Worried that I'll never find anyone


#1

Hey, I was just wondering if there are any members here who thought they were hopeless in finding their special someone but it all turned out in the end? I could really use some inspiration and prayers. Thank you.


#2

I think we’ve all been there at one time or other. Posting about it on the net won’t help, though. Get out there and find someone. :wink:


#3

I sure felt that way 20+ years ago before I got married to the love of my life. I was resigned to being single after years of searching. I will suggest you participate in e5men.org/. This is good for both married people and those wishing to be married.

Most important, know that if it is God’s will for you to be married, that person is already out there and chosen for you. Be strong in this test of faith, continue to pray (not prey! :stuck_out_tongue: ), be patient and fast with the men and women of E5.

I pray the peace of Christ will be with you this joyous season celebrating his birth.


#4

After a sixteen year marriage where I was never desired I was left to rear our six young children alone. I was so scarred by the daily rejection I lived with in that marriage that I deliberately did not date for about 8-10 years. In the beginning the “I don’t date” reply made sense, but towards the 4th year even I knew that something wasn’t right. But still, I could not even consider handing my life over to someone who could treat me with such contempt and carelessness.

One day I met a man, in the changing of my art exhibits, (I’m an artist), with whom conversation was natural and easy. He was gallant and a gentleman and as I was in a “business” situation (he worked at the agency where my art was hanging) I didn’t feel threatened. So I somehow let this man in under my radar.

To make a long story short, we fell deeply in love… I have never been so desired and treasured in my life, his goal in life is to know me as well as possible and treat me like a princess. He is handsome, kind and gentle, strong and a wonderful husband to me and stepdad to my children, who truly love him. He is extremely intelligent and our conversations range from the silly to the sublime. We pray the rosary together every day, go to adoration and share mass in such deep ways… he is my lover, my best friend, my protector and partner and there is no one on earth I would rather be with than my husband. We have been married nearly three years and it gets more exciting and wonderul everyday if that were possible. I adore him and feel adored by him.

So even though I went out of my way to avoid all male companionship, wouldn’t even date anyone because I was so afraid it would lead to something serious, still, God’s will for me prevailed. As the old saying goes, “Man proposes and God disposes.”

I think the main thing to do is to keep yourself co-operating with God’s will is to keep in prayer. If God has a partner for you in mind then it will happen if you keep to His will, if not, then things will work out just as wonderfully if you keep to His will. His will is all goodness for us and the main thing is to keep in prayer so that we more naturally follow His will for us.


#5

I didn’t even meet my wife until I was 35 and she was 34. We married (first marriage for both of us) when I was 38 and she was 37. Now we’re 42 and 41, with two awesome little boys.

Each of us could’ve married earlier in life had we been willing to “settle,” but luckily, we both waited to find each other.

Sometimes I envy people who married at 21, but the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence – plenty of people who married young probably envy my having 22 years of dating (from 16 to 38). That’s worth remembering – some people probably envy you precisely because you’ve got the freedom to keep looking, whereas they married young, possibly before knowing what they were doing.

The one really difficult thing is being 15 years older than the parents of the other kids our sons’ age. Ever give a shoulder-ride to a toddler when you’ve got a disc protrusion? :eek:


#6

The best advice I’ve always heard on this subject was to draw nearer to God. Let God show you what your purpose and destiny is in The Kingdom of Heaven and pursue that Heavenly Destiny for yourself.

Then, when you are running after God’s will as fast as you can, look around and see if anyone is chasing God as hard as you are.

“Seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and these things will be added unto you.” This scripture popped into my head as I was typing my response.


#7

I had just about given up on my two eldest daughters, 35 and 32, in fact the younger one never even had a date until she was in her twenties. The older one had one bad relationship after another and had just about given up on men. Now they are both engaged to be married in 2008. Both to very nice guys, I might add. :thumbsup:


#8

You are singing a familiar tune. I too was worried I’d never find anyone. Or worse yet settle for the wrong one. After some disasterous dating I did two things. I took 6 months off to get myself straight inside my own head. I also made a list. I had things that I would not compromise on under any circumstances. Things like being willing to work, and church attendence and activity. To things I would like like being a good dances. My now spouse hit all of my must haves and most of my wants even though he doesn’t dance :). Knowing what you are not going to accept helps you keep your head on straight when the hormones are raging.


#9

I don’t have any stories of mine, but I’ve read quite a lot here. Sometimes things don’t work out for some reason until a later age.

You know, I’m probably the last person to talk in this thread because I’m single, but the more I think about it, the more it seems to me that my attempts so far have been misguided, that I’ve missed a good chance or two (altough they don’t really feel life-breaking) because of my not being prepared, not having enough knowledge or experience to assess the situation etc. Also, the longer I live and the more I study or spend time with people, the more I discover about what kind of woman I would like to spend the rest of my life with and it’s not like I’m 100% sure I won’t one day end up a priest or something. You just never know what happens until it happens. Probably the best thing to do is to enjoy what you have now instead of thinking about what you don’t have. Being single means having a lot of time. You can freely engage in hobbies, you can learn and study, or if you want to be around people and even around children, there’s always something you can do for the community or the needy. If you want family life, there’s a growing number of nephews and nieces, perhaps some godchildren. If you need contact, conversation, a hug, a coffee outside, there are friends. There’s always something and there are certainly good sides of being single that won’t be there any more when you’re married. Perhaps it’s a time that shouldn’t be wasted.

As for tips about what to do to meet more people, be attractive and so on, I believe others will offer better advice. I’m a bit eccentric, so to say, so my social life is a bit… different. :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley: Courage, anyway. :wink: Trust and pray. You’re not alone. God loves you more than any mortal could and that’s not something which could be replaced by anything. :thumbsup:


#10

Honestly, I think everyone feels this way at one time or another.

I was 38 and DH 43 when we married. Neither of us had been previously married. Many times we thought we would not find anyone to share our lives with, and then we met each other online through Ave Maria.


#11

I feel experienced enough to advise you big time on this one. Don’t worry about it. I spent years doing that - and you know what it got me? Nothing.

First of all - remember that the word "hopeless" has no place in our Catholic religion.

Second - If you’re seriously interested in finding someone to marry, seek in all the right places. ***Not just anyplace ***singles hang out - ***but the right singles sources ***! (i.e. church gatherings, religious singles groups, and while I wouldn’t encourage internet dating, I will say AveMariaSingles.com comes to mind as a positive source).

Third, ***ask all the right sources ***- God and Our Lady; St. Anthony, patron of lost things (so, just ask him to “find” you the right person); St. Jude, patron of despaired cases and the powerful Infant Jesus of Prague Novena - nine hours, one day.

Again, don’t worry about it - don’t turn into a couch potato but don’t turn down an evening at home in exchange for the wrong places outside. Don’t worry about biological clocks, age or whatever society’s statistics tell you. Do the right thing, live your life and put your trust in God.

Good luck - it’s a tough world out there.


#12

I feel your worry. I’m 43 and am very discouraged. But I agree with the posters here. Keep praying, keep looking (in the right places) and, if it’s God’s will, it will happen. I do believe that. I have to.

Keep praying!


#13

Syphon -

Hi - Don’t give up. I felt the same way - to the point of dispair. Stay AWAY from dating services; get out there and look for a nice man. I’m 35 - and it finally happened. Now I’m worried that I won’t have kids, but that’s another story. Even if I got married at 23, there are no guarantees…

Anyway - Don’t settle for anyone - wait for the right one. You will find them.

  • TK

#14

Hi

‘Hey, I was just wondering if there are any members here who thought they were hopeless in finding their special someone but it all turned out in the end? I could really use some inspiration and prayers. Thank you.’

It depends on where you live and how strongly you adhere to the catholic cult rules. Here in the UK most people pick and choose the bits that they like. As for those that follow everything to the letter ……… well I know 3 women like that and they are all single with little chance of finding anyone.

Really ……… do yourself a favour and turn your back on the church. If your in the Uk the cult will be dead within a few decades anyway, weekly mass attendance is dropping like a stone ……. Ok, so due to all the polish immigrants its held flat for the last couple of years, but the downward trend will continue.

All the best

Andy


#15

I felt the same way for years. I accepted the fact that I would always be single. Then, out of the blue, I met a wonderful man when I was 35. We married when I was 38 and he was 36. It is a first marriage for both of us. He, too, had given up hopes of finding the right person to marry.

Never say never. Tomorrow could be the day you meet the love of your life.


#16

May I ask you the following:

  1. Are you male or female?
  2. How old are you?
  3. Where (roughly) are you located?

I do have to disagree, however, with the notion that your spouse is already pre-chosen for you. We all have to do “our part”, so to speak. Besides, the Cathechism indirectly implies that we choose our spouses. The reason I bring this up is that if we go through life thinking that our spouse will be beamed down into our driveway when God thinks we are ready, we could easily become lazy. As a priest once asked me in confession, “Do you make yourself available?” Tonight is New Years Eve - perhaps there is a Catholic event where there will be single people in your age group (I know I will be heading off in an hour or two to one). I’ll pray that you can “hit it off” with someone. Please pray similarly for me.


#17

Granted I got married pretty young- 25 but I too thought I would never be married. All through high school and college when all my friends had a new boyfriend every month or so I never dated anyone. Finally my senior year of college I met who I thought was a nice guy-long story short- He just wanted to 'get some" and I was giving so that ended that. After that I decided to stop worrying about it- I did what I could- went out- reluctantly joined my church’s young adult group, went overseas on a volunteer mission, traveled to a few forgien countries (basically I did some things I had always wanted to do) and then I met my husband. Don’t be afraid to get out there to places where good catholic people go!! Join parish stuff, volunteer.ohhh and a quick funny story- after being with that the loser guy I mentioned above I was pretty afraid I would never find the right guy- I prayed for a while that if I was meant to get married that I would meet my future Dh at my church and that is how I would know he was the right one… and guess where I meant my DH?? At my church and yes he was the right one… But I had to go to that church for about 3 years before that prayer was answered!!! You will be in my prayers!!! ohh and Don’t try to hard- God will make it happen when you least expect it!!


#18

I had a job in a highly male dominated field upon graduating from college and met literally hundreds of men in a matter of about 6 months, none seemed to fit. I thought I was sooooo wierd and that it was a sign I’d never find anyone. I eventually did meet and marry my husband, and looking back on it I see that I was nowhere near ready before the time I met him. So you never know, your time may not have yet come.

Also, I used to tell myself - meeting someone is not like anything else. We’re so used to “working up to” something wonderful - like gaining years experience and educating ourselves in a certain field before we reap the big reward. You could meet someone tomorrow right out of the blue. You really do not need to kiss a thousand toads as they say.


#19

you’ll get there if it’s in God’s will. It probably is


#20

I’m pretty much resigned to the single life. I’ve done the dating bit both online and in the real world as well as getting out and about. I’m burned completely burned out. I still seem to meet the same type of guys…commitment phobics, players or divorced. As I can’t date a divorced guy that kind of limits my options to 0. Of course I’m in my late 30s so that makes it even harder. I’ve pretty much put myself on the not dating list. It doesn’t seem worth the bother… I would like to have the kind of solid relationship my parents had and would love to have children and feeling the calling to do so but unless someone pretty spectacular shows up I’m not interested in even pursuing a relationship anymore. Especially since the guys I like aren’t interested in me and vice versa. But I guess that’s just life.
:shrug: :blush:


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