I’m not sure where to post this–mods please move if this is the wrong forum.
I have been a convert to Catholicism for three years now, and I love my wonderful Faith.
My husband of fifteen years died in March, from cancer we just found out about in June. My heart is broken to bits. Our marriage was blissful–he was my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in raising our 13 year old son who has Asperger’s syndrome and ADHD and can be a huge handful. Now, he is gone, and I feel so alone. I know God is with me, I know I have my Church and my friends from Church…I know all that. I go to daily mass, I pray to God, Mary, the saints, to ask for help/intercession. I volunteer in many areas to keep myself busy while I await Social Security’s decision on what, exactly, I will be getting as his widow and the mom of his child. But, I am so deeply sad and confused and lonely.
What I want most to ask is this. The whole thing about there being no marriage in Heaven–I think probably there are others who may feel the same way that I do–that this seems scary, when we think of maybe going to Heaven and perhaps seeing the spouse we loved and tenderly cared for so much just as another face on the streets of gold in Heaven, that they won’t be anyone special to us, that we won’t be together at all, because we will all be totally, 100% focused on God at all times, and I know and understand, logically anyhow, that we won’t care or mind this in Heaven–that when we see the beatific vision, that will be it. But from where I stand right now, all I can think of is the depth of my pain and the rawness of my missing him, and how much I hope to see him again in Heaven and still be somehow special to one another, even if not in a marriage.
My husband was baptized in his final hospitalization, and received an Apostolic Pardon, and I believe he is in Heaven. I hope I will end up there as well. I want to see him, and our baby boy we lost at 20 weeks of pregnancy, again, and I want to know and love them.
What do you guys think about that?