Last night my wife and I got into the worst fight I could have ever imagined us getting into. We married a few months ago and moved to her part of the state, and see her family on a regular basis (usually twice a week if not more). My family is 2 hours away, but we are still there often enough. She and my sister have butted heads a few times, and its hurting her more than I seem to grasp. My sister would like to have us over and do something, just the four of us (us and our spouses), and my wife won’t. She asked me to respect her decision, as she is very warm and polite to my sister everytime they interact at my parents’, or there is any kind of a get together over here. But she does not enjoy her company and feels uneasy due to some conflict that has occurred between them in the past.
After four conflict-free months, I had hoped this would just go away and she would get over it, or talk to my sister about how she was feeling, but my wife isnt doing either. I have had a lot of resentment building up over this, due to the fact that I have readily been there every time she’s wanted to do something with her family. Last night, I asked her again if we could go over, and when she said no, I told her I’d start attending less of her family get-togethers (there was a play we were going to see with her mother and sisters, and I said she could go by herself).
This erupted into a huge fight where she accused me of threatening her, she sobbed and said she didnt understand why this was so important to me - she was nice to my sister when they had to interact, and she always said I was free to go myself. She said I was forcing her to spend time with someone she didnt want to spend time with.
Looking back, it was spiteful of me to do that, and I’ve apologized. I just wanted to make her see what it was doing to me. She always says “I just need time” while months and months go by (a similar thing happened during our engagement that lasted months), and I think “It’s so easy for you to say that; when in the meantime, I’m at your family stuff, I’m always there. It’s business as usual on your end of it, so you can take all the time you need.” I wanted her to know how I’m feeling. I felt terrible seeing her cry. But at the same time, I feel torn. And its hard not to feel some unfairness. I love my sister, and I hoped we’d be able to hang out, all four of us, and get along.
Am I being wrong in feeling this?