Would being a SAHM be easier and more natural


#1

…if you lived with the extended family like in the olden days? No loneliness, plenty of adult interaction, even MORE kids around, so they can all play together, but also more adults, so the kids are supervised at all times and some housework can actually get done!

I know a few young women who live with their in-laws b/c the couple can’t afford a place to live (post-war Serbia…). They have someone to talk to during the day. They can work, or even go out a bit w/o the kids, who are being taken care of by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and not strangers in daycare. They all share in the housework, so no one has to do a lot.

They, however, need more patience, submission, and love to get along with everyone, and it’s sometimes far from easy.

So what do you think? Would it be easier to be a SAHM if you lived with the extended family, provided, of course, that they are sane, reasonable people who at least don’t judge your faith, if they’re not practicing Christians?


#2

What is SAHM?


#3

Oh - stay at home mum - yes I tried that and slowly went insane from lonliness. It might have been better had I had a good support network behind me but I didn’t.


#4

Of course it would - in fact, all of our lives would be better if we went back to the way God designed us to live!


#5

Depends on the family :stuck_out_tongue: I voted no because I’m happy with my life as it is–if it’s not broken, don’t fix it! I think if we lived with our non-Catholic family we would have much more stress. Living in our own little unit means that we can raise our kids how we see fit, we can have our altar in the middle of our home, we can ditch the TV service, etc. I don’t want our Catholic lifestyle and parenting style to be undermined.


#6

I definitively would not want to live with extended family. I like my privacy, I would not want to deal with other family members ideas on how I should parent my child etc. Living with extended family ranks up in the nightmarish category. I love my extended family but I don’t want to spend every day with them. It would definitively not be easier for me to be a SAHM in such a situation.


#7

I agree with “everyone would be better off” but HOW DID GOD Intend us to live? I believe scripiture states (not word for word)
man leaves his Parents when he gets married.
God gave us a Brain to use, So now we have technology with that an (a supposed) easier life

so anyways How I ask did God intend us to live, Is there someone whom truely Knows and is not just assuming how things should be?

things to keep the mind working …

John


#8

I agree with this. And I also feel that a husband and wife need a certain level of privacy that can never be had if living with extended family.

~Liza


#9

I suspect it might be easier if that was the kind of lifestyle with which one grew up and if it was typical for the community in which one lives. I question whether it could be easier for someone used to a different lifestyle.

There are problems with extended family living and there are problems with more individual family settings. There always have been and there always will be. I’m not so sure the problems were ever that much different from what they are now.

But people get used to their kind of problems. There will be some pioneering types who like the gamble of exchanging old problems for new ones. But the majority usually prefer to stick with the familiar problems rather risk a change that could make things worse.


#10

We have much evidence of how families lived during the “Biblical” times. Good history and related sciences have written vast amounts.


#11

I’d live near them but not with them. Too many people in one place would stress me out and I’d want to have some alone time w/my (future) hubby.


#12

Is that the model that God intended? The family life of “biblical times”?? :confused:
I’m just confused by your comments?


#13

God created people, and set us up in families - to be sent away from the family was punishment! When people were married, they might move into another tent or room within the household - but, extended families lived in patriarchal communities.

My Scriptires left out the passage that said “and effective in 1950 in the US and Europe, all families should separate into units of two parents and those children”.

It is funny how we see everything through modern Western eyes :slight_smile:

Amazingly enough, there are still people who live in extend family communities on earth today :eek: Even CIVILIZED people!!!


#14

If I were a SAHM, I agree, it would be easier if there was an extended family network established and close so that I wouldn’t loose my mind to lonliness and madness from being stuck home all day.
But back in “olden times” women didn’t just “stay at home” like they do now. They were working, out in the fields, or spinning yarn, or washing clothes, or whatever…
They weren’t attending to their children 24/7… they were home because the home was work.
Today we don’t have to spin our own yarn, or wash our clothes by hand, or work out in the fields… so a SAHM isn’t as busied by these “jobs” that required attending to while she was at home.
So I can understand how being a SAHM is difficult these days… emotionally and mentally draining on the woman to not have her mind busied by these “jobs” while tending to her children at the same time.

It is sad that people in today’s modern western world live far apart from their relatives… that’s difficult and a burden for today’s families… I agree!


#15

This would be my ideal. :thumbsup:


#16

I think it depends on personality I guess. Right now I work 1 day a week for 5 hours so I’m pretty much a stay at home mom.

I have always been a “homebody”. Growing up I loved being alone in my room to the point where my parents became very concerned. I prefer curling up with a book to a shopping spree -not that I had time to read when my daughter was younger. I don’t worry about “just” being a stay at home mom and not a career woman. I don’t struggles of feeling of worth.

I like being home, I do not feel lonely or stuck at home. I have adult conversation once my hubby gets home, plus I have life long friends I regularly chat with (and of course the forum :slight_smile: ).Having other living people in my home other then hubby and child would make me stressed.

I run into the same thing with some homeschooling groups -I like a group I belong to that is geared toward kids activities and discussing teaching methods -what’s new out there etc. But many mom left because they didn’t feel there was enough “support”, not enough time to discuss feelings, frustrations etc. I don’t need warm fuzzy support -it’s not my personality.

My bestfriend really struggles with those exact feelings many SAHM talk about and needs to get out or she gets depressed. I really do feel for her and other mom’s who have such struggles. My bestfriend temporarily lived with family while her and her husband were buidling a house and she cried when they left. I know some people love the idea of living with family. I am not one of those people. I think we have to realize there are some people that love the idea and some hate it and neither is better than the other. Nor is one more God like or biblical.


#17

I couldn’t vote because I had a compromise…

I would love extended family nearby, even in the same neighborhood/town.

Living with that many people? That’s asking for craziness. You have to remember that in the olden days everyone had very similar goals…tend to the family and to the farm, for example.

I can just imagine living with extended family now…adults all working at different places, grams wanting to go on bus trips…teens staying out all hours of the night and kids going to sports. Everyone has their own goals and they can be radically different, making a schedule very hard to keep!


#18

I don’t know, that’s why I posted the poll. :smiley:

I voted ‘yes’, but my heart wasn’t wholly in it. I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I feel so frustrated and going slightly mad for being imprisoned in this house for months with a preverbal being (well, she did say ‘mama’ and ‘hey’ :shrug: ) I’m a pretty solitary person and used to be able to go w/o people for days, but being alone WITH a baby is somehow different. So I’m just trying to understand what’s wrong.

I love my independence, and can’t imagine living with extended family… but maybe that’s just b/c I love having things my way, and a bit more of submission and obedience to others wouldn’t hurt me :o .


#19

I guess I grew up in an extended family, as did my husband. My great-grandmother, grandmother (mother’s side) and my father’s unmarried sister all lived with us. My parents also were legal guradians of my father’s 2 godchildren after the death of their parents. I think at times it was hard on my mother and she often says that my great-grandmother raised me and she was determined not to let my great-grand mother raise my sister. On the other hand, she was able to spend a portion of each day fising or playing golf, neither of which whe would have been able to do without exteneded family living with us. Also the housework got done relatively quickly leaving a lot of time for hobbies, play etc for everyone, not just my mother.
My husband grew up with his grandparents living in the same house, his other grandparents lived 5 minutes away and his aunt and uncle lived next door. Again it gave him and his brother plenty of people to interact with and cousins to play with. This was quite normal in Japanese families and is still normal in rural families.
Gearoidin


#20

NO!

Oh my goodness… no no no no no no no… Not my family anyway. Perish the thought!:bigyikes:


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