Woke up as a Different Man

#21

[quote="Nightfly, post:1, topic:229304"]
Hello,

I have been married 10 years. In the 1st year I had a brain tumor in the frontal lobe of my brain partially removed. After that I changed in that I asked myself why did I ever marry this woman I call my wife. With me thinking clearer without the tumor clouding my judgements I think I made a mistake. We have 2 kids but I do not feel in love with her. I am committed but do not, nor ever have since the initial surgey felt feeling of affection towards her. Sometimes it makes me sad that I missed out on life. I can't do anything, I am not leaving. What is a man like me supposed to do? I have no where to turn to a woman it seems. She loves me but I can't say I feel the same. I say I do but it is all to appease her.

[/quote]

I'd look into Matthew Kelly's 7 Levels of Intimacy. "Love is the choice of the will." as he says. I think you need to look deeper into what you need to do to enable yourself to focus on the positives here.

Let me tell you friend... every few years I go through the same wrenching perspective as you portray here. Being a loving husband and father is never easy, just worth it. Count your blessings that she loves you. Can you imagine what it would be like if she didn't? Start listening to positive voices and you'll have it mostly licked.

#22

[quote="Nightfly, post:1, topic:229304"]
Hello,

I have been married 10 years. In the 1st year I had a brain tumor in the frontal lobe of my brain partially removed. After that I changed in that I asked myself why did I ever marry this woman I call my wife. With me thinking clearer without the tumor clouding my judgements I think I made a mistake. We have 2 kids but I do not feel in love with her. I am committed but do not, nor ever have since the initial surgey felt feeling of affection towards her. ** Sometimes it makes me sad that I missed out on life.** I can't do anything, I am not leaving. What is a man like me supposed to do? I have no where to turn to a woman it seems. She loves me but I can't say I feel the same. I say I do but it is all to appease her.

[/quote]

Are you really missing out on life? You have a wife that loves you and supported you through a very tough time. Lots of people would walk out at the first sign of illness. In my eyes, you are lucky and have a prize right under your very nose.

What do you think you are missing? Do you think any other women would do what she has done? The Catholic meaning of love is action, not fluttery feelings of infatuation.

You have a wife who loves and supports you. You have children that you are still in the middle of raising. You can't just walk away from the family, without hurting everyone in that family. There is always a consequence.

The grass is not always greener out yonder. Often times it looks that way because you're actually looking at a septic field. There's a whole lot of manure underneath!

Perhaps you should try Retrouvaille, to rekindle your marriage.

closed #23
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