We have been married for 20+ years, and our family is faithfully and actively Catholic. We have five children, with a two in college and youngest in sixth grade.
When we were married, my wife was 120 lbs., but she has not managed her eating and exercise, and her weight has steadily increased over the years. Currently, she is obese at nearly twice the weight on our wedding day. All the weight has caused her health to suffer, I believe, as she has had pneumonia once, and is frequently catching colds and the flu more than anyone in the family.
As she added weight, snoring became regular, and I could not get a good night’s rest in the same bed. We have not slept in the same bed for five years, which has significantly curtailed our love life.
As far as we know, she has no medical issues that would prevent our impair weight loss. Diabetes runs in her family and mine, and she is all too aware of the health issues associated with the disease. So far, no signs of it in her health.
She has tried dieting and exercise, but has never fully committed to managing her weight, and has never succeeded, but not for lack of support.
She has always been a stay-at-home mom. As the kids are older / away, she has plenty of time for many. We have an eliptical machine in our basement that she almost never uses. We bought a house on a large park, and are only a three minute walk from a fully-equipped YMCA.
We have talked consistently about he weight and health, and have made many “new starts,” all of which have produced no improvement.
I don’t feel wanted as a husband, and have begun to feel like I represent little more than a steady paycheck to her. In addition, I am feeling like the only adult in this marriage, as her lack of self control has spilled over into money management and a reluctance to discipline our children.
I have talked to a marriage counselor and he recommended a “Healing Separation” to ease the strain on our marriage and attempt to generate a positive change. I’m leaning toward this as it seems a reasonable step for us.
I’d like to hear your thoughts and ideas.