I’m not sure if this is right forum and apologize if I am in the wrong place. I did a pretty stupid thing the other day and I would like any advice I can get.
I take a certain medicine that helps with a condition I have. If I don’t get the right dosage apparently I can start making bad decisions. I’m not sure if it all the medicine’s fault. I think part of the problem is certain character flaws that I possess. Anyway my doctor lowered the dosage to see if I still needed it after the couple of years I have been taking it and after a few weeks I started to have judgment problems.
Well what happened is I was interested in a girl that I work with. Infatuated I think. Well I was off work and was thinking about her and I ended up googling her and looking at her public profiles. I don’t know what possessed me to do it but I found some stuff that was sexually themed so I wrote her on facebook, this long letter telling her about what I had found and that I thought it was a bad idea to post this stuff online because of predators and such unless it is behind an anonymous profile. She is 19. I am so embarrassed just writing this. I really thought this was a good idea at the time. Well she wrote back about 60 messages and shared a lot of info with me about her personal life, past, relationships and such. At the end she said what I had written made her feel very uncomfortable and asked me why I had done this. I wrote back and told that I thought she was very attractive and that I thought I was reaching out to her because I was a little out of touch with reality (I am 20 years older than her) and needed a reality check. She asked on what and I told her that a few reasons why I thought I was basically out of touch with reality, too old, work at the same place, etc. She didn’t respond back. So I didn’t write anything more. I knew I was having medicine problems so I corrected my dosage.
Well a week went by and I didn’t really connect with her at work except for work stuff. Finally we happened to be in the same place and I asked her if I had caused a problem with what I wrote. She said yes and I apologized sincerely and I thought it would be OK. A couple of more weeks went by and I started talking with her and we started getting along well.
Yesterday I found out in that first week or so she had talked with our Boss about my messages and was worried it might be problem if I got an upcoming promotion and she was worried that I might keep writing her at the time and she was worried she would have to tell me to stop. My messages were too much an invasion of privacy themselves. Well the Boss had to report it HR and they started the ball rolling on the complaint. I talked with my Boss about it yesterday and I learned that she didn’t really want to proceed with the complaint after she got a chance to start speaking with her. She saw that there was no threat like she had originally thought there might be. But HR kept the ball rolling anyway until my Boss talked to me about the situation. Apparently she said she is completely comfortable talking to me and being around me at work and has no problem with me. Well, I am not allowed to speak to her about the complaint and she can’t talk to me about it so we can’t really clear the air. I asked if I could just talk to her normally and they want me to just act like nothing has happened. I have not seen her yet since they told me about the complaint. I’ll see her Friday at work. She knows they talked to me.
Well, despite my stupidity with the internet messages, we started to hit it off over the past couple weeks, I think, with a friendship. Well, I am worried she will think I am mad and I’m not. I think she saw some potential for a problem and just wanted to check her options with the Boss. I know my Boss well and I’m pretty sure he involved HR because he said that after she told him about it he “had to tell HR”. I gathered from things the Boss said that she had tried to put the brakes on it. Well I’m in a situation where if I am friendly to her it might seem like I am being friendly because I have to be, with HR standing over my head ready to smack me down for “retaliation”. I want to communicate to her that I am totally fine that she moved to protect herself and that I am genuinely friendly with her because I want to be not because I am being forced to be. Otherwise our friendship might not grow because she might njot be able to trust my smile nor I hers, since my Boss and HR, did a pretty good job of making me doubt that she truly likes me and she might have just been friendly this past couple of weeks to avoid being persecuted by me. How do I find out if I can really be friends with her? Is it a lost cause? Should I just nod and smile and say “Hi, how are ya” in passing with out looking for any more depth like HR and the Boss want me to do? I feel like it might be on me to say something this Friday because I if I say nothing then she will probably think I am resentful.