Wife Needs to Wear Veil at Mass


For several months I’ve been trying to tell my wife that she needs to cover her hair at Mass. She asked me why. I said because her hair can be a turn-on to other men, a distraction, and can also cause her to be prideful about her appearance. She said she wasn’t prideful, didn’t care if other men were turned on by her hairdo, and that she has a common hairstyle and it should not be a distraction. I said that St. Paul told women to cover their bare heads. She said she didn’t care what St. Paul said.

I finally told her that I would not sit with her at Mass if she did not cover her hair and she told me that was fine, but that our boys would still sit with her. I told her they would sit with me except the baby.

I am having a really hard time with her flagrant immodesty, and her refusal to submit to my authority as the spiritual head of our home. It’s not like I’m asking her to go to Mass in a burqa! I’m just asking her to show some reverence for our Lord by covering her head at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Am I unreasonable?

I will admit we’ve had our problems lately. I don’t want to be a beast, but I think it’s important and I also think it’s important for her to obey me in spiritual ways.


Veiling is not required for Catholic women during Mass. If your wife feels called to veil, she’ll do it. There’s no need to feel personally offended.

A marriage should be an equal partnership; although the husband is the spiritual leader, it doesn’t give him the right to tell his wife how she should dress or punish her for not doing what he wants. So long as she’s not showing up to Mass in a halter top, you ought to be happy she’s attending (many married Catholic couples don’t even get that).

Besides, if she’s not veiled outside of Mass, what’s to stop her from being a “distraction” to other men while she’s shopping at Wal-Mart or picking the kids up from school?

Bottom line, yes, you’re being unreasonable if this would cause you not to even sit with her at Mass…:shrug:

Ok, I’ll bite…at the risk of feeding… anyways: Yes, you’re being unreasonable. Your wife doesn’t have to wear a veil at Mass. Nor does she have to do everything you say, just because you say it. She is your wife, not your child. Have you discussed this matter with your priest yet?

You are her husband not the Pope .I can just imagine your sons growing up taking advantage that they are the spiritual head (s) of the family and trying to punish their wives by denying them husbands company during Mass.You are a bully .You are also jealous of your wife,It makes me wonder where your eyes are during Mass do you get so easily distracted ?maybe you are looking for an excuse to sit apart from your wife so you can ogle other women and blame it on her , hope she sits on the other side of the Church for the rest of her life

In a word: YES. You are being unreasonable. As a Catholic woman, she is not required to cover her head at Mass. If SHE feels called to do it, SHE may choose to do so, but it does not make her immodest or any less Catholic for choosing not to. And she certainly shouldn’t face ridicule from her husband for that choice.

You are the spiritual head of your family. That does not mean you can boss your wife around. That does not give you “permission” to threaten not to sit with her at Mass if she won’t obey your commands. That is not what the spiritual head does.

Yes! You are definitely being unreasonable and you are sounding like a control freak no offense. If you continue behaving like this, your wife will rebel against you no matter chance she gets.

Sure the bibe says Wives be submissive to your husband BUT the bible also says Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church.

Controlling or manipulating someone is not love at all.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love your wife first. Try to make her see the importance of wearing a veil in a nice way not in a controlling way. and if she still insist in not wearing it, then you should respect her decision. Have a blessed holy week! God bless

In a word… YES!

I am tempted not to believe this post as being legit. If it is, I would highly suggest that you seek counseling over your control issues.

Is this a traditional Latin Mass? Are other women veiled? Have you asked your priest about refusing to sit with your wife if she doesn’t wear a veil? Try asking him, I would be curious what he would say to that idea.

The only way what you are saying is not unreasonable is if you are attending a TLM where the rule is that women be veiled. However, Catholicism does not require this. This a verse written by St Paul on modesty meant to be read in the historical context it was written.

Agreed. You’re being unreasonable. Sorry.

What country are you in?

Trolling again?

Is this a joke??? I can’t help but think you are just purposely writing this to get a reaction from women.

Wouldn’t be the first time

Yep. He’s at it again. But at least he’s not posting as his “wife” this time: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=657848&highlight=patricia&page=2


Okay. You’re going to get a reaction from me, even though I usually make a rule to not feed trolls. From the very nature of your post, that is what I think it is going on here in all reality.

If I were your wife, I would refuse to sit with you at Mass for this sort of overbearing and controlling attitude. Finding myself in a position to have to obey my husband who has somehow gotten the notion into his head that he is lord and master would be far too distracting to me in prayer.

Yes, you are being unreasonable, uncharitable, and it is all too painfully obvious that you failed to read and understand the rest of the passage in Philippians.

Your wife is not required to veil at Mass, not even in the Extraordinary Form, although most women do veil there. It is still not a requirement of the Catholic Church, and furthermore, I have a news flash for you: She can even go to an Extraordinary Form Mass wearing slacks without violating any teachings of the magisterium! Things such as veiling and wearing skirts are devotions, not dogmas. Unless she is a hair model, I doubt she is that much of a distraction to other men.

If you are serious about being the spiritual head of your family (and by the way, that is meant in a sacrificial sense, not in a dictatorial sense,) I would strongly suggest that you attend to your own catechesis before imposing your attitudes on your family. To be called immodest for not adhering to a private devotion is offensive to all Catholic women of good will and sound catechesis.

Where is the like this button

You, sir, make a mockery of our faith. You list yourself as Catholic, and have spent your entire time here in obvious baiting and trolling, attempting to draw out anger and stress from faithful Catholics. And, on Good Friday too. Perhaps you have received your reward in full, I would think. Shame on you, whoever you are.

:rolleyes: Not falling for it… Lol

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