Healing this is not easy and requires that you both are willing to work hard to create an environement that healing can take place. Ive seen marriages fully restored by doing the things I’m going to describe.
Rebuilding trust will involve him accepting and behaving as a person who is not worthy of it anymore. As a person who lost something too valuable to not do whatever necessary to have again.That means maintaining whatever level of communication that prevents you from re-experiencing feelings of abandonement. That means informing you if he isn’t where you expect him to be. He must account for his time and blame himself for any embarassment or humiliation he feels. He must strive for presenting you with and being a person who would never do this to you. He needs to become a person who you would think could never purposely damage your trust. For your part if trust isn’t renewed in you, you must begin treating him as someone you trust even if you don’t. You have to pretend like you trust him and strive to not allow your feelings of distrust poison the family environment.
I’ve seen the damage caused by full blown infidelity healed this way.
A touching story of healing I can relate happened to a newlywed couple.I know
In the first month of their marriage she didn’t come back from a visit with her brother and her whereabouts were unknown untill she returned home the following afternoon. The evening she was gone was not accounted for in a way that satisfied reason for such a complete absence. No call, no way to contact, complete abandonement with reasons completely lacking the seriousness required for such an inc ident. I mean she wasn’t buried in an avalanche or taken hostage at a bank or anything. Finally she admitted to spending the night in the arms of her exhusband. He decided it was too much and decided to call it quits. This, believe it or not, wasn’t included in her assessement of possible results for her actions. When she realized she had destroyed their newly formed marriage she was willing to do anything to restore it. She did precisely what I described above and was willing to do it for however long it took to heal her husband. They preserved a peacefull existence, but once or twice a month he would need to discuss how she could cheat on him and who she loved more him or the ex, in short he doubted her love for him. This would fill an entire evening sometimes two and reduced her to a sobbing wreck every time. In other words he would kind of need to talk it out every few weeks or so even though she was accepting herself as unworthy of his trust and enduring any humiliation and even these cyclic episodes without a hint of complaint.
On their first anniversary they had just been going through one of these struggles the day before and neither had planned anything special. He was reflecting over the year gone buy and was confused as to why things weren’t working out. He blamed it on the depth of the hurt she had caused and was unable to appreciate how focused her life had been on restoring their love. She went upstairs and prayed for God to give her whatever it was that he needed from her. At that moment she said she began seeing the last year like a movie film but not as herself. She was being shown the year from his eyes. It broke her heart. Downstairs he suddenly saw her as having been a very good wife for what could be called the entire year. She had been a good wife he made cry every few weeks without fail like an appointment that couldn’t be missed… As he was becoming aware of this he saw her face in his mind crying. He had for the past year a very good wife who’s love was sacrificial and precious. He had been a husband who need to rehash history had made a deeply loving wife cry systematically without fail continuously. Her crying face didn’t register in his mind as something worth consideration before. Now the image of her crying face was indeibly etched in his mind and it seemed to reappear periodiclly just as he had made it happen and would moved him to bury his face into hands and weep every time.
This was their present from God on their first anniversary and they never experienced the cyclic episodes again. Their love had grown stronger than it ever was before.:bighanky::heaven::bounce:
Oh I forgot to mention that he was a lapsed c\Catholic who returned home and she became Catholic. This experience was a beginning of a life of faith and renewal and a properly ordered matrimonial bond.