Widows/ers...how do you keep yourself entertained?


#1

I am in my mid-60's and I had been married for 41 yrs. I have children but no grandkids. My kids would come and visit every weekend. Right now I have no intention of having any kind of relationship with anyone other than friendship. Is there a group out there that will help you meet other 'singles' do stuff together like going to the movies, watch a play, eat at restaurants, etc? I have my old friends but most of them are couples who are pretty busy with their own family and grandkids. Every now and then some of my neighbors and my previous coworkers will eat and shop for half a day. I go to Mass everyday and once a week I look forward to eating out and meeting with the support group. I used to work for 33 years but I just retired this year to take care of my husband but in less than 2 months from retirement he passed away. Sometimes I think of working part time but right now there are so many people who needs a job more than me. It gets lonely sometimes so I need to keep myself busy. Any ideas out there on how I can find new friends and do stuff but not solely to date?


#2

What about volunteering?
Are there any women’s groups (like Counsel of Catholic Women) at your parish? These are fabulous groups that work together for a great cause… and they form beautiful friendships that last for decades! My MIL has been widowed for ~15 years and she has always had a VERY busy schedule with her circle activities. She also sings in the choir at Mass, so that’s another route for finding friendships…
Seriously - we have to “schedule” time with her because she always has a group of friends who are going here or there or having lunch/dinner out together.


#3

If you have some hobby or other interest, perhaps you might find a group devoted to it that will provide some social activity for you.

For example, I'm a quilter, so I have joined the local quilt guild. They have monthly meetings with lectures by "name" quilters, workshops to attend where you can learn new techniques, smaller sewing groups, the occasional field trip or sewing retreat, and a quilt show every other year. They also sew quilts for charity.

Ask yourself what you like to do, and then find other people who like to do it too.

Hodgewyfe (59 years old, widowed for 5 years)


#4

How about joining the men's club or the Knights of Columbus at your parish? The choir? Also, many parishes have senior clubs which do the sort of thing you are speaking of - they might get groups together to go on a trip, or go to a play and dinner. If yours doesn't offer it, it is usually ok to participate in the group of a neighboring parish and you wouldn't have to change parishes to do so.

There's also something called "meet up" which is an online get-together thing for all different kinds of people. There are meet-ups for singles - that's probably most of them. But anyone can start such a group and I know of a meet-up group that's for retired men who golf, another for women who meet to knit and pray, another for teenagers who do adventure sports - just google meet up and see what comes up in your area. I've been to several groups and found a few that were a good fit for my interests - I don't hit it off with everyone of course, but have met several new friends this way.

Another option is volunteering. My father gives rides to seniors who no longer drive and has made a lot of friends doing so. Often he'll suggest they have lunch or coffee while they are out, after the other person finishes their doctor appointment or whatever they are driving to. If that doesn't interest you, many public and private schools welcome the help and encouragement of adults in the community - you might be able to help a child with a math concept, or with reading, or run them through their times table flashcards or spelling words. My teenage son volunteers in a nursing home - a hospital would probably be similar. So many people of all ages work there, he's met all kinds of great people. It's not a huge commitment - like four to 8 hours a week - but he's made a lot of connections with people of all ages.

In short, consider what else interests you - a senior bowling league, a card group? Your local park program probably offers a lot of things and all you have to do is sign up and go.

And don't forget the people you already know - consider entertaining a bit. Perhaps your wife used to do it, but you can make it simple and relaxed - invite your other friends over for a cookout, or to watch a game and have pizzas delivered - not only young people can do these things! Or plan a guy's poker night - why not?

Best wishes to you!


#5

It is hard to lose one’s life partner. Mine has been gone seven months and I miss him so much. I have two daughters who leave in the same city and a son who is moving here soon. However, they all work and have their own responsibilities and I don’t expect them to look after me. You have to put yourself out there as most times people don’t quite know how to approach you, especially those friends who are still married. I volunteer at hospice, and I have joined the Merry Widows at church. We meet once a month for lunch and although few of us are Merry, we do have a good time, and in a group such as this you can find someone you have things in common with, thus someone to attend other events with. I also have shown dogs as a hobby for many years, but have not done so for the time my husband was ill. I bought a new show potential pup last week and hope to start going to an occasional show again soon. But as I said, it is very hard.


#6

[quote="hodgewyfe, post:3, topic:248529"]
If you have some hobby or other interest, perhaps you might find a group devoted to it that will provide some social activity for you.

For example, I'm a quilter, so I have joined the local quilt guild. They have monthly meetings with lectures by "name" quilters, workshops to attend where you can learn new techniques, smaller sewing groups, the occasional field trip or sewing retreat, and a quilt show every other year. They also sew quilts for charity.

Ask yourself what you like to do, and then find other people who like to do it too.

Hodgewyfe (59 years old, widowed for 5 years)

[/quote]

As a variation of the above quote, if you are a quilter check out your parish, perhaps they have a group of ladies that get together to quilt. I don't quilt but my parish as a bunch of ladies that get together on certain days during the week, every week to quilt. They then use the quilts they've made to be raffled off at various church activities like the church picnic or whatever. Perhaps that would be an option for you if you quilt and your parish has something like this.:)


#7

Along with volunteering at your parish, have to checked out your local Red Hat Society? redhatsociety.com/

The group is based on the poem, "Warning" by Jenny Joseph, which is also sometimes called, "When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple".

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I have a good friend who's father passed away when we were in college. She's an only child, and her mom's only sister is a nun in a cloistered order, and her mom found herself in a situation similar to yours. She volunteered at her parish, volunteered in a local elementary school, but found she needed more of a social outlet, so she joined the Red Hat Society. She has a lot of fun with the women she met there and they do all kinds of things - dinner, local shows, trips to NYC, crafting nights, sightseeing tours (they went to Amish country last year).

Check out what's going on in your town as well. A local retreat center near my parents works with the city's Council on Aging to put together day and overnight trips for local residents at pretty good rates. Again, they see shows in the city, or take trips to the beach, casinos, or places of interest. I believe they even did a weekend in Montreal last year.

Best of luck to you, finding companions to share your time and talents with. :hug1:


#8

Thanks for all the wonderful replies…Right now I am trying not to join anything at my church due to some recent issue that I had in another thread. I am the shy type so it’s not going to be easy for me to just join a group but one of those that was suggested was to look online at ‘meet up’. I did look online and there are so many groups out there! Are these groups safe? I have not read all the groups yet but there are some that looks interesting. By the way, I am volunteering with a hospice but I just need more of a social outlet. I still do stuff with my old friends but I just need to meet newr people that meets my interest, hobby, etc. Also, I am not a quilter nor am I athletic but I like scrapbooking!


#9

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