I sort of need to know something sort of urgently as I’m making myself really poorly worrying about it. I’m really worried that should I die I’ll go to hell.
I got married for the second time last October, I thought I was getting married for life, at the time the guy knew I had issues with my health and fertility. In January he said he wasn’t sure if we could still be together, he cited these issues and that he was struggling with coming to terms with the fact he might never be a father, he was also struggling about my health getting worse. I was never allowed to speak to my family when I was with him, he was really funny about me speaking to anyone other than a few friends I had.
A few weeks ago he came to the decision that we were to split, recently I’ve been really poorly and he was struggling to cope with everything. He’s totally adamant that we’ll never get back together again, its quite shocking really how quickly he’s managed to get over it all. The other day I went to his in tears and he was quite cold, he seems to be looking forward to his new life that doesn’t have the burden of me in it.
When I got married the first time I had a son who is now approaching 4, I was discussing the separation with my ex husband as it was going to impact my son. My marriage was made null and void before I married husband number 2 just to let you know. We split due to domestic violence issues, he’s had intensive anger management therapy and all that kind of thing to deal with his problems and he’s totally full of remorse for what he did to me, he’s adamant that it would never happen again. When I was discussing me splitting up from my current husband and he suggested that he helped, I said I was reluctant due to previous issues but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, should they occur again I would be out immediately.
My first husband knows about my health issues and everything, he offered to help, having me move in with him. We’ve remained good friends as parents have too. With my care needs and everything like that he really has been totally amazing looking after me so far. The guy I’ve just left seemed to get totally bored with me being ill and all that, it just felt that he was eager to leave and not have the burden of me.
I wondered where I stood in reference to sin and being able to receive the sacrament and that kind of thing. I’m really scared that should I die I will go to hell.
My first husband is keen once I have grieved the loss of my second husband (who is being totally awful to me at the moment) that we may rekindle things, he’s even mentioned that he would get married again in the future as I’m the mother to his child he holds me very dear as a friend, obviously he’s hoping for more. I should mention my first husband is also a Catholic. He says that he thinks this is an opportunity from God to prove he has changed and make a real difference in my life. It’s so amazing being able to speak to my family again, I think I’ve already said they totally give their blessing.
I know some hardcore Catholics will say I’m in the wrong, but you really should understand I needed to move somewhere I could get the help I need for my health issues, I needed someone who could support me through all of this, I do feel sort of blessed to have someone there for me who is so supportive, if things progress in the future then its a case of taking things step by step, I won’t have any sexual relations before marriage or anything like that as its something that is important to me.
I hope you can see that I’m in total turmoil as to my situation at the moment, I think the most amazing thing is my little boy has his mummy and daddy back together again, we had split custody before as he was always a fantastic father and my family regard him highly.
I know I’ve said this a few times, but I’m literally being sick with panic that should I die I will go to hell as even thought the relationship has ended I am still technically married. My current husband has looked to divorce me already as he’s keen to do this quickly to move on with his life, but he can’t do that until we’ve been married a year.