Wife Cheated - Again

Sorry I just need to vent somewhere. Found out the night before Christmas eve that my wife had a “fling” with a guy this past summer. This brings back a lot of bad emotions since she had an affair several years ago and we were separated for five months back then. Pretty much ruined my Christmas. Probably heading toward divorce since she destroyed all trust. Haven’t been able to chat with anyone yet since I didn’t want to impact people’s holiday season with my problems, so I turned to this forum. Any prayers would be appreciated.

I am praying for you

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.

I pray the Lord will grant you the wisdom and enlightenment to seek and to find what is best for you and your wife. I pray that Christ will send His angels to strike away all forms of bitterness and vengeance, and for the Holy Spirit to fill your soul and to comfort you. I pray to God, grant you the strength to emerge victorious throughout this trial. And I pray for your wife that she will seek the truth and find her way back to the Lord’s mercy. Lord, we know not Your greater plan, but whatever the outcome, please grant healing for each one involved directly, or indirectly. In Jesus’ mighty name, happiness will surely return to you. Amen.

I am so sorry to hear this… your heart must be breaking. I have always found the Memorare a wonderful prayer in times like these… Can you talk to your priest? A family member. It would be a huge burden to bear alone.
I will pray for you. God bless you in this very difficult and painful time.

O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that any one who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired with this confidence,
I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins my Mother;
to thee do I come,
before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful;
O Mother of thy Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

I’m so sorry that happened. I will pray for you both.

I’m so sorry. I hope you can find a chance to talk to your pastor; I have found it helps so much to find someone discrete to talk to who has heard others going through a similar trial. You know your story won’t go any farther, you know you’re not saying anything he hasn’t heard before, and you know you are talking to someone whose life is dedicated to healing the broken-hearted.

Our parish also has a group for divorced and separated Catholics, because it is so easy to feel that no one else in the parish has gone through anything like that, when nothing could be farther from the truth. If yours has one, too, you may find kindred spirits that have been through something similar to what you are suffering now.

May St. Michael protect you and your wife from all evil and may you both find ways to draw closer to Our Lord and to each other as you overcome this challenge to your marriage.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.


Just wanted to thank everyone for the responses and prayers, I really appreciate them. I do have some people I can talk to if needed. They were there when I needed them a few years ago and I’m sure would be willing to help. Although its been tough the past couple days at least it doesnt seem as bad as it was several years ago. Those times were very dark for me. I know what to expect in terms of emotions and have ways to deal with all this I guess. But nobody should have to go through this mess once let alone a second time. My wife is out of town until after the new year so I have some time to think about what has transpired in my life.

Praying for you. Please see your priest. May God bless you.

No, they shouldn’t. It’s a betrayal that someone who has never experienced it truly cannot understand. Words cannot express the pain you are going through.

Both of you are in my prayers.

On January 18, 2010, my wife confided to me that she had been having an affair. After two months of prayer, Scripture, and discussion, I came down on the side of forgiveness. I did not want to get divorced. In May of that same year, she ended up filing for divorce to leave me for yet a different man with whom she was having an affair. She then felt guilty and offered to dismiss the divorce, but I proceeded with it. She married the man three months after the divorce. Thankfully, other circumstances allowed an annulment in my case. I understand your pain; I appreciate your emotional agony. Just know that I am praying for you, brother.

The Memorare has always been my comfort, so I hope it will offer you comfort too!

This is one of the reasons why I don’t want to get into relationships. I’d rather become a priest or stay single for life then have to go through this, and or experience these emotions. Then again it’s basically impossible for me to get into a relationship, so I am **auto saved **for life from this. I am sorry for what happened to you btw, I will pray for you.
The prophet Isaiah had his wife cheat on him twice too, so your not alone in this.

Honestly, throw this terrible woman out of your life and make sure she gets all the punishment she deserves. Honestly thats terrible anyone would do that to another person. I hate people who cheat. That being said, I will pray that you will recover and that your wife will learn to be faithful, although seeing as this has happened before, she’s probably to thick to learn to be faithful

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you.

Trevor, thanks for sharing your story. My situation is similar in that this is the second round, and my wife wants to work things out but I’m at the point where I’m unable to do so. The area where our stories depart is that I had to discover my wife’s affair and fling by myself. My wife tried to keep them a secret both times. In March 2009 she told me she was leaving me out of the blue. I was devastated. I suspected there was more to the story than what she was telling me. It took some time but I uncovered proof of the affair and confronted her with the information. She confirmed it was an affair. It lasted 5 months and we were very close to divorce considering she was living with the other man. Somehow we got back together and reconciled. This latest incident I found the night before Christmas eve. She left her facebook account open on the laptop and when I went to use the computer there was an instant message alert flashing so I read it. It was from a male friend where she had been discussing her “fling” with another guy and trying to get his opinion on the matter. Once again I was devastated.

She tried to explain what happened and apologized, but honestly what she told me that happened didn’t match up with what I read in her conversation with the other male friend. I believe she was trying to cover up everything.

Another thing I don’t get is the constant deception. I managed to copy the Facebook conversation and email it to myself prior to informing her I knew what she had done. When she apologized she said she wanted to “earn” my trust. Well after I emailed the copied conversation I forgot to log out if my email account due to circumstances. I found out the next day she went into my email account and deleted the emails. How does that “earn” any trust??? I asked her why she did so, and for a split second i could tell she wanted to deny knowing anything about the deleted emails, but finally her response was she didn’t want me reading that, and wanted to work on moving past it. I asked her why she didn’t just request ME to delete it. Her only response was “would you have deleted them”?

Sorry for the ramble. Just so much on my mind. It helps to type my story here and get it out.

Trevor, may I ask what the other circumstances were in your marriage that enabled the annulment? If you would prefer not to share I understand.

When I spoke with my pastor in 2009 I got the impression the fact that my marriage was sexless would be a strong reason for an annulment. I realize the tribunal makes that determination but I would hope my pastor would steer me in the right direction.

Hi Joe. Sorry to hear such news. May the love and trust between you and your wife be strong again. I ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

How did I find out? Well, we came home from an evening of eating out at a restaurant and driving around looking at Christmas lights. I sat down and picked up the laptop to check a few things. She appearantly had been using the laptop earlier in the day, and forgot to log out of her facebook account. A male friend she had been having a conversation with had sent her an instant message, and it was blinking on the screen. I checked it out quickly and read where my wife had been discussing her “fling” with this facebook friend.

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