If my dad irritated me to some point that I slammed my fist on the table as an indirect way of expressing my frustration and anger to him, would this be a grave sin of anger?
No. Venial at max. Mortal sin would be when it reaches the desire of murder.
Nope, but I’ll bet it hurts. Now, if you hit your father out of frustration - that would be a grave sin. Do no harm. Peace.
I do believe you should find a way to control your anger. Why did you get so mad? Everything can be settled rationally. It takes discipline. I will pray for you.
There is also the consideration of how the other person perceives the slamming of one’s fist on the table in anger or frustration. If the other person were to interpret that action as a threat of violence , it isn’t all that different from hitting them.
St. Paul would probably have something to say to both parties:
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged.
I remember something very similar happening between me and my mother when I was younger. The only difference was that I slammed my fist on a door (I guess because I wasn’t near a table when it happened ;))
A little bit later I decided that I would apologize to her - not because I agreed with her (she was really pestering me incessantly) , but because as my mother , she still deserved my respect. But I had to wait until the next day to do it - after things had calmed down a bit.
These occasions can be great opportunities for us to repair the damage ourselves , and to forgive and to be forgiven.
There is a quote which is usually attributed to Mark Twain ( though some will assert that Twain said or wrote it within the context of a “novelistic persona”, since his own father died when he was just 11 years old) :
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” — Mark Twain
Anger, one of the irascible appetites, is an emotion and never a sin as it not willed. If the object of one’s anger is a present evil then one’s anger moves one to do good, that is remove oneself from the present evil.
If, however, what one’s father was doing that stirred one to anger was neutral or good then one’s anger is misplaced and one’s actions out of misplaced anger are disordered.
CCC 2302 By recalling the commandment, “You shall not kill,” our Lord asked for peace of heart and denounced murderous anger and hatred as immoral.
Anger is a desire for revenge. “To desire vengeance in order to do evil to someone who should be punished is illicit,” but it is praiseworthy to impose restitution “to correct vices and maintain justice.” If anger reaches the point of a deliberate desire to kill or seriously wound a neighbor, it is gravely against charity; it is a mortal sin. The Lord says, “Everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment.”