Wife's Lack of Spirituality


Long story so I will make it as brief as I can. I found out a few months ago that my wife had been having an emotional affair with a co-worker, it did turn physical as well. We have 4 children and needless to say I was EXTREMELY depressed. She at one point told me that she married me for the wrong reasons. That she loves me but is not in love with me. We have been going to counseling and still attend mass together. It has been many, many years since she has gone to confession and she does not go to communion. She tells me that she doesn’t know what she believes anymore. That she has always done things because of what other people thought but not her own thoughts. Things have been getting better to a point. She has since told me that she is “jealous” of my spirituality and that part of her doesn’t know if the Catholic faith is where she needs to be. We are both catholic. Part of me thinks that this whole thing stems from her lack of a relationship with God. She has never been very spiritual and I doubt she would understand if she was being spiritual or having a moment with God. I want to help her with this. I want to show her how much God and I both love and care for her. I don’t have any idea how to help her with this. Does anyone have any ideas? Could you PLEASE pray for her/us and our marriage. Thanks


By all means.

And ask the Holy Prophet Hosea for his intercessions. (As you know, his wife was not exactly a model of connubial fidelity.)


Prayers for you both. I can offer no advice other than to continue to show her what it really means to be a light to the world as you already are. Please offer the suffering and pain you feel to Jesus, because it won’t be wasted suffering. In fact, from what I read about suffering its one of the closest ways to connect to God, I wish I had citations for you, maybe someone here does. I have been trying to absorb so much information in such a short time, I tend to forget where I read what I do.


I will certainly keep you and your wife in my prayers. Hang in there. With God all things are possible.

A number of things come to mind. Are you seeing a **Catholic **counselor? That can make a big difference. Sometimes you can find people who are also trained in pastoral counseling. And you might want to confide in a good priest and ask for his spiritual guidance.

Some practical things. Try to pray together every day. The Rosary would be a great way to start, and there are booklets that you can use that guide you through the mysteries. The short, one-paragraph meditations can really help, and the pictures do, too, especially when one is feeling dry.

Enthrone your home to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. This has been especially effective in helping families. Check out these two sites:



Jesus revealed 15 promises to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, whose feast day we just celebrated on October 16th, for those who are devoted to His Sacred Heart:


Spend more time on your own prayer life, though not to the neglect of your relationship with your wife. Daily prayer, meditation, and spiritual reading will help you grow in your relationship with God. Try to go to daily Mass if you can. Sign up for Adoration (if they have it at your parish or a nearby parish), to do a holy hour once a week. But really talk to God. Pour your heart out to him. Continue to pray for your wife and her conversion, especially through the intercession of the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph.

I would follow the advice of your counselor, but perhaps he would suggest trying to cultivate more romance in your relationship with your wife. Here is a good website:


You also might consider going on a special retreat with your wife. Check out Retrouvaille:


I think that if you try some of these things, you can open yourself to be more of a channel of grace in your wife’s life. Try to find peace for yourself first. Surrender to God, trusting in His guidance and mercy. If your wife has been jealous of your spirituality, then the more you grow in love for God, the more she will see it and want it, and the more you can love her, too.

But be sure to consult with a Catholic counselor and a good priest. What I’m saying are just suggestions.

If you want to find a Catholic counselor/therapist:


You are in my prayers!

I am in a similar situation with a wife and 3 children who are also deeply influenced by our secular media and society and have little or no relationship with Jesus.

I am often inspired by St. Monica, wife of a pagan and mother of St. Augustine. She prayed unceasingly for over 20 years and her son became a Bishop and a great Doctor of the Church after many years of sin.

Read Augustine’s Confessions, it is incredible.

Pray unceasingly and be an example of God’s love.
Jesus will do the rest!!



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