to God as a gift of love for him.


What about the spouse themselves? Or the kids you have/could have with them?


I think you’re misunderstanding. No one is saying that it’s sad if people are virgins when they marry. That’s great.

What IS sad is believing that virginity is the pinnacle of spousal gifts, the most worthy thing you can bring to the table. It doesn’t even crack the top 100 in my opinion.


Again, it depends on personal values, in a sense. Yes, I like to think I was a fabulous gift for my wife. But, in both our minds, that gift was better because neither of us had been intimate with anyone else. If that kind of intimacy, and there are various sorts of such, is not high on the priority list then neither partner will be bothered by the other’s past. But for my wife and I , remaining chaste was a personal choice we both made early in life. I realize we may be a dying breed but I would do the same again if I were to live life over.


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