Please help me to understand and accept what appears to be a kind of “having your cake and eating it too” (non-falsifiability in phrasing) problem in the Catechism 188.8.131.52: Statements are made like,
 the sacraments act ex opere operato (literally: “by the very fact of the action’s being performed”), i.e., by virtue of the saving work of Christ, accomplished once for all. …] Nevertheless, the fruits of the sacraments also depend on the disposition of the one who receives them.
 The Church affirms that for believers the sacraments of the New Covenant are necessary for salvation.
 The sacraments are efficacious signs of grace …] They bear fruit in those who receive them with the required dispositions.
The argument strikes me as almost circular:
*]You must receive the Holy Spirit’s grace in the sacraments necessary for salvation.
*]To benefit from the Holy Spirit’s grace bestowed in sacraments, you must be in good disposition.
*]To be in good disposition, you must receive grace from the Holy Spirit.
I suppose the resolution is that God gives one grace to be well-disposed towards the sacraments, and then even more grace via the sacraments. Something like driving towards an on-ramp, and then accelerating via the on-ramp onto the highway… I suppose my real problem, then, is not the reasoning here, but that I just don’t seem to have received the prior grace needed, so I’m ready to quit the sacraments all together. (To make matters worse, I’ve already been Confirmed, so I don’t understand why this lack of faith …)
Additionally, this claim is apparently false:
 The Spirit heals and transforms those who receive him by conforming them to the Son of God.
I don’t see that I have been transformed or healed. I suppose the resolution here is that they meant “spiritual healing”, i.e. absolution from sin, the purification of Penance, and the sanctification of the Eucharist.
I would appreciate your help in resolving these intellectual difficulties. If I have myself resolved them with my proffered answers, then I would appreciate your prayers.
Proofreading, I don’t think I’ve articulated all the problem I have with this section: I try to be well-disposed, i.e. Confession before Mass, reading Bible & Catechism, praying throughout the day, trying to do spiritual and corporal works of mercy, participating in Mass, praying beforehand, praying afterwards, etc., yet I only seem to have increasingly less faith. Then I go to receive Communion and want to be healed and tell myself it’s Jesus but remind myself to be open to God’s will, not my will, and then pray that if it’s not God’s will for me to be healed that He tell me why or when, and then I receive the Eucharist and it’s as if I’ve just been kidding myself and it’s in reality only a piece of bread. Then I later try to talk myself into thinking I’m just not ready to be healed yet, but I still don’t know how to distinguish my own thoughts from the Holy Spirit’s guidance, even though I’ve prayed that the Holy Spirit guide me, etc.
So, basically, this section of the Catechism talks like the sacraments actually do something if you’re well-disposed, “guarantee”, but they seem to have done nothing and I don’t know how to be any more well-disposed. Moreover, I don’t see that everyone in my life is generally holier than they were previously as a consequence of receiving the sacraments over time. Is it reasonable to think that all the fruit they’re bearing and holiness they’re increasing in is invisible? Or is it reasonable to think that most everyone in my life is not well-disposed to the sacraments? Aren’t we supposed to know people by their fruit? Yet the people in my life are generally the same, it seems, not changing over time to greater holiness.
I’m honestly beginning to feel like a hypocrite if I continue participating in the Mass, educating children, and calling myself a Christian, because at this point I think I might actually be surprised if I were to die and find myself facing God. At this point I think I want God to exist but no longer believe He does, even though I continue praying, asking for more faith, frequenting the sacraments, etc., because I cannot understand what it means to call a silent, absent being ‘Father’. Or if he’s not silent because He talks to me in the Bible, then I don’t understand why His only communication to me is a largely arcane and archaic collection of documents from 2,000+ years ago.