I am working off scrupulosity.
But, after every confession, even though I ask the priest if my thoughts are sinful, and he gives me a good reason as to why they are not, I will later that day experience more unholy blasphemies and images that pop up or flash through my mind, and knowing that I don’t want them or intend any harm, shunning them immediately, I still feel unclean and incredible guilt.
This is really tourmenting me. Every time this happens, I can’t tell if they originate from my will or from an attacker. Regardless, I never want the thoughts, and always throw them out as quickly as I realize they are there. But the guilt makes me wonder if they’re still my fault and I go on in-between confessions wondering the state of my soul.
I even know the story of martin luther and his extreme scrupulosity, and the quote from the baltimore catechism about this very subject. And I read just last night about servant of God Sr. Mary of St Peter and her similar experience.
Nonetheless, I feel guilty and worry that my soul is in a grey area, I could be damned or I could be guiltless, because I have these flashes of thoughts and it feels like they come from within me. I’ve always had a very active imagination too, Im a visual person.
Can anybody offer some insight? I’ll keep praying, I just want this out of my life. Especially before the second lockdowns.