Wife of a candidate Deacon


#1

My husband is due to be ordained. We have an interview with the Archbishop. What are the questions that the Archbishop is likely to ask me as the wife of a candidate deacon?


#2

[quote="Wendy_Jaye, post:1, topic:234128"]
My husband is due to be ordained. We have an interview with the Archbishop. What are the questions that the Archbishop is likely to ask me as the wife of a candidate deacon?

[/quote]

I would suspect he'd ask things along the following lines:

  1. Are you willing to support your husband in his ministry, understanding that he may be called on at inconvenient times to work in his ministry?

  2. Do you fully agree to allow your husband to be ordained?

  3. Do you accept each and every Catholic doctrine?

  4. Are you willing to live a chaste life in accordance with your state in life?


#3

Just to clarify the above post since you are new here and may not be aware, chaste life does not mean abstinence, but simply following the teachings of the Church in regards to sex within the bounds of marriage. Sometimes people get confused about that.


#4

[quote="PatrickSebast, post:3, topic:234128"]
Just to clarify the above post since you are new here and may not be aware, chaste life does not mean abstinence, but simply following the teachings of the Church in regards to sex within the bounds of marriage. Sometimes people get confused about that.

[/quote]

Great clarification but I would modify it slightly.

"Chaste life does not mean abstinence, but simply following the teachings of the Church in regards to sex within" the state of life you are living. Single life, no sex. Married life, sex within "the bounds of marriage".

We are all called to live Chastly.


#5

[quote="ByzCath, post:4, topic:234128"]
Great clarification but I would modify it slightly.

"Chaste life does not mean abstinence, but simply following the teachings of the Church in regards to sex within" the state of life you are living. Single life, no sex. Married life, sex within "the bounds of marriage".

We are all called to live Chastly.

[/quote]

Very true, I didn't mean to imply otherwise, I was just addressing her specific situation.


#6

The following is what is posted on my diocese's diaconate website regarding wives.

The following considerations depend on your marital status:
If you are married:

  • You must be in a stable Catholic marriage of five years or longer. Neither you nor your wife may have been married before. Questions regarding divorce and annulment situations are reviewed on a case-by-case basis.

  • You must have the willing support of your wife.

  • Your wife must be willing to take an active part in those parts of the program required of wives.

  • If your wife is Catholic, she too must be active in and in good standing with the Church and your parish. At a minimum, this means:
    o She is faithful in attending Mass and regular in Confession.
    o Prayer is integral to her life.
    o She has a relationship with Jesus.
    o She accepts and supports the Church in her teachings.

  • If your wife is not Catholic, she must live the witness of a good Christian life.

  • If you have older children at home, they must be supportive of you in pursuing the diaconate.

  • If you have younger children, it is best if they are at least in the latter years of grammar school. Young children at home do not necessarily preclude admission to the program, but they are a very serious consideration since your first vocation is to your family.

  • Your spouse must understand and accept that, should she precede you in death, you ordinarily are not free to re-marry.


#7

[quote="Wendy_Jaye, post:1, topic:234128"]
My husband is due to be ordained. We have an interview with the Archbishop. What are the questions that the Archbishop is likely to ask me as the wife of a candidate deacon?

[/quote]

Wendy:

That's between you and the archbishop.

Most of the suggestions posted here are questions you should have entertained BEFORE he was admitted to formation, or at the early part of formation.

I would suggest to you that it's better (for the process) to meet with the archbishop without rehearsing answers to questions ahead of time. Or trying to obtain from others what he might ask.

It's your job to be transparent and honest with the archbishop. It's his job to determine whether he should promote your husband to holy orders.

It's not like applying for a job. If your husband has been properly formed, and if you understand the sacrifices a family makes, the interviews will go fine.

Remember a vocation is a two-step process: a man, who feels called, submitting himself to the Church to be formed (step one). Step two is the Church confirming the vocation is real (the bishop's job).

God bless,


#8

[quote="PatrickSebast, post:3, topic:234128"]
Just to clarify the above post since you are new here and may not be aware, chaste life does not mean abstinence, but simply following the teachings of the Church in regards to sex within the bounds of marriage. Sometimes people get confused about that.

[/quote]

Have you read this?-

catholicvote.org/discuss/index.php?p=12987


#9

[quote="Seatuck, post:8, topic:234128"]
Have you read this?-

catholicvote.org/discuss/index.php?p=12987

[/quote]

Until the Bishops start including a consent to this canon in the ordination process, I don't see how it can be enforced or binding. It would have to be a double consent, the wife would have to consent to it, "for his body is not his own" after marriage.

If the canon was confirmed and the consent was required at ordinations, I wouldn't have a problem with it.


#10

[quote="Seatuck, post:8, topic:234128"]
Have you read this?-

catholicvote.org/discuss/index.php?p=12987

[/quote]

Yes I have, and the Church disagrees with his opinion. The Church does not promote or require a married man to abandon his marital state to be ordained to the diaconate.

This is sometimes used as the smoking gun to show that the office of permanent deacon is ilicit or against tradition.


#11

[quote="whm, post:9, topic:234128"]
Until the Bishops start including a consent to this canon in the ordination process, I don't see how it can be enforced or binding. It would have to be a double consent, the wife would have to consent to it, "for his body is not his own" after marriage.

If the canon was confirmed and the consent was required at ordinations, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[/quote]

As most know, the wife is required to sign a document of consent, but not to perpetual or perfect continence; consent to allow the bishop to ordain her husband into the diaconate.


#12

My husband, too, is due to be ordained. Is anyone struggling with the role of the "wife of the deacon"? I am very active in the parish, but our pastor is concerned with the perception of the 'deacon couple' - and justifiably so... I'm not the one being ordained, and he has a vocation as a deacon... but does that mean that I am relegated to the kitchen?


#13

happened to be at lunch with all the deacons and their wives and the discussion among the ladies was very candid. The thing wives must understand is that whatever duties the deacon will have inevitably have impact on you and your family. If he is expected to be at several weekend Masses, available for weddings, funerals and baptisms etc. that means time he is not available for the family. If he is involved in marriage preparation that almost inevitably means you may be drawn into it as well if only for record keeping and communication. I strongly urge wives of candidates to speak with all the deacons' wives you can find and get their feedback. All without exception have said it has had impact on their family lives they never anticipated. By "deacon couple" I think pastors mean the perception on part of parishioners that the deacon's wife should make herself available and be actively involved in ministry herself, which can become an unjustified burden. You also have to understand what part of their preparation you are required to attend--monthly classes, retreats etc.


#14

This is what I think the bishop will ask you:

"If train y leaves the station at 3:00 pm traveling at 30 mph and train x leaves the station traveling 45 mph at what point will train x hit train y?"

:D

Just kidding! I don't know but good luck with your interview. Hope I brought a smile to your face.


#15

I am the wife of a deacon and while it has been 16 years, I don’t recall even being interviewed by the bishop. I know he was. I was interviewed by the head of deacons and his wife who was in charge of deacons wives. We had a casual conversation about the life of a deacon, about our marriage, our children and how I felt about being a wife of a deacon.

I was very honest and said I didn’t want to be known as “the deacon’s wife.” I had my own ministries that I was very active in and was studying for my MA in theology (which would put me educationally above my husband since diaconate formation at that time was not for graduate credit). I made it clear that just because my husband was involved in a specific ministry then that did not mean I would do it also just because I am his wife. I told her I would support him fully in his ministry and that since his job sometimes took him away from the family that diaconate work would not be much of a burden to the family.

She liked my answers. Years later I was asked to work in diaconate formation and gave talks to candidates wives. I made it clear to them that their husband was being ordained, not them, and that they should not feel forced to do anything that they were uncomfortable doing or did not want to do (like baptism ministry or CCD). This eased a lot of the women’s fears. Some women enjoy the attention of being the “deacon’s wife” and I am sure they like to be involved totally with their husband’s ministry.

I do some retreat work with my husband but other than that he has his ministry and I have mine. We even minister in different parishes, me for pay and he as an unpaid deacon.

Oh, in my interviews no one ever asked me if I went to confession or anything about our sex life, but they did ask if we had any problems in our marriage and how our children would be impacted by their father being a deacon.


closed #16

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