Hello, how do you become the best that you can be as a woman who is married. I have raised one daughter who is now 20 yrs old, but in spiritual conflict. I try to think of Our Blessed Mother and how she would be…can anyone help me out.
Peace be with you Missyc,
Proverbs 31 talks about the perfect woman:
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Remember, Genesis 2:18:
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
With that, could you be more specific as to your question/problem?
You can’t control the decisions your own children make once they are of age. You can only pray for them, love them, and continue to model Christ.
You can claim the promise in Proverbs 22:6–“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” But this verse makes it clear that when the child is OLD, he (she) will not depart from it. It doesn’t say that the child will remain true to their faith all through their life.
There are very few perfect parents. Most of us make parenting mistakes along the way, and our children reflect our good parenting and our POOR parenting…
I often say that I can claim credit for everything that my daughters are today. That means that I am responsible for all their good traits, but I am also responsible for all of their BAD traits.
I know that one reason my older daughter is rather cruel is because I am rather cruel (hence the name “Cat”). I know that one reason my younger daughter has trouble eating healthily is that I have trouble eating healthily.
OTOH, my younger daughter is NOT cruel, and my older daughter eats a very healthy diet. Our children are responsible for their own life decisions; I didn’t force my older daughter to be cruel, and I didn’t force my younger daughter to eat unhealthily. I just made it easier for them to go along those paths.
You say that your daughter is in spiritual conflict. It’s possible that something that you did contributed to this, but it’s also possible that you did an exemplary job of parenting, and your daughter is just being her own individual person. Many young people go through a time of spiritual conflict, during which they research and participate in different faith traditions and churches, or abandon churches and religions entirely. Very often they do come back to the faith tradition of their childhood. Just pray a lot, love her, and model the Lord Jesus to her.
Nagging or pleading will not help, and it may drive her further away from her Catholic tradition. Also, try never to criticize her, but rather, praise her for all her good traits and encourage her in any good that she does. (Don’t encourage sin.). Again, if you criticize her and her choices, it may drive her further away, and she may even eventually refuse to associate with you because she sees you as “toxic.” Don’t go there. If she asks for your opinion, give it gently and firmly, but then drop it. Allow the Holy Spirit to work.
I personally believe that the Blessed Mother is very capable of leading her own children back to her when they stray. Keep asking for her to plead with her Son for your daughter.