Women: Work or Home?


#1

I have never done this poll thing before, so if it doesn’t work right, I apologize. Anyways, I was reading another thread and the issue of stay at home mom vs working mom came up. So, I ask, should women stay home to take care of home and children or should they work? Are there times when one or the other must be done or is it merely up to the woman? Does it even matter?


#2

Come on and talk about it! My fiance and I have had this conversation, and I have always wanted to stay at home and he never wanted to marry a working woman. Discuss please!!!


#3

I have done both …worked and stayed at home. Both have their perks and both have their downsides IMHO. But I feel it should be up tot he woman to decide what she wants to do.


#4

I cannot answer because of the word “should.” I work and my husband stays at home taking care of the baby. Why? Because I can make enough money to survive as I have more experience then he does. Would I rather stay at home? Yes. But, will I willingly sacrifice this want so my family can survive? Yes.


#5

It’s up to the individual family. Every situation is different. Ideally, one parent would be a stay at home mom/dad, but unfortunately, the world (prices) is geared towards two income families, so it’s becoming increasingly harder for one parent to not work.


#6

It is hard to do a poll that has everyones choice, so I will just discuss instead of vote.

I truly believe that if finances allow, one should stay home with children. Most women do not make enough money after childcare anyway.

There have been studies and unless a woman is a professional who brings in very good income, a woman pays someone else to raise her child.

Motherhood is a vocation. Just as a priest can best serve God unmarried, mothers can best serve their children without trying to have any other job but motherhood.

I just recently after 17 years of staying at home, got a partime job. Very partime. I enjoy it, but I still consider myself a stay at home mom. As my children are 16, 12 and 4, I will continue to stay at home for a good long time.

You say you want to stay at home and fiance does not want to marry a working woman? Sounds perfect. Or did I misread or mistype and he wants you to work?

God Bless,
Maria


#7

you did not misread! We are both happy with this arangement, I guess I am just looking for conversation about this stuff. My mom works but wishes she didn’t and my grandma thinks I need to be independant.


#8

[quote=migurl]you did not misread! We are both happy with this arangement, I guess I am just looking for conversation about this stuff. My mom works but wishes she didn’t and my grandma thinks I need to be independant.
[/quote]

I think you can be independent and stay home. The key is to have options if something were to go wrong. I personally think you should have a degree or a certification in something, so if the worst happens (divorce/death/unemployment) there will be a backup source of income. :thumbsup:


#9

Well, both he and I are Catholic, so not only is divorce not an option, we wouldn’t be getting married if we thought it was a possiblity. I am getting my college degree, but I honestly think that women are better off at home. We are very emotional most of the time and I have never come across an unhappy SAHM (abusive situations aside). Workinf moms always seem so stressed to me and being the daughter of one, I have found it very painful and diffucult to be the child of a working mother.


#10

[quote=migurl]Well, both he and I are Catholic, so not only is divorce not an option, we wouldn’t be getting married if we thought it was a possiblity. I am getting my college degree, but I honestly think that women are better off at home. We are very emotional most of the time and I have never come across an unhappy SAHM (abusive situations aside). Workinf moms always seem so stressed to me and being the daughter of one, I have found it very painful and diffucult to be the child of a working mother.
[/quote]

I have known both happy and unhappy stay at home moms. Happy and unhappy working mom’s as well. I think the husband and wife need to sit down together and work out what’s best for their family.


#11

I think maybe God grand design was for the woman to stay at home and raise the children because only a parent can do it best. But its not for everyone and not everyone can accept that vocation or call to duty. then there are times when that extra $100 ubove and beyond daycare is actually what gets the family by month to month. the most important thing is for stay and home moms and working moms to respect eachother and acknowledge each persons struggles and successes.


#12

Quite some time ago, I needed a little sign form God to tell me something wasn’t just right. Actually, God had to hit me with a 2x4, multiple times, to get my attention. I wasn’t being a man by providing for my wife.

One day, the job of picking up my very young child from daycare fell to me. I arrived a little early, so I thought it’d be fun just to peek-in and watch my child in the daycare room. What I saw was a surly ‘care-giver’ reading a magazine, pausing just long enough to say “shut-up” or “stop that” to any offending little kid. My child was just circling a table with a blank stare, just marking time. The scene saddened me, greatly. It all didn’t come clear at that moment, but this was the impetus for what follows.

On arriving home, my dear wife was also ‘beat’ from a hard day at work. She was fixing us a frozen pizza for supper and complaining that the house was a wreck. (She’s a neat-freak, so that bothers her, while I don’t care about that stuff, too much.) As usual, the laundry and dishes were piling up. (OK, this is where you all rip on me for not helping around the house, as I should.)

After putting a cranky child to bed, I’m hoping for a break in a 2 week romantic ‘dry spell’. Once again, she’s too tired, and not in the mood… A fight breaks out, so neither one of us get’s much sleep, anyway.

Repeat the above procedure, in various forms, over and over again.

Then, one early morning, it all became very clear. My poor wife was working at least two full-time jobs. She was simply overworked and not a happy camper. Now, if Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. Right then and there, I decided I was going to convince her to quit her job. We could live without it, we could just cut back, waaaay back.

So, for the next few weeks, I carefully gathered information to build my case. I prepared answers for every possible argument she could have. I was doing everything I could to get ready to ‘sell’ her on my idea. Now I’m ready, but how do I start the proposal? I just forgot I was going to smoothly finesse it… You know when you say something, and it wasn’t at all how you wanted to say it, but now it’s too late? That was me. I just ‘told’ her to quit her job.

Boy! Was I surprised when she said “OK, I’ll quit my job and be a stay at home Mom…It’s all I ever wanted.” I didn’t have to ‘sell’ anything. All that preparation and thought on how to convince her was completely unnecessary.

That was the single best thing we’ve ever done. We’re all much, much happier. Sure, the loss of her income was tough, but we just cut back. On the other hand, you would be surprised how much money a SAHM can save. There are many hidden costs associated with the working Mom. She takes care of all the finances, I give her my paycheck and she gives me a twenty every week. I don’t know where she stashes the money, and I don’t care. The kid’s happy, the house sparkles, the food’s better and she is in the ‘mood’ more than ever.http://forums.catholic.com/images/icons/icon10.gif All the cut-backs were such a small price to pay.

I still worry that she gets bored, or might think she wasted a fine college degree, but she is always quick to remind me that she’s not bored. She says, there’s always something to do. Now she guards her position like a hawk. I don’t think she’ll want to return to the workforce, ever again.


#13

[quote=st_ignatius110]I cannot answer because of the word “should.” I work and my husband stays at home taking care of the baby. Why? Because I can make enough money to survive as I have more experience then he does. Would I rather stay at home? Yes. But, will I willingly sacrifice this want so my family can survive? Yes.
[/quote]

God bless you!! —KCT


#14

[quote=cargopilot]Quite some time ago, I needed a little sign form God to tell me something wasn’t just right. Actually, God had to hit me with a 2x4, multiple times, to get my attention. I wasn’t being a man by providing for my wife.

One day, the job of picking up my very young child from daycare fell to me. I arrived a little early, so I thought it’d be fun just to peek-in and watch my child in the daycare room. What I saw was a surly ‘care-giver’ reading a magazine, pausing just long enough to say “shut-up” or “stop that” to any offending little kid. My child was just circling a table with a blank stare, just marking time. The scene saddened me, greatly. It all didn’t come clear at that moment, but this was the impetus for what follows.

On arriving home, my dear wife was also ‘beat’ from a hard day at work. She was fixing us a frozen pizza for supper and complaining that the house was a wreck. (She’s a neat-freak, so that bothers her, while I don’t care about that stuff, too much.) As usual, the laundry and dishes were piling up. (OK, this is where you all rip on me for not helping around the house, as I should.)

After putting a cranky child to bed, I’m hoping for a break in a 2 week romantic ‘dry spell’. Once again, she’s too tired, and not in the mood… A fight breaks out, so neither one of us get’s much sleep, anyway.

Repeat the above procedure, in various forms, over and over again.

Then, one early morning, it all became very clear. My poor wife was working at least two full-time jobs. She was simply overworked and not a happy camper. Now, if Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. Right then and there, I decided I was going to convince her to quit her job. We could live without it, we could just cut back, waaaay back.

So, for the next few weeks, I carefully gathered information to build my case. I prepared answers for every possible argument she could have. I was doing everything I could to get ready to ‘sell’ her on my idea. Now I’m ready, but how do I start the proposal? I just forgot I was going to smoothly finesse it… You know when you say something, and it wasn’t at all how you wanted to say it, but now it’s too late? That was me. I just ‘told’ her to quit her job.

Boy! Was I surprised when she said “OK, I’ll quit my job and be a stay at home Mom…It’s all I ever wanted.” I didn’t have to ‘sell’ anything. All that preparation and thought on how to convince her was completely unnecessary.

That was the single best thing we’ve ever done. We’re all much, much happier. Sure, the loss of her income was tough, but we just cut back. On the other hand, you would be surprised how much money a SAHM can save. There are many hidden costs associated with the working Mom. She takes care of all the finances, I give her my paycheck and she gives me a twenty every week. I don’t know where she stashes the money, and I don’t care. The kid’s happy, the house sparkles, the food’s better and she is in the ‘mood’ more than ever.http://forums.catholic.com/images/icons/icon10.gif All the cut-backs were such a small price to pay.

I still worry that she gets bored, or might think she wasted a fine college degree, but she is always quick to remind me that she’s not bored. She says, there’s always something to do. Now she guards her position like a hawk. I don’t think she’ll want to return to the workforce, ever again.
[/quote]

I loved your story – sounds like exactly what would have happened in my house


#15

I have been working since I am 13 so that’s really all I know. However, if I had to do it all over again, I might have enjoyed being a SAHM, with the provision that I could work a few hours at an outside job. Let’s face it, at least for me, I would need the adult stimulation.

That aside, finances come into play for most. I could never afford to stay home. And now I don’t want to. Of course my kids are older and there is no need to. But even if financially I could, I’d always want to do something…just because I could.

I have often said, if i could work anywhere I want to because money wouldn’t be an issue, it would be Barnes & Noble or Border’s.

As to the OP’s dilemma, until you have children, what would you do all day?? ANd what was so difficult about being the child of a working mom? Just curious.

                    ~ Kathy ~

#16

It’s definitely not a “one size fits all” topic. That being said…

I was a sah for the first 22 months of my son’s life (he’s 3 yrs. 5 months now). It was great for about the first 15-18 months, and then I started to have feelings of depression hitting me. At first, I tried to ignore it - winter was coming, maybe I was just getting some “holiday blues”, or seasonals “blahs”. But as I ignored it, it got worse. Some friends (who are no longer friends for various reasons) were insistent that I should just go to my dr. and get anti-depressants. Ummm - that would be a big fat no. I knew in my heart that there was an answer to my mood, and pills weren’t it…I’m not one for what I consider to be “artificial happiness”. Finally, about 2 months later, and many prayers later, my answer came to me…I needed to be out there, working again. Not full time, but part time. So, I called up my old boss, she had an opening for me (coincidentally, the day I called her, someone had just given her their 2 week notice), and back to work I went.

Our family has improved so much since then. My marriage is better, my parenting is better, and most importantly, I am happier.

So to the OP - something to consider for you - I was like you - I always wanted to be a sahm. And that’s so wonderful that your fiance is supportive of your decision (when the time comes, of course!). But if I were you, I would sit down with him and discuss how he would feel if at some point, you would feel the need to return to work.


#17

I think that every stay at home mother should have marketable job skills so that, in the event that her husband has a prolonged job loss experience, or God forbid her husband dies, she can enter the labor force to support her family.

I also believe that it’s healthy for a woman to have a lot of outside contacts, through volunteer work, friendships, or other activities. These would be optimal ways for the mother to help her carry the load of staying at home with her children. I would list a part-time job as the last thing, because that is a major commitment that needs to be prayed about with the husband. I think the situation that Jenn described is a perfect example of how well that can work for a family. Mental health is a very important quality that a woman brings to motherhood.

In my answer, I stated that it was a woman’s choice. Because we have to feel in control of our lives during the damanding years of motherhood - as much in control as you can with little ones tugging at you for every moment of the day. So I don’t mean choice in a selfish way, but in a God-centered way. In other words, a Christian woman will acknowledge that God has a plan for family life, and she has an irreplaceable role in the formation of her children. So she must weigh the consequences of any activity that takes her away from her children very carefully.

I have seven children. The first was born within a year of getting my master’s degree. I haven’t worked since that precious daughter’s birth 16 years ago. Now that we are facing college, I am wondering how I might incorporate a part time job in my life.


#18

I’ve been a SAHM for the 28 months of my daughter’s life so far. I love it. Money is tight, but with a DH in the guard and getting deployed often, part time work is just not an option. So, we just cut back as much as possible. I have a degree, and was earning very good money before my daughter’s birth. I walked away with no regrets. But I understand that my situation is unique, as is everyone else’s. I wouldn’t tell a woman that she is doing the wrong thing when she works to support her family, in whatever capacity is needed. I just have to believe and pray that women are doing the best they can do for their family, with their children’s welfare as top priority. Really, it’s all about the kids.


#19

I agree. Everyone should have marketable skills. I would add that it is wise for the husband to own plenty of life insurance. When you’re young and healthy, it’s cheap. In good times and bad, I’ve kept the premiums paid on my life insurance policies. Heck, I worth more dead than alive.:slight_smile:

As for the unexpected job loss, have SAVINGS, and always pay yourself first. Even in bad times, just keep adding to it. Just cut back on the unnecessary stuff to keep this up.

Also, have a good PERSONAL health insurance plan. Get high deductables and keep up the premiums. Jobs come and go, along with the health insurance. What you don’t want is to one day wake up with an ‘uninsurable’ in your household. If you don’t have your own policy in force, right then, you’re in really big trouble. You can plan for so many outcomes. A good pilot always leaves himself an out, a plan ‘B’. Be prepared.

I know I’ll be blasted by those who say, “I can’t afford that.” Well, you really can’t NOT afford that. Get rid of the cable TV, and the SUV. Drive junky cars, clip coupons, spread every penny so thin you can see through it. I could plan a budget for the most meager salary to allow for all the above, plus have a little ‘fun money’. This is America…it can be done.

[quote=Cupofkindness]I think that every stay at home mother should have marketable job skills so that, in the event that her husband has a prolonged job loss experience, or God forbid her husband dies, she can enter the labor force to support her family.

I also believe that it’s healthy for a woman to have a lot of outside contacts, through volunteer work, friendships, or other activities. These would be optimal ways for the mother to help her carry the load of staying at home with her children. I would list a part-time job as the last thing, because that is a major commitment that needs to be prayed about with the husband. I think the situation that Jenn described is a perfect example of how well that can work for a family. Mental health is a very important quality that a woman brings to motherhood.

In my answer, I stated that it was a woman’s choice. Because we have to feel in control of our lives during the damanding years of motherhood - as much in control as you can with little ones tugging at you for every moment of the day. So I don’t mean choice in a selfish way, but in a God-centered way. In other words, a Christian woman will acknowledge that God has a plan for family life, and she has an irreplaceable role in the formation of her children. So she must weigh the consequences of any activity that takes her away from her children very carefully.

I have seven children. The first was born within a year of getting my master’s degree. I haven’t worked since that precious daughter’s birth 16 years ago. Now that we are facing college, I am wondering how I might incorporate a part time job in my life.
[/quote]


#20

There wasn’t any option that expresses how I feel about it; mothers of young children should stay home if at all possible, but women without children and with older children should prayerfully discern where they can best serve God, whether at work or at home.


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