Women and porn - Catholic help?


#1

Recently, there has been a number of Christian ministries springing up to deal with women who are adddicted to porn.

nytimes.com/2010/05/03/us/03addiction.html?scp=1&sq=women%20and%20porn&st=Search

What I want to know is are there any specifically Catholic ministries or sites dealing with female porn addiction? The few Catholic sites that are out there deal with it from a male prespective.


#2

I'm more surprised than shocked, and perhaps even somewhat sceptical, that there are such a large number of women who are addicted to porn. I can't say I've seen many pop up on this forum with such a problem.


#3

[quote="PrayerShark, post:2, topic:197669"]
I'm more surprised than shocked, and perhaps even somewhat sceptical, that there are such a large number of women who are addicted to porn. I can't say I've seen many pop up on this forum with such a problem.

[/quote]

I remember seeing somewhere that 30% of online porn users are women. While men are still the majority, 30% is a significant number. Some of them are bound to be Catholic.

Women probably keep it even more secret than men, because of the religious expectation toward women to be pure and virginal. This expectation is not there for men, and so men might be more likely to reveal their porn use.


#4

These statistics are always suspect, as most samplings don't tend to be large enough to accurately represent the population. Additionally, they are not entirely random either.

Anyway, the reason that 30% makes me suspect is that pornography isn't made for women, as the market generally directed at men. I recall from an article in the Wall Street Journal that the production of PlayGirl magazine was a complete financial failure - no women were buying it. I also find it difficult to imagine a woman being aroused by mainstream pornography, mainly because women want sexual intimacy not gratification. I think this is why romance novels find such a large market among women.


#5

Regardless of accuracy of statistics, I don’t think it helps to discuss how uncommon it is. If she is asking for advice because of a personal addiction we should be helping her, not figuring out whether she’s one of a lot or one of a few. We are called to help her.

OP: You have my prayers, I have struggled with this and continue to fight daily. Love is the only cure for lust. Spend some time in front of the Eucharist. Reading John’s Gospel is good as well or Song of Solomon because we can see the parallel between our love for God and human love. We must always remember our love is a reflection of the way God loves. Carry the cross. I hope you find support.
God bless,
B


#6

[quote="PrayerShark, post:4, topic:197669"]
These statistics are always suspect, as most samplings don't tend to be large enough to accurately represent the population. Additionally, they are not entirely random either.

Anyway, the reason that 30% makes me suspect is that pornography isn't made for women, as the market generally directed at men. I recall from an article in the Wall Street Journal that the production of PlayGirl magazine was a complete financial failure - no women were buying it. I also find it difficult to imagine a woman being aroused by mainstream pornography, mainly because women want sexual intimacy not gratification. I think this is why romance novels find such a large market among women.

[/quote]

First of all, here to get some news, my dear. There are plenty of women addicted to porn. Becuase the fallacy exists that it is such a guy thing, women DON"T speak up and get help.

Secondly, the fallacy exists that porn is made only for men.Again, start to do your research. Porn now is not only the glossy men's magazines. There is a whole new market of porn aimed specifically at women. It is just as visually oriented as men but with a more of a storyline. And much the porn looked at by women is amateur porn...that is people filming themselves at home and marketing it as opposed to a film production company.The explosion of the Internet has made it more accessible and we live ina pornfied culturre. I don't see how it would not make sense that women would not be affected.

I suggest you have a read through of this book to inform youself a bit more. Even the first 2 chapter will open your eyes.
books.google.tt/books?id=nuswnZ0cH-sC&printsec=frontcover&dq=marnie+ferree&source=bl&ots=Ptn1n9a_Gn&sig=-Edizlh4a36ByyXSKvvoMT2M-34&hl=en&ei=S4vlS57tI8GBlAec0qH5Cg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=15&ved=0CE4Q6AEwDg#v=onepage&q&f=false The book is Marnie Feree's " No Stones: Women Redeemed"

I do have plenty help from other Chrisitan minsitires that do cater for women addicted to porn BUT there is nothing that I have seen so far with a Catholic underpinning, hence why I asked the question.


#7

CSGSAR (saint-mike.org/csgsar/) has some women members, but I don't know of any ministry aimed specifically at women.


#8

Things have changed quite a bit, there is a fair amount of pornography on the main sites online geared specifically at women (i.e. passionate couples sex where the female stars are treated respectfully). It’s not the dominant form, but it’s there.

Also, there is a lot of amateur porn online that is essentially couples sex, and generally is not weird/degrading. :shrug:

I’ve had female friends who would send me pictures of attractive men minus the clothing, it’s not that uncommon. Men generally do have higher sex drives than women, but there are plenty of women with high sex drives as well.


#9

[quote="belovedandbless, post:6, topic:197669"]
First of all, here to get some news, my dear. There are plenty of women addicted to porn. Becuase the fallacy exists that it is such a guy thing, women DON"T speak up and get help.

Secondly, the fallacy exists that porn is made only for men.Again, start to do your research. Porn now is not only the glossy men's magazines. There is a whole new market of porn aimed specifically at women. It is just as visually oriented as men but with a more of a storyline. And much the porn looked at by women is amateur porn...that is people filming themselves at home and marketing it as opposed to a film production company.The explosion of the Internet has made it more accessible and we live ina pornfied culturre. I don't see how it would not make sense that women would not be affected.

I suggest you have a read through of this book to inform youself a bit more. Even the first 2 chapter will open your eyes.
books.google.tt/books?id=nuswnZ0cH-sC&printsec=frontcover&dq=marnie+ferree&source=bl&ots=Ptn1n9a_Gn&sig=-Edizlh4a36ByyXSKvvoMT2M-34&hl=en&ei=S4vlS57tI8GBlAec0qH5Cg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=15&ved=0CE4Q6AEwDg#v=onepage&q&f=false The book is Marnie Feree's " No Stones: Women Redeemed"

I do have plenty help from other Chrisitan minsitires that do cater for women addicted to porn BUT there is nothing that I have seen so far with a Catholic underpinning, hence why I asked the question.

[/quote]

Perhaps starting one on here or through this website might be a good idea, I'm sure others find themselves in a similar situation. I think the Church has need for something like that. Unfortunately, things like this get swept under the rug as "taboo" and people who need help don't find what they're searching for.
God bless,
B


#10

I recommend the book "Clean of Heart" by Rosemarie Scott (www.cleanofheart.com)

It's formatted as a daily devotional, guiding you in devotion to Mary and Jesus. You can see the introduction at the website, and more on google books. As it's an individual guide you follow with (ideally) a spiritual director and an accountability partner, it can be used by either men or women.


#11

[quote="PaschalCatholic, post:5, topic:197669"]
Regardless of accuracy of statistics, I don't think it helps to discuss how uncommon it is. If she is asking for advice because of a personal addiction we should be helping her, not figuring out whether she's one of a lot or one of a few. We are called to help her.

[/quote]

I presumed the OP's remark was to start a discourse on the issue, not that she has an issue. I can't see why we can't talk about both though.

Your response is appalling. Not only is your tone disrespectful but it shows a distinct lack of maturity on your part. If you wish to converse with me, you can do so without resorting to a condescending manner.

I do not recall saying that there are no women addicted to porn. I stated my weariness of the statistic and gave my reasons for my scepticism. Instead of addressing these reasons you have decided to get up on your high-horse. You've brought up the production of pornography marketed directly at women without any citation to claim that this is an effective and profitable market. I don't doubt that they make it, I just doubt that most women are interested in watching it. Amateur pornography may have some attraction to women as you claim, but again I fail to see what most women would get out of it. It's still about getting off and is hardly romanticised. However, I don't disagree that some women find pornography attractive. All I have done is given reasons why there is a lack of support groups dealing with female addiction to porn.


#12

There is a Catholic support group here at CAF called Impurity Addiction Support Group that has some female members (although most appear to be males). You could try joining that and branching off onto a separate forum within the group for yourself and the other females.

I have a feeling that even many of the guys in that group might be able to offer you some excellent advice and support, too.

Good luck, and God’s peace to you.


#13

[quote="PrayerShark, post:11, topic:197669"]
I presumed the OP's remark was to start a discourse on the issue, not that she has an issue. I can't see why we can't talk about both though.

Your response is appalling. Not only is your tone disrespectful but it shows a distinct lack of maturity on your part. If you wish to converse with me, you can do so without resorting to a condescending manner.

I do not recall saying that there are no women addicted to porn. I stated my weariness of the statistic and gave my reasons for my scepticism. Instead of addressing these reasons you have decided to get up on your high-horse. You've brought up the production of pornography marketed directly at women without any citation to claim that this is an effective and profitable market. I don't doubt that they make it, I just doubt that most women are interested in watching it. Amateur pornography may have some attraction to women as you claim, but again I fail to see what most women would get out of it. It's still about getting off and is hardly romanticised. However, I don't disagree that some women find pornography attractive. All I have done is given reasons why there is a lack of support groups dealing with female addiction to porn.

[/quote]

I was not being disrespectful or condescending. My response is not apalling at all. I merely come asking for help and get the resposne that basically states that generally women aren't interested. That is disrespectful and flies in the face of a growing number of women with a very real problem.

If I were a drug addict, you would NOT have that sort of response. I have every right to be "up on my high horse" as you say, becuase your type of response to the problem is why me and women like me have not sought help and suffered in silence for 10 years or more. Porn and sex addiction is no longer a guy thing........it is equal opprtunity.

I did NOT come here to debate whether or not women like porn or can addicted to it. I came here becuase I have a problem and I thought that a wide Catholic cross section here would have an answer. (Thanks much to those who have given suggestions thus far. They have been duly explored and bookmarked:) )

With all due respect if you DON"T have a suggestion, kindly remove your hijakcing self from this thread and leave room for those who do.


#14

[quote="belovedandbless, post:13, topic:197669"]
I was not being disrespectful or condescending. My response is not apalling at all. I merely come asking for help and get the resposne that basically states that generally women aren't interested. That is disrespectful and flies in the face of a growing number of women with a very real problem.

If I were a drug addict, you would NOT have that sort of response. I have every right to be "up on my high horse" as you say, becuase your type of response to the problem is why me and women like me have not sought help and suffered in silence for 10 years or more. Porn and sex addiction is no longer a guy thing........it is equal opprtunity.

I did NOT come here to debate whether or not women like porn or can addicted to it. I came here becuase I have a problem and I thought that a wide Catholic cross section here would have an answer. (Thanks much to those who have given suggestions thus far. They have been duly explored and bookmarked:) )

With all due respect if you DON"T have a suggestion, kindly remove your hijakcing self from this thread and leave room for those who do.

[/quote]

Great post. This is a great example of how to deal with disrespectful, off-topic, non-helpful posters in online forums!

As far as help - I don't know of any women specific Catholic porn help groups:( As others have mentioned, while it certainly exists, its mainstream availability is a relatively new thing and as such is quite stigmatised. I also struggle with pornography addiction. What has worked for me to varying degrees - frequesnt Confession and Adoration. A good confessor. Recently I purchased an internet filter that reports to my wife what I've been looking at online. She has the only passwords. If you aren't married or if your husband would not be understanding, you might substitute a good friend or even your mother.

I will pray for you, and I'd also appreciate your prayers:)

Mike


#15

Watching Porn is nothing to be ashamed about.
It's perfectly natural to be curious.
And if those women want to watch porn on a regular basis then so be it.
Who are we to judge?


#16

Porn is natural? What’s natural about watching people have sex on a computer? It’s totally unhealthy and can constitute an addiction and also create unnatural expectations. It teaches us to use people as objects for our own gratification and to stop seeing them as beings deserving love.


closed #17

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