Started coming back into communion with the Church past several years. Been civilly married to my wife for 5+ years. Have had both girls (2 under 6yo) baptized in the Catholic Church, started going to weekly mass this year, more regular confession, almost daily rosary, lots of vices/deficiencies still struggle with but working on it.
Earlier this year resolved to get married in the Church, wife was open to it, parish priest did not require us to do marriage prep given the length of our civil union and I didn’t push him to, so he’s not entirely culpable(we may have given off a different perception of what we both knew of the Catholic faith). He ran us through the requirements, one of them being ‘open to children’, wife didn’t have any problems at the time. We abstained leading up to it, wife didn’t have any problems with that. Had the sacrament of marriage this summer.
We finally had the contraception talk, much too late, my fault, I know, after she told me she changed her mind and no longer was open to a 3rd+ child. Historically she has said anywhere from 2-4, often 3 or 4 and hasn’t been on a contraceptive since our first child. She freaked out, called me a crazy Catholic, we talked about a bunch of things(basis of morality, examples in trans-mutilation, abortion etc)(we had sadly done contraception and cohabitated prior to civil marriage). Apparently she thought she’d already been ‘open to children’ since she’d given us 2 kids and thought that was the entirety of what it meant. She says she wouldn’t have gotten ‘church married’ if she knew thats what it was going to be like, even though I told her I would have started practicing that(no-contraception) regardless. The sacramental marriage was in part, so we could be intimate morally, for me even if she doesn’t understand that or believe in that. She is not currently open to NFP.
Anyway I know I made many mistakes in bringing my wife along in the faith and being open to what I believe and values I need to hold, even endangering the validity of our sacramental marriage. Now she is still friendly, loving and things are ‘normal’ except at night, not that we were regularly intimate with small kids etc, but knowing that she has shut herself off and no longer wants to be intimate or open to the possibility given potential ‘consequences’ makes it hard. Was really hard the first couple nights, after she falls asleep I’ve taken to saying a rosary till I fall asleep, working to be a good husband and father in the daytime.
Just venting I guess, fully aware of my culpability in arriving here