Wife wants to remain Mormon

We were baptized in that church a year ago. I came to realize that it is a fraud. I’m a journalist, so I ask many questions all the time. But my wife wants to stay a Mormon, even though she had already told me she wanted to go back to the Catholic Church, our true home.

I don’t know what to do. This is so serious for us, that she has considered separation. We have two little children, we are married in the Catholic Church… I know she doesn’t believe half of the Mormon doctrines, but she does believe in all the “eternal families” stuff, and she loves the social aspect of that cult.

Do you have any advice?

En Cristo,
Pablo

Just love your wife without having any expectations of her. Let her see what you hope for her to do, but don’t expect her to do anything to merit that love, including going back to the Church. If you do that, she will be able to see the power of the Catholic faith through your actions.

Above all, let yourself feel sorrow before you let yourself feel anger.

Pablo,

I am keeping you and your wife in prayer. Have peace in the Lord.

Also, you should study more the Catholic teachings of marriage, and Catholic spirituality. There is a book out by Ralph Martin, ‘The Fulfillment of All Desire’, and it is a favorite of seminarians. Martin gives history and teachings of various saints on the road to perfection, based on the Eucharist and the image of Christ as Groom, Church as Bridegroom. He speaks of marriage, of Christ centered friendships.

You should indeed return to the sacraments. Study your Catholic faith. And stay faithful to your wife.

Was it St Francis who said, “Preach the Gospel, use words if necessary?”

Your wife will feel the attraction to the Catholic Church through your life and how the fullness of the Life of Christ is reflected in you.

A Russian saint, Seraphim of Sarov said, “Acquire the Spirit of Peace and a thousand souls will be converted around you.”

Be very faithful to prayer and scripture-reading and don’t be afraid to be demonstrative in making the Sign of the Cross etc.

God will use you in strengthening not only your wife in the faith, but also you yourself and others around you.

Be at peace and strive for God.

Alex

Pablo, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. However, you must be true to yourself, so perhaps the best thing is to assure your wife of your love, but insist that you cannot remain in that church. If you find a good catholic fellowship, then through the grace of God and your example she may come to see where she really needs to be. Above all else you have to pray for her and your children, I will keep you all in my prayers.
God bless you all

Perhaps you just need to give her some time, patience, and prayer.
If she is skeptical about Mormon belief, chances are that sometime in the future, she’ll continue to distance herself from it intellectually, especially if you continue to talk to her about mainstream Christianity.

If she is relatively skeptical about what Mormonism really believes, she’ll end up leaving on her own when she is ready. Just continue praying for her, loving her, and revealing to her the truth and she’ll slowly but surely walk out on her own.

Perhaps part of it is the embarrassment of switching churches and then switching back. If that’s so it could resolve itself with time.

Pablo, leaving Mormonism is for some a quick cut-off, don’t look back, kind of experience. For others, it is a process that takes time. Give her the freedom and room she needs to exit in her way. Pray for her. God will guide her. Invite her to Mass so she knows she is welcome, but you don’t need to push it if/when she declines. Pray the rosary with her.

A 3 stranded cord is not easily broken … proverbs.
Christ is one, you are two, your wife is three. Pray that Christ will complete the good work that he began in your wife… he is faithful to complete what he started… and present you all unstained at his glorious throne!! Pray that you will be cleansed of unbelief and able to stand firm in your battle against satan.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against wicked spirits. Put on the whole armor of God so that you can stand against the lies of the enemy. Put on the helmet of salvation which is Christ… the breastplate of righteousness … the belt of truth … the shoes of the gospel if peace. Take up the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit … And stab that old devil in the heart!

The power of life and death are in the tongue. Pray. Speak scriptures like the following into your wife’s life.
No weapon forged against you can prosper … it must surrender into your hands. and … When satan comes in to steal, kill and destroy … Like a flood the Lord will raise up his standard of love and power against him. Perfect love drives out all fear and confusion. Pray Gods perfect love over your family. Pray specifically that the eyes of your wife’s heart will be opened and that she will be given wisdom and understanding of the deception by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Plant seeds of righteousness and expect success no matter what… do not ever look at the circumstances … no matter what the enemy tries to throw at you. God loves your Wife with an eternal love and he will answer your prayers.

It is not Gods will that anyone should perish and experience the second death for all eternity. Your prayers as a husband have great power with God… You are her covering in the same way that Christ covers the Church. Fast regularly. It intensifies the power of prayer. Pray regularly, daily, fervently, faithfully. God hears the prayers of a righteous man … and if he hears … he answers… do not … under any circumstances, give up. Dont give in to discouragement and … most importantly … dont nag! It is the Holy spirit that convicts and it is his kindness that leads us all to repentance. Remain faithful fight the good fight and persevere. Listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit … he will show you what to do. You will be richly rewarded!!

I agree with phoooiee that you should not put pressure on your wife. Leave it to time and God’s grace. But are some things you can do. I am going to make an educated guess that since you joined the LDS Church in the first place, that there was some dearth of spiritual fulfillment that you and your wife experienced as Catholics. If so, the most important thing to do might be to address that first. You will know better than I.

You do say that your wife is attracted to the notion of eternal families. I think the single best kept secret in dialogue with Mormons today is that the Catholic Church has a far more profound and spiritually satisfying understanding of the family than Mormonism. Not even a serious contest. Here is one book and another book that can show you why. If you could do some reading and praying on this subject, it would give you something to speak to your wife about, and perhaps she might read these texts herself. If your wife wants to experience family life in its deepest Christian dimensions, that poses an opportunity to share with her the beauty of Catholic teaching over and against its Mormon imitation.

Obviously, I don’t pretend to know your situation enough to give dogmatic advice; I am just suggesting a general direction you might want to consider.

*For to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in such cases. But God hath called us in peace. For how knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband ? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife ? *
1 Corinthians 7:12-16

Just a practical piece of advice. Don’t push your wife into a corner. Her journey is between her and God. The Holy Spirit has plans for her. Let the Holy Spirit lead her and you be a loving support.

I agree with Helen, Pablo. Don’t make it an issue in your marriage. Trying to shove anything down another person’s throat never works and just causes resentment.

Go back to Mass. Let her do the Mormon thing. If she is that skeptical about most LDS doctrines, eventually she will come around. Mormonism has a foundation of quicksand. She will see that.

You both are fortunate that you have only been in it for a year.
Just love her and don’t make it an issue.

And that whole “eternal families” thingy. It’s kind of twisted thinking. They make it sounds as if other denominations some how believe that the rest of us will stop associating with our loved ones in the next life.

Well guess what? My mother will still be my mother, my sister will be my sister etc etc.
Why? Because I love them. What is God gonna do? Tell me “WAIT NOW. You are in heaven and I forbid you to love them. I forbid you to see them as members of your family”

Love is what binds human beings to God and to each other. Not some sort of religious rite done in a building by an illicit form of priesthood.

Soren…thanks for bringing up the books…many young couples are turning to Pope John Paul on the Theology of the Body.

I really like your comments, Marie…they are so full of the Holy Spirit…that your bond with your mother and father and other siblings does not break. God wants all our relations together.

Read Isaiah Bennett’s Inside Mormonism. Leave it lying around for your wife to “discover.” He also wrote another book: When Mormons Call – Answering Mormon Missionaries At Your Door that is very useful and practical. Both these books will help you understand how and why you found Mormonism persuasive.

Bennett was a Catholic priest who became a Mormon in the throes of depression. He taught Mormonism for two years in Salt Lake City when he realized the fraud and returned to the Catholic Church. He is very fair to Mormonism, but truthful.

He has some articles on the Internet on Mormonism. Just google his name.

Jim Dandy

I’ve read Bennett’s Inside Mormonism. It was very amusing, and although he tries to be fair (or at least believes that he is being fair), in reality, he contradicts himself in multiple places, uses arguments against caricatures, uses arguments of other people (the Tanners) without citation (old arguments that have been refuted at that, arguments with factual/historical errors), etc. The review also includes excerpts from Bennett’s recorded testimony after his conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ, and it is very interesting how he contradicts that testimony in his own book (such as describing LDS testimonies as subjective, vague “feelings”, yet his description of his own testimony previously was anything but that).

Here is an extensive Latter-day Saint review of his two books that shows the various errors of his books, and why they really aren’t problematic or convincing for a Latter-day Saint.

Hello Pablo,

Your posting saddened me. This must be a very difficult time for your family. My advice is:

  1. Do not pressure your wife
  2. Pray for her
  3. Seek out other Catholics in your area who have left the LDS

She already mentioned that she wants to return to the Church. Sounds like she has made the decision but the letting go can be difficult. The social connections will be harder for her to sever and the Mormons are great at cultivating that aspect.

**ASK ST.MONICA FOR HELP - PATRON ST OF WIVES AND CONVERSION

Exemplary Mother of the great Augustine, you perseveringly pursued your wayward son not with wild threats but with prayerful cries to heaven.
Intercede for all mothers in our day so that they may learn to draw their children to God. Teach them how to remain close to their children, even the prodigal sons and daughters who have sadly gone astray. Amen.**

Praying for you.

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