Would this be a sin if I did this?


#1

My 18 year old son wants to go to disney world for his graduation. He wants to go with his good friend, who happens to be a girl. Two separate hotel rooms would be expensive. Would I be committing a sin if I booked one room with 2 beds? My son promised they would each be in their separate beds. He insists that she is not his girlfriend and they are just friends. He’s a good kid that’s never done anything before to make me not believe him. I just know that as his mother I have to answer to God, and I don’t want to intentionally put him in a scenario of temptation. Do I sacrifice and pay double for 2 rooms? Thanks for any input.


#2

You can always ask a priest.

With regard to sins of the flesh, are stemmed from our weakness to fight what feels good but is wrong in the wrong context.

Most people can think about times they didn’t intend for something to happen, but it does, we are weak.

Providing an environment for that to occur might be sinful, ask a priest.

But buying two rooms doesn’t change anything if they are going on their own either, they just get to pick a room. Surely time will be spent in a room, regardless of how many rooms there are to pick from.

Another aspect to sin is that we must be careful with scandal. We want our actions to not confuse others. Even if no sin occurs, those who see them come and go from one room, will not be thinking brother and sister. All of the family and friends at home that have lived through those years would not assume they could beat back that kind of temptation.

Now, introduce a responsible parent with them and one room might be fine as scandal can be shot down with a witness. But the temptation is still there.

This is a tough one, maybe one of those, ‘if you have to ask, it’s probably not a good thing to do’.


#3

Will there be an adult going with them?
If so, presumably the adult will have his or her own room.
So the adult shares a room with the teen of the same sex. The other teen gets to sleep alone.
No adult? Best to avoid occasions of sin, and best to avoid the risk of giving scandal.


#4

1 boy and 1 girl 18 year olds in the same hotel room, far from home?

Are you serious?

That is SO wrong on so many levels, so much so that I’m surprised a parent has to ask:

  1. Yes, in case one must ask: It presents a huge temptation, even if nothing objectively wrong is planned.
  2. Even if nothing wrong is planned, “stuff happens.”
  3. It does in fact give occasion to scandal, even if no “stuff” happens.
  4. Above and beyond the obvious concept of sex, this sort of trip basically lets young people enjoy “perks” of being married, without actually being married. It’s “playing married.”

Note I am assuming that no parent is along. That is unclear from the original post.

I adhere to the concept that the first time a man & woman should travel alone together is on their honeymoon.

Also, Judaism has a concept that could be paraphrased as “building a wall around the Torah,” which essentially translates as “staying far away from bad things, so as to never even come close to approaching them.” A trip like this, at a minimum, even if it’s not “black and white” (and I happen to think it is), is at least morally dark gray.

PS I do not like the concept of “asking a priest is X is a sin,” as a) it undercuts our own well-formed consciences; and b) it assumes the priest has any better know-how than we do, which – particularly as to issues involving sexuality – I happen to think they know less than, for example, a happily-married couple of 25 years. If I needed marital/love/sex advice, I’d be much more apt to ask the respected married couple before I asked the priest. Just my 2 cents.

Every parent thinks their son is a “good kid,” who’d never ever do bad things. Guess what? Many “good kids” do do “bad things,” intentionally or not, and even those who don’t intend to, often get caught up in the moment and stuff happens. NO parent ever ought to deliberately allow an 18 year old to be in situation where that can happen.


#5

Actually, the OP’s son, being 18, is an adult. (However, I’m guessing he’s not in a position to pay for the room.)

In regards to his friend–what about her parents? Are they paying her share at all? How old is she? What has been discussed with her parents about this trip?

Regards,
Indigo


#6

I have 4 sons. Two have been invited on such trips and we have said no. Vacationing with a girl, any girl happens when you are married. If they are friends they can spend the day doing something close by-or you go with them and let them have their day alone in the park. It’s a slippery slope. If I were the parent of the girl I wouldn’t be excited no matter how nice and respectable your son surely is. Is he really prepared to be responsible for her if another guy/group of guys hassles them in the hotel? Stuff happens to young people out pretending to be grown-up. Allowing this now opens the door for future negotiations when a different girl/relationship occurs. You will wish you had set the boundary now. As far as the sinful part? I’m not positive but I would accuse myself of not setting a good example I think. It’s a tough one I’m sure.


#7

I would say yes to the Disney World trip but no to taking the friend. You go and enjoy the time with your son!


#8

In three months these young people will be away from home and living in dorms, (if they are like the kids at my daughters school), so when are you going to begin to trust that you have done a good job parenting, on the day you wave goodbye at the university? I would try and get other kids to go along and make it a group activity. Here in California Disneyland is open all night for the graduates and the supervision is quite good. I’ve been a chaperone teacher several times. As far as scandal is concerned, I certainly don’t know who this would scandalize - maybe busybodies who have no business being involved in your parenting decisions. I would be much more worried about who is driving on this trip than what anyone else thinks. Yes, I realize that I’m going to be flamed on this thread for my point of view, but oh well, if you can’t trust your 18 year old now, why would you trust him more in three months??:shrug:


#9

Since he is 18, he is responsible for his own actions including paying for his trip to Disney World. If he wants to go with his “friend”, then let him pay for it; give him something else for graduation. Booking 2 separate rooms prevents nothing.


#10




#11

Oh for the love of…Some of the responses here have made me literally cringe.

OP, you know your child best. Unless you suspect him to be a nymphomaniac and you have no reason to doubt his statement that he and this lady are friends there is no reason to treat the two (like some of the posters are suggesting) like sex addicts.

I confess I find it surprising they are willing to share a room with one another but perhaps that is testament to the strength of their friendship.

If they’re going to have sex with one another having two separate rooms won’t do squat, they’ll just stay in the one anyway.


#12

I don’t see a problem with it. If his graduation present request was to go to Disney World I think he is much more interested in Disney than having sex with his friend who happens to be a girl. It really is “the most wonderful place in the world”.

Now if they were in a serious “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship then I would say NO WAY to them going alone. You could go with them and your son could sleep in your room and the girl in her own room. You should pay for the girl’s room because she is your son’s guest. You don’t have to stay at an expensive hotel or resort. Kissimmee, FL is about five miles from Disney and they have Motel 6, Econo Lodge, etc. You can do your own thing when the kids are at the parks during the day. Hang out at the pool, great restaurants, etc. Even go to the park with them one day.

Sounds like two friends wanting to have an AWESOME vacation. It’s very generous of you to even consider paying for it. Just remind your son that this will be the LAST vacation you pay for. He’s on his own after this. :smiley:


#13

I agree that two rooms does NOTHING to prevent anything. I don’t think this is necessarily about sex and I don’t see any posters referring to them being sex addicts. This is about two young people taking an overnight vacation together. The OP seemed to be wondering about the “appropriatness” of it. That’s what the OP asked about. She was pretty confident nothing would happen and clearly trusts her son and his friend. And,you don’t have to be a busy body to be the parent of one of their friends and hear all about the boy and girl who went overnight to disney together and stayed at a hotel together, so like it or not there’s the potential for scandal. Go as a group-find another girl and boy. There’s safety in numbers in all of the parts of the trip including driving and staying overnight in a hotel.


#14

Not really, it’s only really Catholics who seem to think this would be scandalous. I don’t think most people would automatically jump to the conclusion that “scandalous activity” took place.

A few Gossip munching vultures might care, but I honestly don’t know a single person aside from the ultra-devout who would even really think twice about this.

I would actually agree with you having a larger group would be safer, but the OP also sounded as if she was having to bring cost into consideration :slight_smile:


#15

Wow, some rough replies, here.

Look, your son is 18. He’s graduating, and he has a good friend that happens to be a girl. He’s told you that they are not dating. Do you think it’s necessary to watch him like a hawk?

It’s not like they’re moving in together. They’re going to Disney World for goodness sake.

I can see why some consider it a bad idea, and in all fairness it’s not ideal, but I really think it’s an overreaction and it would be cruel and totally against the spirit of celebration to deny your son the opportunity to see Disney World with his friend. You’ve made it clear how you feel to him already.

I don’t think it’s likely that your son and his friend will fall into mortal sin while they’re in Disney World.

You could trust your son’s judgment in sending him off to have a nice time with a treasured friend which he may barely see again if they go separate ways after school.

Nevertheless, the decision is not one you should make based on my own input. I could be leading astray with my own poor judgment.


closed #16

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