As some of you know, I’m scrupulous and super anxious. I recall my years of when I wasn’t practicing my faith and was ignorant. Now, that I came into the faith, I’ve struggled with avoiding sin and I am less happier to be honest. I can’t even seem to avoid mortal sin in regards to some temptations I have and it’s getting to a point where I don’t see the point of my faith anymore or even trying. I’m so anxious and afraid of going to hell that everything else is always taking a backseat. I’ve tried to be holy for YEARS now, and still keep falling so short.
I see others who aren’t practicing Catholics and they seem t be so happy and have little worries. While I’m so terrified and exhausted to do anything and even considering suicide sometimes because if I will keep sinning, why not end it sooner and not keep hurting God? I don’t even have the resources to get help immediately, other than calling a stupid hotline that doesn’t do much. People think it’s so easy to get help etc. But it’s not. I’ve tried to get help. I’ve tried to see free resources and nothing.
Maybe the Catholic church isn’t the one true faith and I’m worrying over no reason. Maybe I should just go into another branch of Christianity. If I’m so paralyzed to do anything else, what does it all matter?