Will I be able to date my senior year?


#1

Assuming I will be going to seminary right after high school to discern Gods calling for me...

I am a Freshman about to be a sophomore. And I was wondering if I should date at all really?

I mean, I really have a small 'hope' I will become a priest, and I am looking forward to it, but I also understand that if Jesus is not calling me, then I should not keep on going against his will.

But I am discerning Gods will for me to be a priest. I was wondering if I should date at all? Or if so, when is the right time to stop looking? I assumed my senior year since that is when I will be applying to go to seminary with my diocese.


#2

You’re not in seminary. Why not date?


#3

Please date. Learn how to be a good date. Learn how to be respectful and respected whether you become a priest or not. So many males and females are running around not knowing how to date--they just "hook up". Learn how to have a good time with anybody, not just someone you find attractive. Learn how to be mature and responsible.

If you marry, you can teach your kids how to be good on a date.

If you are single, you will never be too lonely; word will get around that you are fun on dates.

And if you become a priest you can give good counsel to young adults and teenagers.


#4

Our priest told us that before one decides to discern marriage (ie: date), they should discern to make certain they do not have a religious vocation. It is natural for us to want to get married; it's in our nature. Since dating is a precursor to marriage, you should not date unless you are 100% ready to get married, settle down and raise a family.


#5

I guess the word “date” has several meanings. But I think a priest would be so much wiser as a priest if he actually knew how to take a girl out on a date. My sister went to her prom with a seminarian and he is now a very good monsignor. (And my sister is eternally grateful since he was handsome and impressed the others.)


#6

I was at a diocesan reception for a new auxiliary bishop once and a woman came up to him and said "Bishop do you remember me? You took me to the senior prom."


#7

I am of the opinion that the only reason to date is to discern marriage, so if you're going to go to seminary, then do that. Don't date. Then if you end up not becoming a priest, go forth and date. If you're going to be a priest, however, dating is useless. Sorry, I think it is. Why waste time dating a girl you're not going to marry? I don't think it helps you develop any special understanding for the opposite sex, nor does it better your social skills. At best, it's a waste of time for a man who is thinking of becoming a priest. At worst, it is a near occasion of sin.


#8

In my opinion, since you are only a freshman in high school, at this point it would be okay for you to date. I guess yeah, it also depends on what you mean by "date" but I would describe it as getting to know a girl well and discerning whether or not God is calling you to marry her.

Now, as someone who is discerning their vocation and is looking at the priesthood, I probably wouldn't go to school every day looking for a girl to date. If God is calling you to marriage, then you will know if you should date a particular girl. Not that you are doing this but I know I have done that before, to some extent, so I guess I'm speaking from experience when I say that.

I'm sure all vocation directors ask candidates whether or not they have dated, and I think they like it when men have dated and discerned that it is not for them, that they are called to something else, but it is not an absolute must for applying for seminary. I sure hope not, since I, as a junior in college, have never dated and will be applying for seminary after I graduate.

In case you are not already, do whatever you can to get to know God better, such as daily Mass if possible, frequent confession, Eucharistic Adoration, time set aside for prayer, etc. To hear God's call in your life, you must know Him well; you must be familiar with the ways He speaks to you.

You, as well as all people discerning God's call in their life, are in my prayers! :thumbsup:


#9

[quote="Auntie_A, post:3, topic:322517"]
Please date. Learn how to be a good date. Learn how to be respectful and respected whether you become a priest or not. So many males and females are running around not knowing how to date--they just "hook up". Learn how to have a good time with anybody, not just someone you find attractive. Learn how to be mature and responsible.

If you marry, you can teach your kids how to be good on a date.

If you are single, you will never be too lonely; word will get around that you are fun on dates.

And if you become a priest you can give good counsel to young adults and teenagers.

[/quote]

[quote="Auntie_A, post:5, topic:322517"]
I guess the word "date" has several meanings. But I think a priest would be so much wiser as a priest if he actually knew how to take a girl out on a date.

[/quote]

I strongly agree with all of the above! :thumbsup:

[quote="Soren_Itenu, post:7, topic:322517"]
I don't think it helps you develop any special understanding for the opposite sex, nor does it better your social skills.

[/quote]

I cannot agree with either of these assertions. Dating can be a great way to learn to better communicate with other people, understanding other people and yourself more fully, and even to build long term friendships. But maybe you have a very different idea of dating than I do. :shrug:


#10

There is a nice married lady in my parish, who dated the associate priest in high school. He jokingly refers to her as his "last temptation". He is a wise and holy priest and she is a happliy married mom of three great children. Go date. :cool:


#11

One thing I would suggest is that when you start "dating" you go out as a group with several couples. That way you can have a good time without any pressure being alone with her.


#12

Meh. I just don't see the point of dating before marriage unless you're looking for a partner. However, dating after you're married is wonderful! I recommend that!


#13

[quote="JD27076, post:1, topic:322517"]
Assuming I will be going to seminary right after high school to discern Gods calling for me...

I am a Freshman about to be a sophomore. And I was wondering if I should date at all really?

I mean, I really have a small 'hope' I will become a priest, and I am looking forward to it, but I also understand that if Jesus is not calling me, then I should not keep on going against his will.

But I am discerning Gods will for me to be a priest. I was wondering if I should date at all? Or if so, when is the right time to stop looking? I assumed my senior year since that is when I will be applying to go to seminary with my diocese.

[/quote]

ok look you aren't in seminary yet you don't have to stay single. Not that this is what dating is supposed to be but try it out, don't not date girls because you think you are called to the priesthood. There is nothing wrong with dating before you enter seminary if you are discerning the celibate life. God isn't going to come down and knock you off your horse like Paul and tell you to be a priest, at-least probably not. We all have a natural desire to do what God calls to do, many times when you are discerning a certain type of life and you come into place God is calling you to, priesthood religious life or married life, you will feel a deep desire to do it, you will fall in love with the life. If you never try something you may never know if you had a desire for it.

God works in our life as follows I believe. We all follow a natural process of life we make decisions to do things, like we decide for a natural reason to go to a certain college, to go to a certain retreat and what ever. The Holy Spirit is like a good educated he allows us movementa nd freedom, but he works behind the scenes I guess you could say to lead us to where he wants us. Augustine talks about this in his confessions I don't remember the exact story but he said that he had natural reasons intellectual reasons to go to a certain place but it was God's will and God's providence that he meet ambrose. What you should take from this is don't be scared to try things to date and the like because god will work through your natural choices in life your natural process of life to bring you where he wants to bring you. Trust in him and stay close to him in prayer.

OH one other thing please have a spiritual director he will help you better then we can help you.


#14

[quote="Soren_Itenu, post:7, topic:322517"]
I am of the opinion that the only reason to date is to discern marriage, so if you're going to go to seminary, then do that. Don't date. Then if you end up not becoming a priest, go forth and date. If you're going to be a priest, however, dating is useless. Sorry, I think it is. Why waste time dating a girl you're not going to marry? I don't think it helps you develop any special understanding for the opposite sex, nor does it better your social skills. At best, it's a waste of time for a man who is thinking of becoming a priest. At worst, it is a near occasion of sin.

[/quote]

I understand what you are saying but he isn't in seminary yet and what is wrong with discerning married life before entering seminary? When you enter seminary you are committing yourself to intense discernment for priesthood, before that you aren't.

look if God is calling someone to the priesthood God will get that to work in his way, if there is a women who this man falls in love with and maybe thinks she could be a girl he could spend the rest of his life with, but at the same time he has a strong call to priesthood why should he avoid dating because he is discerning priesthood. Only those who are seminarians should avoid dating, there is no reason for someone not in seminary to not date.

I also think its wrong to think that it can be a near occasion of sin to date if you are discerning priesthood. IF you are truly in love with each other and you want what is best for each other you will help each other grow in holiness, and if he discerns priesthood and breaks up she knows that is what best for him and her because he believes its the will of God.

As I siad before God works through the natural process of our lives there is nothing wrong with someone who is thinking about priesthood (except those in seminary) to date. Same with Women who are discerning religious life.


#15

To make it very very clear I want to isolate this

get a spiritual director if you don't already have one he would probably be able to answer this question for you pretty easy.


#16

If you mistakenly discern marriage and get married, you can't get out of it.

If you mistakenly discern the priesthood, you have all of seminary etc to realize your mistake before your ordination.

The way I see it, it's just safer to go to seminary and realize you're not meant to be a priest, than to date, perhaps let your emotions cloud your judgment, get married, and then be stuck.

Or this...

Dating is not meant to discern marriage in general but rather marriage to the person you're dating. You shouldn't even start dating unless you already know you're called to marriage.


#17

I understand what you are getting at but if you are discerning the will of God, close to him in prayer you will know if God is calling you to do this life. If you sit back in fear of getting married by mistake you will never be certain if God is not calling you to marriage because you never tried it.

If you mistakenly discern the priesthood, you have all of seminary etc to realize your mistake before your ordination.

this is not exactly correct, you can go into seminary with discerning God’s call in the wrong way. For what ever reason you are able to fly under the radar at seminary, the formatters never realize that God really isn’t calling you, you go to the major seminary and then to ordination riding on a false emotion bad desire for the priesthood. You get ordained then you realize as a priest that you had a bad desire in deciding to become a priest, now you are stuck.

some of the examples are as follows

you struggled to get dates in high school in college so you think you should be a priest.
Your parents divorced and you had a bad father figure, you don’t think you could be a good father so you become a priest.
There are other bad desires for wanting to become a priest, and if you go at seminary formation in the wrong way they formatters may not notice your errors and your bad desire. Now granted they know what they are doing and they can pick those people of out of a crowd but there is no guarantee that they will find.

This is how I see it.

First and most importantly have a spiritual director he can get rid of these false desires if you are completely transparent with him.
Second and just as important be close to Christ in prayer and don’t hid anything from him.
Third God isn’t going to come down as a dove and tell you, you are called to be married you are called to religious life, or you are called to priesthood. God uses our natural decisions our natural process of living our life to do his will. So if you feel called to Marriage date and see if the life attracts you and if you are attracted to a certain women to live your life with. If you feel called to priesthood go visit seminaries talk to your vocation director and talk to priests. If you feel called to religious life research religious orders visit them and see if any of them attract you.

You need to be deliberate in your discernment don’t sit back and expect to know what God wants for you just because you sit in adoration for a couple of hours. You should pray and grow in relationship with Christ but for most people finding their calling actually takes going and seeing, stepping out of the boat so to say, or dropping everything and following him. You have to actively discern your call to what ever he is calling you to, not a passive

The way I see it, it’s just safer to go to seminary and realize you’re not meant to be a priest, than to date, perhaps let your emotions cloud your judgment, get married, and then be stuck.

your emotions can cloud your judgement in seminary too just because you are discerning religious life or priesthood doesn’t mean emotion can’t get into the way. Also just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean emotion will get in your way.

Or this…

Dating is not meant to discern marriage in general but rather marriage to the person you’re dating. You shouldn’t even start dating unless you already know you’re called to marriage.

I ask you this question if you never date someone can you really know if God is calling you to marriage?


#18

to the OP let me make this clear

Please have a spiritual director they will be able to help you more then we could ever help you through a message board.


#19

Yes, of course. People got married all the time throughout history without this dating scene thing we have now.


#20

Dating is part of life. I think you should date provided you follow the Christian dating rules. As in no sex until you are married etc. Plans change over time and it's important to experience the world as much as you can before making such a big decision. Plus it is important to realize that if the priesthood is your calling, it will eventually happen and the experiences you have now will only enrich it provided you are also careful with your decisions.


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