Would you have another baby?


#1

Before I pose my question, I am fully aware that the answer to my question needs lots of discernment of both myself and my husband. I just want to see what would someone in my situation do, get pregnant or not?

I have been discerning for some time about whether or not to have another child. We have one daughter, who is 7 and really would like a sister or brother. Before I injured my back and way before marriage, I use to say that I wanted a large family and part of me still does. Here is the problem. I have two really.

First problem is that I have a very bad back. I have had 3 back surgeries with no lasting result or cure of back pain. I have other medical problems that also make the pain worse, like TMJ disorder and pain in the jaw with neck and headaches. I have fibromyalgia which is pain all over my body which probably came from first injuring my back. Basically, I have to wear a narcotic pain patch to increase my pain and be able to live with less pain. I am never completely pain free. I take many medications for muscle spasm and pain. When I first got married, I did not know of NFP and therefore, I got pregnant right away, which is a blessing for at least I have one child. I have also been in 6 car accidents, none my fault, keep getting rear ended. This is my first obsticle to pregnancy.

Second problem is a husband who had a very traumatic and abusive childhood. His temper can go from angry to rage in seconds. He is much better, but has his moments. Thank God he is better. He is not going to Holy Hour, started this week, and daily Mass which he started last month. He is trying to become better. He has been going to weekly confession for months also. He stilll needs healing from the past and unlearn a lot of bad behavior he learned from his parents.

Those are my two major reasons to hold off on one child. I am 42 years old and not getting younger. I have to make a decision soon for my periods are heavy and I am not anemic. I have been on iron pills but still very anemic and tired all the time. My GYN doctors wants me to make a decision of two ways to decrease my flow. One is birth control pills and the other is a D&C and burning the interior of my uterus. The latter one is the one she said will make any future pregnancy out of the question. Part of me doesn’t want not getting pregnant so permanent.

I have asked priests about this and one of them said that I can not run away from pain and suffering and should have another baby. One other priest said that God gave us common sense and if I was not going to be able to care physically for another baby and my daughter and husband, that I should not get pregnant again.

I do use NFP and not artificial means to prevent pregnancy.

What would you do?


#2

Wow. I have no idea what I’d do in your place, unless I was there too. I think it’s pretty neat that you are even considering it though. Many people wouldn’t. I hope God sends you a clear answer soon.

If you did choose to endure the extra pain to have one more child, though,…wow…what a sacrifice of love!


#3

I can definitely sympathize with you nana3. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and other related pain conditions too and we just had our first child. It is so much harder than I ever imagined (and I imagined it being pretty tough, lol).

** I am still at the point where I wonder how I will chase after a toddler and keep her safe and how I will play with her or even be able to lift her (which is almost impossible now and she is only 3 months old:() . So the thought of having *another ***child brings me to tears. We want more but don’t know if it’s going to be possible.


So I can’t help you make your decision as I have no idea what I should do, but just wanted you to know that someone out here in cyberspace understands… I too hope God gives you a clear answer…my prayers are with you.


Malia


#4

Malia, I will certainly keep you in prayer also. I know you know what I mean when it is difficult to care for the little one. I was able to chase after my daughter when she was a toddler, but she is now 7 years old and wants to “play” lots of things that I can’t do. She wants to run, ride bike etc. You know normal things parents do. I do play board games with her and mind games like “I spy” and she loves the time together. She does get upset when my back hurts and limits what I can do with her. Poor thing, she also has to suffer and make sacrifices, but she is learning it early in life. She keeps telling me that she will help me take care of the baby.

I did forget to mention that my husband is also disabled. He also has fibromyalgia and a feet problems. He has Parkinson’s disease as well that is controlled with medication for now. He helped a lot with our daughter and his balance is worse now and I don’t know if he would be able to carry the baby and bring him or her to me as he use to. :frowning:


#5

It would be a great chance to make this sacrifice of love, but I wonder if I could take care of another child. My husband will not be able to help to much, even though he would. Thanks for your words.


#6

With the caveat that no one can ever really answer this for another…a dispassionate bystander might observe that you have much to be concerned about in regards to taking on a pregnancy: chronic health complications, limited stamina, constant pain, reliance on powerful medication for daily functioning, advanced age, a young child who needs your care and a husband with a challenging past and present–who, from your own description, would not be a good candidate for solo parent if you became more disabled.

You also have much for which you can be grateful: a young, healthy daughter, regular access to health care, an intact marriage and family, your and your husband’s dedication to using faith to help face and overcome frailties. On the whole, perhaps it would be most fruitful to focus on the gifts you have with gratitude instead of focusing on what you lack/desire and turning your life upside down to get “more.” Grateful satisfaction and recognizing one’s reasonable capacity/limits can be virtues that are every bit as admirable as the generosity that leads to repeated openness to life.


#7

Have you received the sacrament of Annointing of the Sick? After being annointed, my brother was cured of a mysterious blood disorder that no specialists could figure out. It may not be a miracle cure for you, but the graces you would receive would be well worth it. At the least you will receive spiritual strength to cope with your situation. It really doesn’t take long at all–5 minutes tops. God bless you and your family.


#8

I understand how painful it is to long for another baby! I pray that God will gift you (and your dh) with the prudence and wisdom to discern what will best glorify Him in this difficult situation.


#9

You might consider adopting a child, possibly one just a couple years younger (or even older) than your daughter.


#10

Nana I am looking for the right words to say right now. You have problems of your own and put them aside when your sister needs your help. My heart is breaking for you right now I wish that I could just give you a hug and say that everything is going to be okay. I am so sorry that this is happening I wish I had the right words to say to you. But you have always asked people to pray for Norma and the kids but never for yourself. I will keep you in my prayers because you have also been a pillar of strength to me.

Ask God for guidance to show you what the right path is. Right now having another baby will be difficulty and with you and hubby both not been well it will be tough but I am sure that you guys can handle it if it is what God wants for you. I will pray for healing for you and also to help you decide on the baby issue. You have a loving, caring and supportive family who will help you when the need arises. You and your hubby need to sit down and decide but also way out the pro’s and con’s. And really sit down and think about it.

Remember that you are not alone that you have people out there who care about you and will be praying for you.


#11

I think you have it backwards, as we all do so much of the time. We must always be open to the gift (and it is always a gift) of life.
Rather than worrying over this issue, prudently seek to better your own health and to support your husband as to his efforts to improve the health of his soul, and trust whatever decision God, in His infinite wisdom, infallibly wills.
If you get pregnant it is God’s will. Love it and enjoy it!
If you are open to pregnancy and don’t, it is God’s will. Love it and enjoy it!


#12

I am so sorry for you dear, i have no experience in this life as i am still single, but i can reall sense how much you are suffering both physically and spiritually.

I do not know which words should say to you apart from saying prayer is the only thing can lead you. You know dear sometimes we forgot that God is able in everything. I believe if God want you to have another baby, will happen safely.

Put all your soul and mind to God, Holy Spirit will lead you. Make sure not going against his will. Tell God" we do not know if is your will to have another baby" God we believe you can fix everything in proper. He gave Sara a baby at her old age though she was not sick but God can do miracle in your life.

Will be praying for you dear.

God bless

Hug

Mary


#13

I am guessing that if you decided to have another child that you would have to go off of the medications you are currently on? You would have to consider that not only would you live in pain because of that, but your health would suffer. Since physical activity often increases fibromyalgia pain, a lot of people in that position would move less if they have no pain medicine. One of the first interventions for patients in hospitals is to get them moving! When you move less and lie in bed more, you breathe shallower and you are at increased risk for a host of health problems. Often patients are given medication for pain so that it will start to kick in when the physical/occupational therapist is working with them, for the express purpose of getting them to move more and not be inhibited by pain. Its about more than just living through pain, its about the health risk of not moving due to being in pain. Does your doctor know your thoughts about potentially getting pregnant? If not, I would get a realistic overview of what that would do to your health first. Because yes, you have a valid concern that you still need to care for yourself, your husband and your daughter too!


#14

I would not have seek to have another baby due to my health problems and my husband’s emotional health issues. If I were 42, I would worry about the increased possiblity of a child with special needs due to my maternal age. I think caring for the child would be very difficult under those circumstances.

So while I would do nothing artificial to prevent the pregnancy, I wouldn’t try for it either. That is just my opinion. I think you should earnestly seek God’s will for your life through prayer and allow Him to guide you.

You have my prayers as well,
CM


#15

great points, carol marie


#16

I think that you have very legitimate reasons to use NFP to not have a baby right now. On the other hand, if you and your spouse decide to welcome another child, you have my sincere admiration for the sacrifices you and your spouse will make for that baby…

God keep you,

kevinsgirl


#17

Thank you all for your responses and prayers. This is a decision that I have been trying to make for almost 5 years. Part of me has the struggle of what all of you answered. Sometimes I feel that I should not prevent pregnancy and if it is God’s will than I will get pregnant. Sometimes I feel that if my health gets worse than I won’t be able to care for myself or family and be useless. Part of me feels that I am not trusting in God.

I think deep down in my heart I know the answer. As much as I love children and would love to have more, the Lord did give me one and I am so very thankful for that. You know I have 4 sisters and two of them are no longer Catholic and both are on birth control. One has never had a baby and doesn’t want one and the other just had her second and had her tubes tied. I don’t understand them for not wanting more children and I want more and can’t or probably really shouldn’t. My other two sisters are Catholic but both are divorce.

I know that when I am in prayer, I think of those women in the Bible who only had one child. Elizabeth and, of course, our Blessed Mother and her mother St. Anne. They all had only one child that made a huge difference in humanity.

Some one responsed that I should be grateful for what God has given me. I always have been grateful and thank God every day for taking care of us, but wanting another child doesn’t mean I am ungrateful.

As far as trying everything possible to improve my health, I have. I am not afraid of suffering for myself for I have been through many procedures and surgeries to improve my life, but have stilled lived with pain. I have come to accept that God wants me to have this suffering and it is his Cross of love for me. I thank Him for the pain and sufferings that I have gone through for through it all it has drawn me closer to Him and I love him. If it wasn’t for my back first getting injured, I would not have been drawn to draw closer to Jesus. I wouldn’t have made Holy Hours and be going to daily Mass. Nothing in this life is more important to me than my God. This suffering of not having more children is yet another cross that I know the Lord will reveal to me someday in His timing as to the reason. I know I have always loved teaching CCD and teenagers. I want them to know Jesus and not just what the Catholic Church teaches in the Catechisis. That is very important, but if they know don’t Christ, they will break all His rules and laws in the Church. I can’t teach for now until my little angel gets a little older. She wants me home for bedtime and I don’t want to give that part of her life up either. I have always tried to enjoy every minute with her, for she is at the age she is only once and I always thought she was going to be my only child. She is the biggest blessing, after the Eucharist, that the Lord has given me. From the time she was born, she was an easy baby to care for. She did not require to much holding or was a fussy one. She was perfect and God did this for me as a gift for accepting the sufferings he gives me. I offer all my sufferings up in union with what Jesus suffered for the conversion of sinners. I don’t let any of it go to waste. Jesus has never abandoned me and the times I feel lost in what to do, He is teaching me something that he usually reveals later in my life.

Thanks again to all of you and your prayers. For now, I will accept that the Lord is only going to let me have one child. Don’t get me wrong, I know that if the Lord wants to cure me of all my pains He will do it, but I have gone to many healing services and have had many anointing of the sick, which I will continue, to know that this is God’s will. If it is God’s will than He knows best.

It was interesting to hear all of your response, for the way all of you expressed your feelings is what I have been going through in the last 5 years. I would go from one response to another. My dh also goes up and down on wanting another baby.

For now, I ask the Lord will bless all of you and thank you for your responses and opinions. I will keep you all in my prayers and ask that you continue to pray for me. I have to remember that the Lord knows what he is doing in my life and I have to trust in HIm. I am only human after all and go weak at times. I am also a woman who wouldn’t mind having more children. For now, I hold my nephew who is now 5 months old and enjoy him. I think that is also why I would love to have another child. Holding him and feeding him makes me desire another.

Thanks again to you all. I may be going to Mother Angelica’s EWTN this weekend if I feel better, for I am sick presently and will remember you all before the Blessed Sacrament. It is nice to know I have family all around the world.:thumbsup:


#18

Dear Nana3,
God Bless You And Your Husband. Seek Gods Will And Stay Away From All Artificials. Will Always Pray For You. Hope you now have at least a way forward.

Gods Will Lead To Good Decision

Hug:)

Mary


#19

Thank you Mary.:slight_smile:


#20

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