ive have been browsing around the forum for some time, both here and in Australia. I am hesitant to throw problems out for everyone to see, but mine seems unresovable. My problem is that i am a professional diver, contracted out to oil companies, salvage companies, you name it, i dive for it. this may lead me to be away for a month or more from time to time. about once a year.
about 7 months ago, i went to australia for 6 weeks to dive for a company based there to help recover lost sonar equipment. it was a very deep dive, and the hazard pay alone was enough to cover an entire year for my wife and i.
every dive like that, we must get a physical, urine samples, ect, even a prostate exam, which our company physician requires a “no sex” period of 2 weeks.
my wife is exactly 7 months pregnant, and being that we did not have sexual relations from 2 weeks before i left, to after i returned, i cant be the father. my doctor agrees as well.
divers like myself often have very, very low fertility during work months because of the enormous pressures at large depths. my doc told me i have about a 1 in 10,000 chance of being able to father a child after a serious dive.
it wasnt about until about a month ago, when the OB told us exactly how far along she was, i realized that i couldnt be the father. i said that it is not possible. once i told her that i was a deep diver, and when i was in australia, the look on her face was enough to tell me. up until then i assumed she was around 4 or 5 months, and was very happy to be getting another diver on the way.
my wife finally admitted to having an affair 2 weeks after i left for australia. ts not like i am away all the time, in fact i am home quite alot. its just sporadic periods of heavy work. she says she was just “weak”. i was devastated, and i left home for about 2 weeks to stay with a diver buddy of mine in texas. i
i have since returned home, and have begun to try to reconcile this. she wants to keep (care for) the baby, however, i do not want to raise a child that is the result of an affair. as i see it, the man wo she had an affair with should be responsible. we have talked separation, however, she does not work, so id have to pay child support fror a child that is not mine.
i do consider myself a striving catholic, however i think my limit has been reached. i simply do not want to raise a child that was conceived from her lack of judgement and complete betrayal.
my local preist has suggested professional counseling, which i have and am doing.
reconciliation does not seem possible because she is deat set on raising the child in our home, and i refuse. it seems like my choices are 1) singe the rest of my life, or 2) raise a child that is my wife’s and another man’s. is there any way that this can be resolved?