I am pretty sure I’m mildly OCD because I sometimes have intrusive thoughts that won’t go away. It’s mostly ideas about myself or others.
This manifests as fears in relationships. I’ll read articles about how 60% of men cheat and become convinced that with those odds, why bother dating?
I’ll read that 85% of the time a woman has a gut feeling of being cheated on she was right, then convince myself that my obsessive fears are a “gut feeling.”
I honestly am kind of fit to be tied. I’m dating a guy that is pretty reliable and communicative although he’s not texting me all day because he’s working. He texts every morning and evening and calls every night and drives a lot to see me on weekends.
I’ve met his family and friends.
Anyway i am pretty sure at this point I could be dating a living Saint and still be afraid of being betrayed.
There have been numerous times in my life where someone I thought I knew was so radically not who I thought that I’m convinced it will happen with eveyone. Like drug use or worse, things that involve a long time in prison.
And through friends I’ve talked to I’ve become aware that cheaters are not always the flashy flirty people. They might be mild mannered and shy. In addition, the internet provides a way to carry on online affairs without ever meeting. And sadly Christians are not exceptional; I don’t think one can assume a church goer won’t cheat.
Clearly I have a crippling fear. It’s always been there combined with the fear of divorce. Since I’m actually in a serious relationship it’s coming up and I don’t know what to do.
I used to know this consecrated virgin who did canon law. She would always talk about how glad she was she’s never getting married, because her annulment cases made her see marriage in a negative light.
The bottom line is that due to many reasons, I feel deeply inadequate like no man would ever be true to me and men would only date me as a joke or because I am easy to deceive or as someone to show the family since I go to church, but not to be faithful to.
I don’t know what to do. I have had men be paranoid I cheated on them when I would never dream of it, so I know the fears aren’t always true.
If anyone has thoughts for me please tell. I know that counseling could help but frankly it doesn’t always. I’m praying I find a spiritual director. Thanks.