Will there be a problem?


#1

Hi,
I am a 20 year old male who lives on his own, and has seldom contact with family. My girlfriend and I had an accidnet while engaging in inappropriate levels of intimacy and she may have become pregnant. Both of us talked and said we will stay together no matter what happens and I want to marry her anyways. I am just wondering what the church does for unwed parents who want to get married in the church.


#2

That really depends on the priest. Some priests will allow you to marry in their parishes, others won't. For a lot of priests, it really depends on your circumstances.

The major problem with marrying when your intended is pregnant is free will. Your free will and hers can be compromised by the pregnancy. If either of you feels like you are being forced into marriage because of the pregnancy, you are not marrying of your own free will and the marriage will not be valid.

I suggest contacting the priest at your parish and arranging a meeting. He will want to get to know you two and may possibly suggest that you postpone marrying until a few months to a year after your child is born, to be sure that you both actually want to marry each other.


#3

The Church welcomes with open arms those who wish to do the right thing.

Our son was born before we were married, I don't remember anyone making a big deal out of it. In fact in Mass on Sunday a few weeks before the wedding our (older conservative) priest gave a homily on just that subject. Its been many years, but the basic message was, he was happy to see people choose to come to God.


#4

[quote="UnworthyApostle, post:1, topic:209194"]
H My girlfriend and I had an accidnet while engaging in inappropriate levels of intimacy and she may have become pregnant.

[/quote]

This is an awkward situation. I dont believe sex can be "accidental" and I dont think it is a good thing if you view your child as an accident. This attitude can and does get transfered to the child because parents have a bad tendency of using this against kids when the kids become difficult or life becomes difficult.

The best thing is to not worry about marriage and your families right now. Worry about the kid. Marriages are easy to work out. Go to a priest and he will show you the way. At age 20, kids are difficult anyways. You didnt say where you lived or if you have a degree, but based on your age and the fact that a majority on this site live in North America, I would say you dont have a degree and are living in a region of the world where it is a lot more difficult to raise a child at a young age without having a college degree to boost your wage earning. In North America, high paying jobs are hard to find without a degree. Your primary concern shouldnt be with the appearances of how people view your situation. If that really mattered, you wouldnt have had sex to begin with. You need to think about the child first. Get everything set for the child then think about your situation with the girl and both your parents.


#5

North America, high paying jobs are hard to find without a degree. Your primary concern shouldnt be with the appearances of how people view your situation. If that really mattered, you wouldnt have had sex to begin with. You need to think about the child first. Get everything set for the child then think about your situation with the girl and both your parents.

i respectfull but emphatically disagree.

sacrament trumps degree/paycheck every day of the week.

loving, married parents, though perhaps poor, are much more integral to a kid's emotional and spiritual wellbeing than degreed, funded, though unmarried parents.

so the only question is this: can you and she BE a loving, married couple? if you can, the Church will require the same thing of you as any prospective married couple, i.e., significant marriage prep to full understanding of the vows:
loving fidelity till death do you part
opennes to children
promise ot raise children in the Church


#6

talk to your priest - he will be the best person to give you your option based upon your situation.

Also talk to your gf and see what she is willing to do - because if she is not willing to enter into Sacrament then all bets are off.


#7

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